December 28, 2002
So I begin my journal. My documentation of my journay through wls. I sit here on a Saturday night realizing the realness of my decision or at least to the extent that I can at this moment. Maybe it's nerves or maybe it's my the baby shifting...who knows at this point. If you haven't had a chance to read my bio, then you would not know that I'm 38 weeks and about to POP with my third child. My decision to have wls has been in the works for over a year, but it wasn't until November of 2002 that I actually let it venture into my front mind. Again, my Bio gives a more detailed explanation, but for those who have not veture there yet, I've had two relatives undergo this surgery.
I have my consultation in place for May 1, 2003. It's a life time away. My main struggle right now is to n ot loose focus on my immediate responcibility of child birth and healing. I'm having a C-Section and my tubes tied so my body will need to heal, for how long I'm not sure, but it must heal before I can rip it apart and but it back together again.
I'm also struggling with the seriousness of my situation. I've been scouring the web and soaking up as many stories as I can. It's like I'm reading a good book of mini stories and each night I can't wait to put my kids to bed and settle my dh in front of the TV so that I can read read read. I might also add and stuff my face. Those two always go hand in hand. So that's where I'm at this moment.
Struggling to be patient, deliver a baby and heal...then the beginning of my WLS journay.
December 30, 2002
It seems like this pregnancy is going on and on forever! I went to the doctors today and he says...nope not yet! UGH! I also hit the 300lb on the scales. It was enough to send me into tears. The nurse was just wonderful. She hugged me and said not to worry and kept hugging me! I haven't told them about my decision for WLS. I also found out that my sister has PCOS or polycystic ovary syndrome, another heridtary complication due to obesity. GREAT! I'll just add that to my list of stuff to submit. Right now I'm just wanting to get this baby out. I"m in so much pain...my back hurts, my ankles hurt, I can't sleep do to indigestion...TUMS is NOT cutting it! I'm so uncomfortable!!!!!! Okay enought whining. I'm equally as excited to add this baby to my family. I feel it will complete us in ways we never knew we needed! I've got all the cutie baby stuff set up and ready for him to come home. All the clothes are washed and hung. Now I just have be patient. I'm wondering if this is practice for my surgery! LOL
I haven't really talked much about what my expectations are. I'm still wrapping my mind around the whole life time permenant decision tool thing. I keep thinking about what my life will be like in 5 years, 10 years. I wonder often if cutting my innerds is the way to go. I've searched and searched for websites of people who've had the process done that far back...ugh! Of course with the internet and web journals being a fairly new thing and the surgery being updated, I'm not surprised I didn't find anything. I'm also waiting to go to a support group until after the delivery. Although it would be nice to begin to build some relationships with local people I really feel like I need to spend time getting the rest of my life in order...UGH! Have a happy new years...I'll be sitting in front of my computer hacking...I mean surfing away.
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