| "YEAH BABY, GET SOME!" - John Henson "May the Schwartz be with you." - Yogurt "There's no such thing as stupid questions, just stupid people." - Mr. Garrison "We're humans trying to make love in an elementary school cafeteria." - Chris Elliot "Shut up before I throw up cheese puff chunks." - Steve Hyde "Good cheese puffs you son of a bitch." - Fez "Just because I'm a super hero, doesn't mean I have to smell poo gas." - Freakazoid "Ugly naked guy got gravity boots on." - Pheobe "I want my anger to be valid, and the only way to do that is to be fairly attractive." - singer Courtney Love on why she had bleached blond hair, a nose job and is always on a diet "Cheating is out of the question. Sure, Frank sees sexy flight attendants and businesswomen when he flies around the country. But the only come-on he gets anymore is 'C'mon, Frank, show us a picture of Code." - Kathie Lee Gifford "Cripes: My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes'. 'For Cripe's sake.' who would that be, Jesus Cripe's? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'? - Andy Rooney "Grandma: My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen'. You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday." - Andy Rooney "Ads In Bills: Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills areen't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds. Banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank You" - Andy Rooney "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears "I went into McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?' " - Jay Leno "You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough." - Pearl Williams "The post office says they're raising the price of stamps by one cent because they need to upgrade their equipment. Apparently, they're going from semi-automatics to uzis." - Conan O'Brien "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house." - Jeff Foxworthy |
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