What's wrong with me?
Why do I keep doing this?
I fall for it over and over again.
I want them.
They want me.
They get me.
They tell me to keep it quiet.
It's always the same cycle.
Well, almost always.
If it's not that it goes like this:
They want me.
I want them.
I get them.
Then I shove them away...
Or I want them,
But never get them,
Because I'm either too shy to tell him,
Or I don't know if she's like me.
That's the hardest part,
Dealing with that side of me.
I don't know how to tell them,
The women, I mean.
I'm too shy to just come out and say it.
It was so easy with Andrea and Yvette.
But so hard with Katy.
Kari wasn't too bad,
But only because I decided to tell her while I was drunk.
I was sober when I did it,
But drunk when I decided to.
I miss my time with Andi and Yvette.
It was easier then.
Everything was easier then.
I've kind of found the same solace in Trey,
But it's different.
I still feel somewhat guarded.
Always guarded.
I miss my loves.
I feel so alone.
Kris Tone
10-10-00
