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| 9:28pm - Saturday - November 30th 2002 |
| I don't know what happend... my life is a mess right now.. everyone hates me. I hate this. I don't know what to say... I don't know what to do... I don't know what happend.. all I can say is that I'm sorry. I don't deserve anyone. ;( ...I always fuck everything up, im a fuck up and i'm sorry... i dont deserve anyone. -later nate |
Hate To Say I Told You SoDo what I want cause I can and if I don't because I wanna be ignored by the stiff and the bored because I'm gonna. Spit and retrieve cause I give and receive because I wanna gonna get through your head what the mystery man said because I'm gonna. Hate to say I told you so. I do believe I told you so. Now it's all out and you knew cause I wanted to. Turn my back on the rot that's been planning the plot - because I'm gonna. No need for me to wait - because I wanna. No need two, three and too late - because I'm gonna. Hate to say I told you so. I do believe I told you so. Do what I please gonna spread the disease because I wanna gonna call all the shots for the "No"s and the "Not"s because I wanna. Ask me once I'll answer twice cause what I know I'll tell because I wanna. Sound device and lots of ice I'll spell my name out loud because I wanna, oh yeah� |
| 9:48am - Friday - November 29th 2002 |
| Hello Journal... long time no see... just been mainly working... worked 8 hours on wednesday and then 10 yesterday. So I've been pretty exhuasted this week, hung out with dabney and tyler a couple times. Went to the mall and bought GTA: Vice City, and Tyler bought some cd-r's and they played around with my modifier car and stuff... we finally got our C-RV back from honda, only took them like 2 months to fix it. So I have been driving again... wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I still know how to drive a standard and everything. It felt good to drive again... now im going to go play some Vice City ..later nate |
| 1:23am - Tuesday (Monday Nite) - November 26th 2002 |
| Today. What a day. Worked the came home, talked on the phone got invited to go out to a thing I really would have enjoyed going to, but I had already made plans, so I had to turn them down. Tyler said he was going to call me at 6:45... but he didn't so I was pissed cause I turned down my other plans to do something with him, but the asshole never called. After that my cousins came over cause its my bros bday today.. happy sweet 16 nick. I got my modifier car 1999 Honda Civic Si, in the mail today so I opened it up and put it all together(pics) .. Then around 9 Becky asked me if I wanted to go rent a movie, so ofcoarse I said yes and she came and got me and we went and bought John Q. We came back to my place, made some popcorn and watched it. It finished up around 12:15 and she headed home. Then I talked on the phone for awhile... and now here I am.. listening to some millencolin and talking on icq. later nate |
Modifiers: 1999 Honda Civic Si, and a couple homies.    |
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Greener GrasI'm not harmonic I can't reach self-esteem That's quite ironic Coz I thought I'd be living my dream I don't feel supersonic I don't drive in the lane of whipped cream I'm more like a chronic Ignorantly swimming upstream What can I do to be happy? I have problems to decide When it looks to me the grass is greener On the other side How do I live for the moment When I always wanna be else where? How do I reach fullfilment When I'm crashed and got parts to repair? Why is my only amusement Giving other people my despair? Why do I give jealous judgement On another's affair? I wanna get satisfaction just like The Stones and Manu Chao Gotta ignore all rejection I gotta keep trying anyhow I wanna be close to the action I wann live my life now For htis correction I need direction Gotta find it within myself somehow So maybe one day I'll be happy?! But until then I have to realize That the grass is not always greener It's only up to me to recognize That the grass is not always greener It's in your head it might look grenner Coz the grass will never be greener On the other side |
| 1:08pm - Monday - November 25st 2002 |
| Whats up journal. Just woke up, im not going to the gym today so I slept in late today. Haven't updated since thrusday... so sorry about that. What did I do this weekend?, hung out with Marie pretty much all weekend. Worked friday and saturday and worked out, thats pretty much it. later nate |
