This is a collection of random, weird, but true quotes and conversations that you've probably never heard before; taken from various classmates, family members and miscellaneous people that I know. Whoever said them owns them, and if that happens to be you, please don't kill me, because if you do I'll regret it for the rest of my life.
CLICK HERE FOR THE NEW QUOTES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE
Band Conductor: Percussion! Don't play so loud! It's only double forte!
Random Classmate #1: My calculator has an attitude problem.
Wall graffitti: 'Join the army and see the world', they said. I joined the army and saw Post 1, Post 2, Post 3...
Random Classmate #2: Please do not talk to sleeping or dead people, because the chances are that they will not reply.
Random Classmate #2: I sense a disturbance in the table arrangement.
Random dumb guy who actually exists: You mean Julius Caesar was a real man?"
Random Classmate #3: If you find yourself with an extra A-Maths textbook, it probably belongs to me."
Non-bandie #1: *points at oboe* Is that a clarinet?
Non-bandie #2: No, stupid. It's a saxophone.
Random Classmate #4: I feel like going to the toilet.
Random Classmate #5 after a P.E. lesson: I've got sand in my underclothes.
My brother: I hiccupped and burped at the same time.
My brother: Mummy, *name censored* stuck his toothbrush in his mouth and now he's using it to comb his hair.
Random Bandmate: Jab not thy reed at me.
Random group of classmates setting a speech topic for another group in English class: Speech Topic: 'The colour orange is not orange.'
Form Teacher: The next thing we're aiming for is to be the cleanest class.
Random Classmate #6: One, two, three, LAUGH!
Class: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Me: It takes 17 muscles to smile, 42 (!) to frown and zero for a blank expression.
Random Classmate #7 during a history class on WWI: I declare war on *name censored*
Random Classmate #8, #9 & #10: I declare war on *same name as above*
Person whom war is being declared upon: I declare war on all of you, and I have atomics.
Random Classmate #11 after a Maths test: It was very easy but I didn't know how to do a lot of questions.
Chemistry Teacher #1: I think you owe me three money... 'Three money'? Oh my goodness, what am I talking about? First money six, second money seven, third money seven-fifty.
Random Classmate #4: *name censored*'s looking out for quotes. You better watch what you say.
Random Classmate #12: Er...
History Teacher: Let's see whether I make sense to myself.
Band Conductor after telling the flutes to play softly and getting no sound at all instead: SOFT! 'Soft' doesn't mean 'nothing', flutes!
Physics Teacher: Everytime I step into this class it's like the Twilight Zone.
Physics Teacher: ... but it was cold like hell.
Random Classmate #2: Hell isn't cold.
Physics Teacher: Next week you'll get someone who can walk straight. Because I'm lame.
Random Classmate #13: You need more quotes, more! More! Think of some now, now!
Random Classmate #6 on what Newton's 3rd Law of Motion was: I didn't bump into the lampost, the lampost bumped into me.
Me: I still think that they should make a Bill and Ted 3.
Random Classmate #13: If they do, Keanu Reeves will lose all his fans.
Me: Precisely.
Random Classmate #14: I know, I know, I know... wait, I don't know.
Physics Teacher: You're a class of perverts!
Me and Random Classmate #13: Star Wars is NOT dead!
Random Classmate #15 Yeah, with you morons around, it'll never be dead.
My brother: So many songs are running in my head. Sometimes they bump into each other.
Me during a Chemistry lesson on redox: The name of the oxidising agent is Smith.
Random Classmate #13: You should die. I think that's the name of the reducing agent.
Random Classmate #13 later on: I went into a long tirade about how he reduces Neo, but no one listened.
(Insert a long conversation to do with Agent Smith and Neo reducing each other and being reduced by each other)
Me: So they're both oxidising and reducing?
(If anyone wants to know what The Matrix has to do with Chemistry, now you have some idea.)
Random Classmate #4: ...And then my father said, "Let's play checkers on the chessboard!"
