| BLONDE JOKES |
| COOL LINKS |
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| A redhead walks into a sports bar around 9:58 p.m. She sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the tv. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The redhead turns to the blonde and says, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." The redhead place $20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her 20 dollars to the redhead and said, "All is fair, here is your money. The redhead replies, "Honey, I can't take your money, "I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump." The blonde replies, "I saw it earlier too, but I didn't think he'd jump again." |
| Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again." The blonde looks quizzically at her and says,"You don't like getting flowers?" The redhead says,"I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says,"Why don't you get yourself a vase? |
| A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is so very angry and she opens her purse to take out the gun, but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The borfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!" |
| A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said," I have a complaint!" May I help you the librarian replied? "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!" "What was wrong with it," replied the librarian? "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!", said the blonde. The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh, So you must be the person who took our phone book." |
| A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a whole day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks." The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds. When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why that's amazing," the doctor said. Did you follow my instructions? The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead on the third day." 'From hunger, you mean?" "No!....from skipping. |
| A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She cries, "Joe doesn't appreciate what I do for him." "Now now, her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." No, Mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me aboutt the price. "Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom. "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars." No, mother, it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket. "Airplane ticket? What did you need an airplane ticket for? Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said ; Prepare from a frozen state, so I flew to Alaska! |
| A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right? "Not really, "the blonde replied, "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the bus." "Poor Dear," mom said, "Why didn't you ask someone to switch seats for awhile?" "I wanted to, but I couldn't, she replied." The bus was empty. |
| While a man was tapping away on his home computer, his blonde daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family. "I know daddy's password! I know daddy's password!" Her sisters asked eagerly, "What is it?" Proudly, she answered, "Asterisk, Asterisk, Asterisk, Asterisk, Asterisk, Asterisk!. |
| Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her. Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? A: Pregnant Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted Q: What do you call a blonde's check book? A: A mystery Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? A: Bobbing for french fries |