Why does everything always fall apart? Nothing seems to ever go the way I want, or even the way it should. I always seem to lose the guys I'm interested in most by introducing them to my friends. Kirstin stole Kenny. Kelly stole Daren. Paige stole Ryan. Allie stole Mike. Gena stole Pippin. And now, Katy stole David. Some of the times it wasn't my friends being introduced, but each time the guy chose someone other than me. I tried so hard to please them, but each time they turn to someone else's arms. One of the above mentioned guys keeps telling me that I'm his favorite, I always come first and stuff like that... but when he was on ecstacy tonight he said that Den should have given one to Katy... he didn't say Den should have given one to me. Everytime a guy has an interest in me it's never a guy I want. Beggers can't be chosers, they say, but I'd like to be able to chose some of the qualities in a guy I date. I thought David was perfect for me. He's a goth, he's 19, he has long hair, he has facial hair, we have a similar sense of humor and he's a dom...I'm a sub. Everything was beautiful... then I let him meet Katy. He still flirts with me and strongly insinuates that stuff will happen between us, but the second Katy shows up, he acts as if I'm not even there anymore. The whole guy thing is just one of the things on my mind. My soulmate is back in an institution. I haven't talked to her in over a month. I really miss her. I have no way of getting any sort of contact with her. I feel so lost and alone without her. She's like my other half. I feel like I can't function properly without her physically in my life. I feel like I'm slowly dying without her here. Then there's Trey. She's leaving the Nexus tonight. It really sucks. I'm so upset by this. It's like we're losing a part of our connection that we will never be able to get back again. So basically everything sucks for me. And now my wrist hurts from writing so tensly.