Fingers CrossedI alway knew you were a keeper Maybe not exactly from day one Guess I never wanted it to be overdone And even though you are a sleeper Well, to me that's never been a crime Ans after all you woke up in time So you're back on your feet again Now you're back to compete with men Now you're back and it took some time To get from misery to prime Now you're back onto change the world Now you're back and I say : Go, Girl! Now you're back and you do just fine `Coz after rainy days the sun will shine I know I've been part of reasons Why you sometimes felt so sore And I'm sorry I didn't give you more But now you're heading better seasons And your mom she's watching you From above with fingers crossed for everything you do So you're back on your feet again Now you're back to compete with men Now you're back and it took some time To get from misery to prime Now you're back onto change the world Now you're back and I say : Go, Girl! Now you're back and you do just fine `Coz after rainy days the sun will shine It doesn't matter what others say Even those you call friends Don't leave it out for another day This might be your big chance You're the one always beside me When I'm lost you're always to guide me It's about time I give you something back I'm the one selfish and greedy Never care enough what you needed But even still you had the strength to get back in the end |
| 1:35am - Thursday - November 21st 2002 |
TOday was alright... woke up at 6am, showered and got ready for work. Mom drove me over to tim hortons and dropped me off. I got a blueberry bran muffin, some hot chocolate, sat down and listend to some Supersuckers. Went to work for 8, got there and worked on the rest of the order then did all my other work stuff. Got off at 6, came home and ate. Went on the computer, then at about 7:15 Tyler and Dabney showed up and we went to see the Leo Hayes/OHS game. It wasn't to bad. Leohayes lost... but I didn't really care.. I don't go there anymore.. OHS won 4-1. The we went to tim hortons, my grandmother was there so I talked to her for abit, it was nice to see her, I hadn't seen her in ages. Then we all got something and sat down. Talked for awhile and then tyler drove me home. I got home and talked on the phone for abit then around 11, Becky came over and we hung out for abit. She just left actually. And now I think i'm going to bed...-later nate but before I do im in a picture mood tonite so heres one: Hope you like it. G'Nite. |
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Lonestar Amazed Every time our eyes meet This feeling inside me Is almost more than I can take Baby when you touch me I can feel how much you love me And it just blows me away I've never been this close to anyone or anything I can hear your thoughts I can see your dreams I don't know how you do what you do I'm so in love with you It just keeps getting better I wanna spend the rest of my life With you by my side Forever and ever Every little thing that you do Baby I'm amazed by you The smell of your skin The taste of your kiss The way you whisper in the dark Your hair all around me Baby you surround me You touch every place in my heart Oh it feels like the first time every time I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes I don't know how you do what you do I'm so in love with you It just keeps getting better I wanna spend the rest of my life With you by my side Forever and ever Every little thing that you do Baby I'm amazed by you Every little thing that you do I'm so in love with you It just keeps getting better I wanna spend the rest of my life With you by my side Forever and ever Every little thing that you do Oh, every little thing that you do Baby I'm amazed by you |
| 12:55am - Thursday (wednesday nite) - November 21st 2002 |
| Well thought i'd throw another update in here before I head off to bed. Tonite was pretty cool, dabney and tyler showed up at my place to pick me up and we went out for a cruise and met up with becky and neil at dairy queen and got a cake. Then Dan and Sheena showed up, dan dropped sheena off cause he couldn't stay and we headed over to beckys, but becky went and picked up Jon and Chris, we got the ate some cake and watched the season finale of the Bachelor, so we did that..Helene won. It was a pretty funny nite cause this was beckys favorite show and most of the guys there had never seen an episode. Then afterwards tyler dropped chris and jon and then me off. Now here I am... I have to get up in about 5 hours for my 8-6 shift tommarrow. I'm going to be sooo fucking tired. im going to bed. -later nate |
| 7:25pm - Wednesday - November 20th 2002 |
| Whats up. Didnt do to much yesterday ...just worked out and worked. Today I woke up bright and early at 6am and got ready to go to the gym. Worked out from about 7 til 9 then showered and shaved, went to work. Worked on the order from 10 til 6 and come home. Got home and went on icq.. and talked to Michelle, whose sick, so I hope she feels better soon. I tried to help her with a project shes doing on cloning. But then she thought she was going to hurl so she had to go. So now here I am... waiting for becky to call so I can find out when im going over to her place for her little get together tonite.. we'll see... -later nate |
| 1:55am - Monday - November 19th 2002 |
