Short Chain Stories
THE FIRST COLLECTION - While on a school exchange programme last year, my three (well, two. The last person had a tendency to fall asleep unnaturally early) roommates and I spent the nights talking about strange stuff. One night, we ended up coming up with one-word stories - someone started with a word, and we each took turns adding words to eventually make up a story. Quite a lot of these were lost in the end, but for those that were recorded down: here they are.
THE SECOND COLLECTION - This is a compilation of several stories created over the years, mostly created in times of extreme boredom where there were a substantial number of similarly bored people around. I wrote a sentence on a piece of paper and passed it around the room, with each person adding on one to a few sentences. (In the case of the second one, we wrote one paragraph each.) These are the stories that we came up with, though most are incomplete.
THE FIRST COLLECTION
1) Pillows and blankets and mattresses and wood are not needed to make a bed. All you need are a stack of hay and a green pandan cake.
2) Life is hard like donuts that have been left out in the cold for many, many, many, many, many days, which is like cement that has been left out in the cold for many, many, many, many days, which is life that has been left and not right.
3) There is nothing else left in the darkness that consumes without chewing. There is something that kills without mercy beneath the ocean. Holy pigs are very good to stew because they make great food. Flaming bushes burn very brightly, especially the ones with leaves. And they burn too. Kill them holy camels and eat sacrifices to withstand the burning heat. Thus we and our story will come again to an end.
4) Marshmallows taste soggy and they soak in water with duckies to let them become turgid with lots of water and with lots of soap. This is not very good to eat as they will eat you if you try. Therefore we must exterminate all the soggy marshmallows to make the world a better place.
5) Teddy bears are very funny and cute because they have lots of stuffing in their bodies. Teddy bears do not like to eat people. They only eat soggy exam papers that have history questions that are very difficult to answer. Teddy bears will always eat them up because they like us. This diet makes strong teddy bears. Therefore they will destroy the history papers without regret and without fail. They will also destroy my Chemistry worksheets and sit on my Physics papers to make pulp for me to make paper mache.
6) Curtains are nice but one is not very nice. That is my curtain and it really stinks. I want another set of curtains because this one stinks. My new curtains will be striped with purple polka dots and will be dotted with grey stripes. It makes great decoration because it creates a lot of joy and happiness to brighten up my day. My curtains have no arms and have no legs. It has eyes which cannot see, and has ears that cannot hear. Its nose does not smell, unlike mine, which can smell many things and can move rapidly to anywhere because it is running. My mouth can eat and spit out saliva on curtains that stink like mine. My new curtains now do not stink because I don't spit on them.
7) Why do superheroes like to wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes? Why do superheroes like tight pants, and why do they want to save damsels in distress? Damsels in distress do nothing else but wait for cows and other animals like the iguana to hatch and sing happy superhero songs of joy, love, peace, kindness, hope, faith, freedom, gentleness, justice, passion and self-control. Superheroes have such huge biceps, egos, feet, appetites, hearts and hair.
THE SECOND COLLECTION 1) A man fell out of the sky. A stork fell after him. The stork landed on the man. The man landed on the ground. He squished a ladybug. The ladybug died, and the man ate it. He fried it with truffles. Then he had a stomachache and went to the toilet. He went out, as there was a porpoise in the cubicle. And it stank. So he pooped all over the ground instead. Eww, why does it always go in this direction? He went off to tend to the stork. And they all died and went to heaven happily ever after. Amen. Then they got thrown out of heaven because they stank too much.
2) Something was lurking in the school toilets. Strange noises were reported coming from it at strange times of the day. Several innocent students had gone in, never to be seen again. No one knew what had happened to them.
No one did know, of course, for the toilets were locked up, forbidding entry to the students after that day. It was only after three years, on that same fateful day, that the toilets were re-opened.
Pat, a new student at the school, of course, had no idea what evil curse had befallen the school toilets. One day, influenced by curiosity, she decided to find out what was in the toilets. She stepped into the room, the floor was wet and dirty. The atmosphere was chilly, it was as though she had stepped into a freezer.
Wait. She had. Before her, just atop the frost-covered latrine were the DISMEMBERED REMAINS OF THE OTHER STUDENTS! Pat initially wanted to run far away and find a transfer - Tahiti Tropical High would be nice - but decided to cautiously step forward and investigate. Bad mistake. For as she opened the clear zip-lock bags, she realised that its contents were not human flesh, but worse.
3) It was a dark and stormy night. And the toilet flush was stuck. Together with his leg. Panicked, he called for a plumber to extricate his leg. Unfortunately, the operator thought he said "lumberjack" and "eradicate" and before he knew it, a burly guy came along and chainsawed his leg off. It was turning out to be a bad day: he'd never gotten the hang of Tuesdays. And the toilet flush was still stuck.
Suddenly, he heard a gurgling sound. Effervescence was observed in the toilet bowl. The clear toilet water became murky, then the colour of rich chocolate pudding with seaweed. The ceiling lamp flickered randomly and the mirror suddenly fogged. He clenched his fists nervously as drips of water fell from his sweaty palms.
The toilet flushed itself. It wasn't stuck at all. On the other hand, it was dead scary.
An evil, threatening spectre rose from the murky depths, holding the pink edition of 'Sophie's World'. It opened its non-existent mouth and said ominously, "Wisest is she who knows she does not know!"
He had no clue what this meant. He almost wet his pants, but managed to leak into the toilet anyway.
As if driven by the force of cosmic dust, he reached for the book and whispered, "My Preciousss".
The green face emerged from the dank dark depths. "I... am... VOLDEMORT!" echoed the voice, making the toilet tiles rattle. By a powerful psychokinetic force, the tiles were prised from the floor and attached themselves to the guy, forming a suit of near indestructible armour around him (even where his leg used to be). And the guy no longer needed a crutch, for he was not lame. Although this story is.
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