| January 2003 |
| January 29, 2003 Dude...do NOT get a Dell!!!!! I'm serious. I've had more problems with my $3000 top of the line screaming machine than with my old clunker!!!! It's been on thing after another and NOW...my screen is doing funky things and they are telling me I might need to replace it. UGH! I hate technology sometimes. Have to be careful with that statement as it's technology that will allow me to have a lap rather than an open! So we are starting to jell as a family. Zackary is a good baby. He likes to sleep, eat and as long as you hold him, he's pretty darn good. Sometimes I'll get a few minutes to clean, feed the other two or actually go to the bathroom by putting him in the swing. Not for more than say 15 mins. or so. I'm feeding him via bottle and breast so that helps too. He's a porker and has gained a pound in two weeks. I've nicknamed him boogieboo since he's also very phlemy/developing a cold. I took him to the doctors and his breathing is not labored so no sign of rsv yet. For those of you that don't know what rsv is, it's a very serious virus that is often times fatal in infants due to their immune system not being fully developed enough to fight off the mishageegees! aka germs. My other two have been sick as dogs too. Maddie had the flu bug yesterday/today...throw up city. OH MY HECK it was foul too! Now I''m not a sniffer or anything, but seriously, it smelled like rotten eggs and it took all I had not to gag myself. I'm down to 270. That's a 30 lbs loss. I've got to be careful not to fall below 260 for my bmi will drop below 40...kinda weird to have to be concerned. Breast feeding helps me take the weight off, but I've been on a quest to make the perfect chocolate chip cookie. I've tweeked the receipe several times and think I finally found the solution! Yipee they are JAMIN! Can't keep them in the house for more than a day. Won't be long before I will have to put them on my do not eat list! I'm getting better at focusing on my future in a patient mindset. I cleaned out my closet of the clothes I purchased at my largest during pregnancy. I figured I won't be needing them anytime soon. I'm also starting to dream of myself in the outfits I want to wear next winter. I've always dreamed of tucking in my shirt. I'm in love with Joe Millionaire. I love the concept of the show cuz it makes us woman show our true colors at times! hehehehe. I'm not found of Melissa M, Love Sarah and wish Zora would show some backbone. I think Sara is a bit taken by the money of the situation, but starting to really like Evan. I think Zora likes Evan, but doesn't know what to make of the situation. I think Sara has the ability to make Evan the man with the money. It takes a strong woman to ship shape up a man!!!!! My dh is a perfect example of that statement! Speaking of dh, he says that Zora is a challenge for Evan so he's kept her around for that reason! I bet he picks her because he wants to "win". Sara has more of the personality to kick his tuckus. Enough ramble. January 18, 2003 So I'm home and healing. Would you belive that I went into labor...full blown gonna have the baby natuarly labor...at 4am? Yep, the little stinker couldn't wait a few more hours. Nope, he haaaaaad to come out at 7:15 am! I ended up yelling hysterically for drugs and practically threatened the entire staff in order to get them to slow down my labor so that I could have a c-section. My main focus...after getting the drugs...was to get my TUBES TIED! I did NOT want to go through the pain again! I was so exhausted! Anyway, alls well that ends well and Zackary Scott was born. Click HERE to go to the Zackary Photo Page! I'm glad he's here and for the most part, he's a great baby. He likes his belly FULL! I'm both breast and bottle feeding due to a breast reduction I had in the past. I do not make enough milk to bfeed soley. The other children are taking to him nicely. Kevin stayed home this week which was a HUGE help. We finally had it out on Tuesday. I broke down and CRIED my eyes out and told him exactly what I was feeling. He seemed to finally get it! I mean really...here's the issue I was faced with. I'm in the hospital and he tells me that two days after I come home, he's going back to work half days.! UGH! I wasn't ready for it nor did I have a plan/help prepared to help me out. We had planned for him to stay home and use the vacation time we saved up this year for it. I freaked out! I told him that I didn't know what to do and was very very scared about how I was going to deal with three and my healing. He said that since I was doing so well he felt there was no reason for him to hang around! Imagine! On and on it went until he finally saw that I was doing well with the DRUGS! Of course I felt no pain...I was on some serious junk! SO we are happy family now with a sorta schedule. I'm healing nicely and we are getting through each day. OH...I toped the scales at 302. I've lost 20 lbs so far. Not sure how to take that. I mean of course I want to loose weight, but if my bmi goes below 40 then...well you know. I'm going for a pedicure tomorrow. Need it BAD! Thanks for all the emails I've been receiving about my webpage and story. I love the support. If anyone knows of a good notify list I can join to send out update notifies let me know....ya know? January 6, 2003 I sit here, about 13 hours before my third and LAST child come into this world. I can't express the utter happiness that I am feeling. I can't wait to get my body back and complete my family. It's times like this that I realize that I'm a lucky girl and that I've got more than a LOT of people have. I've been fighting with my DH of late. I said something very harmful to him tonight...this his 30th birthday. I told him that I thought of him as nothing but a paycheck now. Hang on a sec before you send those flames...He deserved it big time. Since June we've known that January 7 was the date of the delivery. October