| Today I woke my lazy ass up around 11 and headed to the gym. I walked... bad idea.. I got totally soaked. Got to the gym worked out for 3 hours and went to work. Worked then went up to the mall to buy GTA: Vice City but it was sold out, came home talked to michelle for awhile, the talked to becky, she said dabney and tyler were over and she was coming to pick me up. SO she came and got me and we decided to go see a movie, we went and picked up beckys bf Neil up near UNB and becky called her friend amanda and invited her. So we all went to see Jackass:The Movie. I finally got to see it!, Funniest movie i've ever seen. HAhah shit... it was awesome. Then after the movie dabney dropped amanda off and took me home. And now here I am. I think i'm going to go watch a movie. -later nate |
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Supersuckers "Stuff 'n' Nonsense" Do you remember the old days when you used to love me, you were so fond of me, you were thinking of me Do recall our big fall for one and other How we discovered that we were so much more then lovers I didn't work and you quit school And everything was so fantastic Crackin up to the same bad jokes all day I cant forget when we first met how I ignored you But I sure fell for you and now I adore you You never guessed you get mixed up with a guy like me but I can't console ya cause I dont know shit, i adore ya Its the same old story but you say cliche I say classic But all we really have is today, so what the hey! Common! SO let the falme die out of this usesless squakin And lets get talking, its a nite for walking We looking bad, when your feelin bad you got to tell it to me not yell it threw me, you dont know what thats doin to me What a drag, we pack our bags after all this time and all this magic You and I both know we'll never make up our minds Didnt life its all that I dont need to make this life not seem all this tragic Either way it goes it's been one hell of a ride but what the hey, she sighed... its all stuff and nonsense anyway.... Do you remember the old days when you used to love me? |
| 1:55am - Monday - November 19th 2002 |
| Just got off the phone so I thought i'd throw and update in before I go to bed. The counter at the bottom of the page is broken... I don't know how to fix it, it never shows the right number. I checked my page statistics today for the first time in awhile and tho it only says I have had like 1300 hits ...i've really had around 3500... pretty scary eh? I don't really have much else to add...just be downloading alot of music tonite... and threw the lyircs to a new song I like into this update... -later nate |
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MXPX "GSF" You didn't have to be so mean to me I guess now I see how it's gonna be I'm joining GSF, I've made up my mind Forget this thing called love, it's a waste of time Girls ain't no good anymore, anyway! Not for one second have I understood Why they do what they do, why they say what they say Always happens to my friends, it always happens to me It's taken me 19 years to finally see She said "Can we just be friends? It's just not working out." Another broken heart that I can do without Girls ain't no good anymore, anyway! Not for one second have I understood Why they do what they do, why they say what they say |
| 1:38pm - Sunday - November 18th 2002 |
| Snowy Sunday... yestah'day I woke up around 11 and had to shower and get ready really quick to go to this young liberal convention thing up at stu. Went to the with my bro and some friends, it was pretty cool. ALl kinds of people there, so we went and listened to everyones speechs and stuff. Shawn Graham was there and shit.. Then I went to work and came home and tried to find someone to go to a party with me but that didnt end up working out so Becky came over and we watched Harry Potter and talked til like 2am. Then she went home and I went to bed. Woke up this morning and it was snowing... wont last tho, were supposed to get a shitload of rain. We went and picked up nick at his gfs place and did some errands, the roads were rigth shitty out, saw tons of people off the road or stuck.. its kind of sad... saw some people pushing an mx3 up smythe street... that made me laugh... hah. So I just rented some movies, im going to chill out today and watched them and relax. -later nate |
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Waking Dream |
| 1:08am - Saturday (Friday Nite) - November 16th 2002 |
| Today was a long fuckin day... had to wake up at 6:30 to shower and get ready for work for 8, mom dropped me off at Tim Hortins at like 7:15 so I got a juice and a muffin and listened to my discman until I went to work. Got to work and went right to work on the order again.. pat brought me a turkey sandwich and a juice box for me ...which I thought was really sweet of her. finished it around 2 and took my break, went to subway then walked around downtown for awhile, came back and swept the floor, and they let me go home at 5, which was pretty sweet since I thought I was going to be there until 8. So I came home and took some pills cause im still really feeling shitty, and I passed out... woke up around 9..or 10... I still feel like shit ...and I have to do all this stuff tommarrow...oh well...tyme for some sleep. -later nate |