Random Classmate #16 of one of the examination markers: She's a stupid cuckoohead and she should go and die.
Chemistry Teacher #2: I change because I can!
Chemistry Teacher #2 upon seeing us all look at the window when it started to rain: It's raining. Things like that happen. They're quite normal. The ground gets wet.
Chemistry Teacher #2 about his pet turtle: It went from green to not so green. [The Biology teacher] said not enough sunlight... No, it's not photosynthesis.
Chemistry Teacher #2: You know why I asked *Biology teacher's name censored*? Because she's a mother and all mothers know about turtles.
Random Classmate #17: My mum's knowledge of turtles - It stinks. You can't keep it.
Chemistry Teacher #2: My turtle photosynthesises.
Chemistry Teacher #2: Chlorine kills bacteria. You are a very big bacteria.
Chemistry Teacher #2: The teacher's handbook says that students LOVE to answer questions.
Someone on my right: Hahaha.
Biology Teacher while we were drawing a diagram of an eye: Make sure your eyeball touches the side. Or else you're dead. Then I'll get worried.
Form Teacher on seeing on of her quotes on the board: I'm sure that I can make a more intelligent quote than this.
Random Classmate #18: Is is possible to have a brain transplant?
Me: Is it possible to have a brain transplant?
Random Classmate #15: Is it possible for you to have a brain?
Random Classmate #17: Half my Chem. notes are in the rack, half are in the bathtub and half are in the file.
Literature Teacher: You'll be tested on characters from the main plot... and the subplot.
Somebody: That's ALL the characters!
Random Classmate #13 on The Frighteners: My father switched on the TV and said, 'Look, it has Michael J. Fox in it, and it was directed by Peter Jackson. Maybe we should watch it.'
Me: So did you watch it?
Random Classmate #13: *rants on about exams*
Maths Teacher: But why is six by nine forty-two?
My brother: I was just hit by inspiration. It hurt.
Class Treasurer: I would like to remind you mostly miserable-looking people that today is Fun Day. Class Fund Day.
Random Classmate #19: *name censored*! You look so funny without your windbreaker.
Random Classmate #13: Huh? What?
Random Classmate #19: You look really, really funny without your windbreaker.
Random Classmate #13 after a haircut: I find my lack of hair disturbing.
Class Treasurer: Today is still Fun Day.
Random Classmate #13: My brother says that Darth Vader is bad at infiltration because you can hear his asthma attacks from 1 km away.
Me: Say something.
Random Classmate #5: Huh?
Me: Say something.
Random Classmate #5: What?
Me: Say something.
Random Classmate #5: Don't wanna.
Random Classmate #13: I don't think you can describe a situation as being inane, but you can always try.
Random Classmate #13: This is depressing. I don't know why it's depressing, but it's depressing all the same."
Random Classmate #13: I must never say I'm sorry again.
Random Classmate #13: I'm trying to strip. Hey, it works! I can actually strip with this stupid towel.
Random Classmate #13: Oh man. Why do I keep saying 'oh man'? Why not 'oh woman'?
Random Classmate #13: AHH! Mosquitos! They still exist!
Random Classmate #13: I think that everyone is warped in their own special way.
Random Classmate #13: I think that everyone is warped, and my T-shirt is coming off.
Random Classmate #13: Ow. I think I dropped my slipper into the toilet.
Random Classmate #13: AHH! I cut myself! I mean... never mind.
Random Classmate #13: And I cut my elbow. Because I fell down in the toilet.
Random Classmate #13: Everyone's scary in their own special way.
Random Classmate #13: What am I doing with this? Is that a stupid question or is that a stupid question?
Random Classmate #13: Everyone is weird in their own special way.
Random Classmate #13: My ear thing has died.
Random Classmate #13: Unhappy, I say.
Random Classmate #13: I can't stand her. I can't sit her either.
Random Classmate #13: I shan't insult my towel.
Random Classmate #13: There's nothing wrong with the beds. It's the mosquitos that bug me.
Random Classmate #13: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day in a fake English accent?