he comes home to tell me that his company is planning a Manager Retreat January 10-12. Now I'm not a cold hearted bitch and I do put up with a ton of business trips, late night "dinners" at the bosses demands and much much more. He is a very successful person and his paycheck and my ability to stay home with our three children are a testament to that. Also, he is the highest ranking non-board member in the company...he has pull. I know if he had said...listen lets bump it back a week so that I can bring my wife and new child home from the hospital they would have gladly. NOT one doubt in my mind!!! Does he...NO. Does he make adiquate plans for the care of our children so that he can go do this...NO. Does he tell me that it's all taken care of? NO. Do I find out at the last minute...today...that he has not taken care of it? YES. DO I lose my mind with anger and frustration? Yes. I do I flip out completly. He is a jerk for waiting until the last minute to take care of this...then dumping it on my lap because he does such a crappy job of covering the shifts...for example he had no idea how he was going to get my daughter from school...he kept saying your mom will do it right? Of course she can't! He had my son in three different people's houses...people he had never spent time with and did not know! UGH! So I took matters into my own hands and solved the problem in minutes. Jerk! That's my vent for today. I'll see you on the flip side of this baby! With pictures as my digital camera should come tomorrow! Yipee! January 4, 2003 Today we had a surprise 30th birthday for my husband. Oh...yea...still no baby...so anyway, my mother in law decided to host it. I was pretty good at not spilling the beans. Easy enough since I've been single focused on this pregnany. As we drive up he sees all the cars and get a big grin. I'm glad we had it. So gift time rolls around and he opens gift card after gift card to various restaurants...Applebee's, Chili's, 99 and muchmuch more. I couldn't believe all the cards he got. It's like goooo and stuff yoooooouuuuurrrr face! I recieved two email from some locals that have the same doctor as I have. It's good to finally find someone to ask questions that are directly in relation for my surgeon....YIPEE! I can't wait to get started! January 2, 2003 Boy, did I start my journal out dark and gloomy or what! At this rate, I'm gonna fail my psych test! YIKES. I got a good dose of reality from my Aunt RM. She had her rebirth December 3. She's doing very very well, but the doctor apparently lied to her and gave her a 10cc size pouch instead of a 30cc pouch which is suppose to be standard. She is NOT happy and since there is nothing she can do about it, she's really trying to focus on the good not the bad. She gave me some great advice about my current outlook and getting my shit together. I tend to be doom and gloom when life throws me a curve ball. I wouldn't call waiting for the baby's birth doom and gloom, but being as over weight as I am makes this last month that much harder to deal with. There's just NO room in my body! Since I don't sleep much at night, I tend to channel surf the TV. Guess what was on a 2am...Al Rooker. (sp?) Tim Russert from CNBC was interviewing him about his surgery and kind of giving an update. I saw the whole Carnie Wilson thing, but didn't give it much attention. It was really Al that did it for me. Also, I caught a glance of my reflection the other day and couldn't believe how wide my ass has gotten. Of course I try to keep it all in perspective with the baby and all,, but seriously...I'm huge! I ordered a digital camera today and hope to get some recent shots of myself soon. If you didn't already notice in the photo section, my scanner does a real crappy job since it only goes as high as 600 pixels. I'm hoping to get a bit better with the camera! On a lighter note, I've been having more regular contractions. Yipee! I packed up my laptop case with my stuff. I have a dvd on my laptop so I'll be keeping entertained...since my dh will not be spending much time due to watching the kids. I got Ya Ya sister hood DVD for christmas and I've been waiting to watch it until the hospital. We also got the Godfather series so I might tackle that one too. SInce I'm having my tubes tied and a C-Section, I;ll be in the hospital for 4 days...ugh! Funny the hospital is a BLOCK away from my house! I can see it from my office window! LOL. Okay enough ramble. January 1, 2003 Well, it's a new year and if my day is any indication of how it's going to go, I'd rather stay in 2002. I broke down like a slobbering fool today. I am up to my eye balls in baby/pregnancy and I have had it. I feel like my body is being possesed. To give you some insight...this baby was not suppose to be. I took what I thought was the neccessary percautions and had an IUD inplanted so that I would NOT get pregnant again...little did I know. See, each of my pregnancys were BC babies. I've tried several things to avoid getting pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I know just how lucky I am to be so fertale, but my boby has just about had it! I wanted to wait at least 3 years in between each baby so that I could spend quality time with each one while the others were in schools... WRONG! I guess fate had a different path planned out. SO here I am awaiting my third and most stubborn of children to GET OUT OF MY BODY! I'm exhausted...can't sleep, I hurt...cant sit, lie down or walk. My body is screeming in pain and this baby is sitting so far up that I doubt I'll go into labor anytime soon. I'm so frustrated that I broke down and cried, threw things and had a flat out tempor tantrum...UGH! On a lighter note, at least I can't stuff my face like I normally would! The indigestion alone is enought to make me think twice about eating too much. Good practice I guess. So that's where I am today. |
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