 which eye are you? brought to you by Quizilla |
 What Kind of Virgin Are You? brought to you by Quizilla |
 Which Personality Disorder Do You Have? brought to you by Quizilla |
 What Sort of Romantic Are You? brought to you by Quizilla |
| 11:28pm - Thursday - November 14th 2002 |
| I feel like shit. I cant remember what I did yeasterday ...im to tired and groggy to think...probly just worked and worked out...whatever ...Today was an ok day... they put me back on the order at work so I had to work at 10 this morning, so I got up really early and went to the gym and worked out for like 3 hours, then went to work and worked all day. It was actually pretty fun doing the order with jen, angela, lonnie and judy, time flew right by even tho I wasnt feeling to great, then after work, me and jen drove lonnie home and went to get a birthday ice cream cake for her mom, so we got to dairy queen and picked out a nice cake with a big smiley face on it. We got them to put Happy Birthday Mom on it ...it was cute. Then we headed back over to jens place and had some supper and cake. Then watched tv the rest of the nite, her mom gave me all kinds of cold stuff cause I wasnt feeling good, it was nice, but it didnt really help. So now here I am feelin like shit and I have to work a 12 hour shift tommarrow... 8-8.. so I should probably get to bed... but I'd like to Wish Pat Hoyt a wonderfully Happy Birthday, I hope all your birthday wishes come true =)... and now I think im going to go hop into my nice warm heated waterbed...mmm...sleep...Nitey nite... -later nate |
| 10:53pm - Tuesday - November 12th 2002 |
| Whats up. This morning I woke up around 12, and got ready to go to the gym. Walked to the gym, worked out, walked to work. Worked. One of the guys at work gave me a cd to listen to ...Supersuckers, its a decent cd, not my usual stuff but I like it, especially this one song "Stuff 'n' Nonsense", lately i've been listening alot more to the lyrics in songs rather than the beats. It's funny how much effect a song that really gets to you can make you feel, better or worse... I have a dentist appointment in the morning I really don't want to go to, and I think i'm getting sick. Which really sucks cause I hate being sick... and I can't workout when I'm sick, and I just f*cking hate being sick... just need a little rest and hopefully i'll get better. On the upside tho, they're putting me back on the order at work, so atleast i'm getting some more hours... well I think i'm going to go to bed ...or something ...Nitey nite... -later nate |
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Here's a pic for Christina ..cause she doesn't think I ever smile... its not much of a smile ...but i'm getting there...  |
| 10:03pm - Monday - November 11th 2002 |
| MoNdaY...rememberance day. Woke up today around 12, went to the gym for like 3 hours, it was packed. Didn't think there would be to many people there being as how it was a holiday and all, but there were. Then I came home, ate some supper and took a nap. Woke up around 7:30, im still really tired, had an awesome weekend tho. anyways Im going to get back to working out... lates-nate |
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OK Go Get Over It Lot of knots, lot of snags, lot of holes, lot of cracks lot of crags. Lot of naggin' old hags, lot of fools, lot of fool scum bags. Oh it's such a drag, what a chore... oh your wounds are full of salt. Everything's a stress and what's more, well it's all somebody's fault. Hey! Get over it! Makes you sick, makes you ill, makes you cheat, slipping change from the till. Had it up to the gills... makes you cry while the milk still spills. Ain't it just a bitch? What a pain... Well it's all a crying shame. What left to do but complain? Better find someone to blame. Hey! Get over it! Got a job, got a life, got a four-door and a faithless wife. Got those nice copper pipes, got an ex, got a room for the night. Aren't you such a catch? What a prize! Got a body like a battle axe... Love that perfect frown, honest eyes We oughta buy you a cadillac |
| 12:30am - Monday (Sunday Nite) - November 11th 2002 |
