Man of the Year

CARL JOHNSON  A.K.A. "CJ"

I know I know, he’s not a real person, but it’s my awards show and I can do what I want.  See, the man of the year award has to go to someone who doesn’t take one bit of crap from anyone and is the type that even though you may win a fight against him, you’ll come away with permanent damage.  No Johnny Sensitives are gonna win this award.  For those who don’t know, CJ is the main character of the Playstation 2 game “Grand Theft Auto – San Andreas”.  CJ comes back to Los Santos (Los Angeles) in the early 1990’s for his mother’s funeral and is instantly wrapped back up in a world of gang violence, crooked cops, and betrayal.  CJ can go toe to toe with a sucker no matter what size.  CJ can think quickly in perilous situations, is a master marksman with a Tek 9 or M4, can ride a motorcycle better then Evel Kenevel ever could, juggles about 4 or 5 girlfriends at once because he’s a pimp and a player…sometimes he busts hip-hop and the other times Slayer…awwwww yeah!  CJ also is VERY anti-drug and will be the first to peel the cap back of a crack dealer trying to peddle their wares in his ‘hood (Grove Street 4 LIFE!).  He dresses very stylishly and the ladies always have a compliment for him as he strolls down the boulevard.  And on top of all this, he can tear it up on a dance floor.  Now name me anyone in real life that is this much of a mac daddy…you can’t!  I know I’m close but I’m no CJ.
 
 

For the life of me, I can’t figure out why this guy doesn’t get more praise outside of his loyal fans.  Carpenter has written and directed some of the coolest movies ever.  You know, a movie doesn’t always have to be edited perfectly with gorgeous cinematography featuring a star-studded cast with powerful orchestration music.  I’m sick of generic romantic comedies that all use the same formula, I’m sick of uninspired special-effects driven summer blockbusters, and I’m sick of this new craze of trying to have some big “a-HA!” moment at the end with twists and turns that make zero sense.  For instance, remember “The Bone Collector”?  The big “a-HA!” moment towards the end when the killer reveals himself…yet we never saw this guy before but we are led to believe we had a chance in figuring it out…just completely stupid.  You see, what makes a movie great is it’s coolness factor.  This usually involves a badass character, guns, explosions, cool dialogue and if course a good story and hopefully zero romance unless it’s some badass dude who scores with a hottie and then just takes off.  Look at some of the movies he’s done and tell me he doesn’t deserve it – Assault on Precinct 13, Escape From New York, Halloween, Vampires, Ghosts of Mars, The Thing, and Prince of Darkness.  These movies are classics, and for one guy to write and direct these is worthy of praise.  He created Snake Plissken for cryin’ out loud…THE coolest guy to ever be in a movie!  People just sing the praises of Spielberg, Ron Howard, Scorcese and people like that, but give me a John Carpenter movie any day of the week and I’m a happy guy.  When you watch a Carpenter movie, you get to see all the cool stuff you look for in a film – cool characters, guns, explosions, some great one-liners, and just overall great stories.  In fact, I honestly wonder how many film makers were influenced by “Escape From New York” because I’ve heard that from more than one.  And one other thing…his first movie “Assault on Precinct 13” is being remade right now…why, I have no idea.  But when he was asked about that he basically said that he can’t understand why any movie needs to be remade and wondered why Hollywood just can’t come up with an original idea instead.  So true…so true.  And I’m STILL waiting on a 3rd “Escape” movie…c’mon John…Kurt Russell still has it in him!!!  You know how you have those “man’s man” type actors like Steve McQueen and Charles Bronson…those actors that would never reduce themselves to playing some stupid sappy role where they’re all “sensitive” and stuff?  That’s kinda what John Carpenter is…he’s a “man’s man” when it comes to making movies….you won’t be seeing any garbage like “Titanic” coming from him.
 

Now as a joke, I was actually going to name my band NoiseCult as winners…but it just didn’t sit well because I truly need to give props where they are due.  I saw some great bands this past year – Black Sabbath, a reunited Judas Priest, Slayer, Black Label Society, but none compared to November 17th when Metallica hit Nashville.  Don’t get me wrong, Sabbath were amazing and Priest kicked complete ass…but Metallica played a 2 hour and 20 minute set that delivered from start to finish.  It wasn’t just how well they played or anything like that, but the setlist was what truly blew me away.  They cranked out stuff like “Call of Ktulu”, “Breadfan”, “Disposable Heroes”, and “Fight Fire With Fire”.  Plus, having Robert Trujillo as their new bass player made a HUGE difference.  I always liked Jason Newsted and think he’s a damn good bass player, but Trujillo is a monster.  I can’t wait for these guys to put out a new album so they’ll tour again.  And you know how to tell when a live show just kicked ass?  It’s when several weeks later, you and the buddies you went with can still say “I can’t believe they played this or that” and you still break out in goosebumps remembering it all.