| Yo. Ending off the long weekend in style. Lets start with lastnite. Joe gave me a call around 5:30 and told me to grab some beers and head up to his place, so I grabbed a bite and got a ride over to his place. Chilled there with him,evan and wishart for awhile. Then jen called and invited us over to her place. So we ended up goin over there and just chilled. It was weird seeing everyone I haven't seen in so long. All my old friends, I hadn't hung out with any of them since aslong as I can rememeber. Sat and drank a few with Evan, found out he was going to Acadia, the school which i'm pretty sure i'm going to next year, he's there on a football scolarship. So thats pretty sweet. I didn't know anyone else who was there so now i'm right psyked to go. Decided i'm going to take psychology there, and get a science degree and hopefully end up becoming a forensic psychologist. Had a pretty good nite. I don't know how or when I got home, but its all goodm woke up this morning at like 5 am not feeling so great, mom went out and got me some breakfast. For the rest of the day I just chilled at home, then went over to my dads for supper. Then tonite I met up with Julie and Michelle at the mall around 8 to get tickets for 8 mile that new movie starring Eminem. The movie didn't start til 9:40 so we had some time to kill so we went over to Julies friend Josh's house and talked to him for awhile then headed back over to the mall to try and get good seats. That didn't really work out we ended up in the front. The movies was pretty good. Wasn't exactly what I expected but I liked it. Michelle gave me a ride home and now here I am... going to hit the gym hard tommarrow since I don't have to work and all... should be good haven't been there since friday and I feel bad when I don't go. anyways im going to go watch tv or somethinh. lates-nate |
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Everybody Hurts When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone, when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on. Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes. Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along. When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on) if you feel like letting go, (hold on) when you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on. Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends. Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand. If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long, when you think you've had too much of this life to hang on. Well, everybody hurts sometimes, everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes. And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade) (Everybody hurts. You are not alone.) |
| 1:40am - Saturday (Friday Nite) - November 9th 2002 |
Hey,hey. Phun Phriday! well I guess it's Saturday now. Oh well... Today was great. Woke up feeling nice good. Showered, threw some Millencolin in my cd player and walked to the gym, I didn't work til 5 today so I went to the gym early and did a very vigorous workout, 3 hours. Crazy, it was completely dead at the gym until around 3:30 when all these body builders showed up, pretty nice guys, showed me alot of new excercises, and showed me what type of excercises to do to build specific muscles. Finished my workout, hit the showers, Julie called me when I was changing, my cell phone rang and all these naked old men started stareing at me, hah. Its all good tho. I told her I'd give her a call when I got off work and we'd figure out what we were doing later. So I headed to work. Worked 5-8. Called julie and she came and picked me up at work, She had a little trouble finding the store but she found it so I wasnt complaining  !. We went up to the mall, and just hung out for awhile, she bought a Kustom Hoodie at the beads store, a SUm41/GiJoe one. Its pretty cool, she seemed to like it so we just walked around the mall, went and talked to her bf at KFC. She had to have the car home by 10, so at 9:30 she gave me a ride home. Just want to thank Julie for hanging out with me tonite, I had a great time, shes awesome!. I came home and went out and got a sub, at Subway, I go there so much the girl working there knows me and my sub haha, she sees me when I walk in and shes already getting the bread out and throwing the chicken in the microwave... haha. She gives me extra stamps too. Then just chilled at home and chatted to Julie and Michelle on icq/msn. It was actually a really fun nite. I had a great time. Life's starting to really look up again and i'm really glad I can see that again. I actually feel like smiling, and laughing again, its weird I'm never happy, everyone I know knows that =). Maybe its just a phase ...I don't know if I can take all this happiness ...haha...  lates-nate
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"Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)" Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to do. So make the best of this test, and don't ask why. It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right. I hope you had the time of your life. So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind. Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time. Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial. For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. I hope you had the time of your life. I hope you had the time of your life. |
| 11:18pm - Thursday - November 6th 2002 |
| Today was good. I woke up. Showered. Shaved. Walked to the gym. I've been listening to millencolin on my daily walk lately... gets me pumped up. All they're lyrics seem to relate to me. Got to the gym and worked out for an hour and a half, showered again. Headed to work. Mopped of a couple of hours. Got home, natalie called and I went up to the mall and saw The Ring with her. I had a great time. The movie was awesome. I liked it alot until the twist at the end, that was great, made. I give it a 4/5. Definately worth seeing. It was alot like Stir of Echoes, I love that movie. After the movie we went over to Hardy's and I bought some more Hommies. I'll update with pics later... it was cool hanging out with natalie we'd never really hung out alone before, but it was cool. Then I came home and chatted it up on icq with a couple people, and watched CSI. All and all an excellent day if you ask me. Tommarrow I'm hopefully doing something with Julie when I get off work. I dont hang out with her as much as i'd like, so tommarrow should be fun, shes awesome. Then on saturday I might give jordan a call. I havent hung out with him in the longest time. Well thats all for tonite. I want to wish Emily Rodger a happy late birthday tho. Happy Birthday. haha. and say hi to your sister for me ;). well thats all for now. lates-nate |
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"Nice Guys Finish Last" Nice guys finish last. You're running out of gas. Your sympathy will get you left behind. Sometimes you're at your best, when you look the worst. Do you feel washed up, like piss going down the drain Pressure cooker pick my brain and tell me I'm insane. I'm so freaking happy I could cry. Every joke can have its truth and now the joke's on you. I never knew you were such a funny guy. Oh nice guys finish last, when you are the outcast. Don't pat yourself on the back, you might break your spine. Living on command. You're shaking lots of hands. Kissing up and bleeding all your trust, taking what you need. Bit the hand that feeds. You kill your memory |
| 12:33am - Thursday - November 6th 2002 |
| Woke up this morning and watched a movie, 100 Girls, it was a decent flick, One guy sleeps with some girl in an elevator during a blackout and then when he wakes up she is gone. He tries to find her for the rest of the movie. I'll give it 2.5/5... rent it if you don't think you'll be watching much of the movie anyways.. . Then took a shower, shaved and walked to work. Worked my 2 hour shift and mom picked me up. In a minivan, yep the crv needs parts from japan. 2 more weeks... without the SiR... with a minivan, that I can't drive either... Tonite.. was a total bust. Plans for a movie didn't work out. Kind of sucks cause I was looking forward to it. Oh well, she said she'd go tommarrow, but I really don't think she wants to go see a movie with me, so I won't make her. So tonite I just worked out, and watched tv. Saw some guy on Ripley's Believe It ot Not, with a giant hand that was pretty exciting, oh and there was some girl that had half her brain removed... wow. Tommarrow im going to go over to my dads office and have jen do up some resumes and go job hunting. Big day tommarrow... im out. lates-naTe
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Millencolin - A-TEN * I'm holding you as you feel scared and small. You've lost someone you love and it's her you're thinking of. It's all that matters to you right now and it will be like this for long. I'll be close to you, won't hide 'cause I know you need me by your side. You wanna see her back again. You wanna see her back into your world. These past few months have been the toughest of your life. You've lost someone you love and there's no greater pain above. I know how close you were you two and the joy and love you shared. It was sweet for me to see but now it's aching inside me. If only she could see you now. Deep inside I think she can somehow. She'd laugh and smile. -Shut up you're dreaming ! You're screaming at me loud. And that's the way you really feel. Back into your world... |
| 11:48pm - Tuesday - November 5th 2002 |
| The space in my journal is kind of wasting away. With this stupid geocities account I only get like 15 megs of space... I need to find a new host. If you know of any decent ones ...email them to me. Well today was quite the bore. Stayed up really late lastnite on the phone so I ended up sleeping in until like 1 ...yet again missing my opportunity to go to the gym. Oh well. I'll get back on track eventually. I just read on fark that the US military have developed laser beam weapons. Haha crazy shit, eh? I want a laser beam weapon... fark is such a wonderful source of information... because of information I have learned on fark ...I am currently considering moving to Japan ...haha j/k. Walked to work today. It was wet out so I couldnt sweep so I had to make moping last 2 hours... fun shit. Then afterwards I walked home. Got home. Ate.. normal usual shit. Rented a couple movies... Liberty Stands Still, and 100 Girls...(no its not a porn). Just got done watching Liberty Stands Still... it was a decent flick... i'd give it a 3.5/5. I tend to watch alot of movies so I think I might just start up a weekly movie review thing on here... hah like it matters ...not very many people read my journal anyways. Oh well ...I do this for myself. I'm sure some of the people who read this probably use this stuff against me or use it to judge me... which I guess would be fair since this is my journal... and is essentially me, In a way... I don't really care who reads it. I do this as sort of an outlet... a way to get rid of some frustration and to waste a little time, alot of time actually. But it is still cool to look back in my earlier entries and remember exactly what was going on in my life at that given time but it isnt completely honest... I try to keep people who don't want to be in my journal out, because I'm sure not everyone wants to have themselves talked about openly on the internet. Which is cool. And I understand that. What else did I do tonite? I tried to get ahold of Natalie cause i'm supposed to go to a movie with her tommarrow, but I don't know if thats happening since I haven't talked to her since saturday. I'll give her a call tommarrow after work I guess... and see if its still on. Hopefully is... cause I really want to see The Ring or maybe Santa Claus 2 ...but i'll let her pick . Maybe I can convince her to go see Jackass! ...hah that would be sweet, I still haven't seen that movie... and I want to see it soooo damn bad. But anyways... i'm going to go try and get some resumes done up tommarrow or thursday so I can try and find a new fulltime job, cause Simms as awesome as it is to work there ...I don't seem to be getting anymore hours as many times as Mike said he was going to have a talk to me about getting more hours it never seems to happen. I just can't live on hah 13 hours a week? and my 200$ a month allowence. I need more... alot more. I've decided im going to buy a project car sometime sooner or later. Looking for either a crx, mx3 or any type of old hatchback that I could fix up and throw a huge sound system in. Thats all im looking for ...no performance shit or anything, maybe like a fart pipe and a body kit..but insurance would be a bitch with much performance stuff. Its going to be all BOOM! and no Zoom, but BOOM! it will... either that or a nice old suv ...like a Bronco, Old Jimmy or an old blazer...or even like an explorer ...somthing with tons of room in the back for a huge box, so I could throw like 4 elemental 15's in the back ...BOOM BOOM BOOM... haha. I can't wait until I find something ...gut it rebuild it ...deaden the whole thing ...my goal is 150+dBs if not next summer then but the one after that... can't wait... lates-naTe
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| 2:18am - Tuesday - November 5th 2002 |
Today was another bad nite. The epitome of bad nites actually. I got hurt again, but I really should have seen it coming. I try so hard to do whatever I can for the people I care about and I trust them and what they tell me, but nothing is ever what it seems. I don't know what to do anymore. Everytime this happens it hurts more and more. I don't know why things always seem to work out for the worst for me, man, life just likes to fuck with you doesn't it? It gives you everything you've ever wanted and then takes it all away and laughs at you when your in pain. Atleast thats how I feel right now... sad. depressed. and alone. but I know one day i'll look back on this and laugh... because I know in the long run... none of this really matters ...nothing does. Never has and never will... but I still feel this way now, and I can't help but hurt, but what does it matter... what do I care anymore... my heart has been broken so many times, I don't know if I even have anything left. Its sad. I have so much to give and gave so much, but i've never really felt appreciated, I know my efforts don't go un-noticed and that they do mean something ...i just don't think anymore really cares tho ...they say they do, but I don't know... do they? I just need some time to think... think about my life, think about how I'm going to deal with all of this another time, hopefully the last time... lates-naTe |
"Even if we never talk again after tonight, please remember that I am forever changed by who you are and what you meant to me" -Chasing Amy |
| 5:41pm - Sunday - November 3rd 2002 |
| Well it's been a long day, stayed up pretty late last nite waiting for a phone call I knew probably would never come... but I still had hoped that it would ...so I stayed up ...but by 6am ...you start to lose faith. I just hope this doesn't mean what I think it means... but I know it probably does... I know this doesnt make sense to anyone but me so I'll try to stop my ramblings now. Finally went to bed at 6am ...slept until around 3 in the afternoon... checked my phone ...no calls. It's sad really ...I was afraid to go anywhere today without my phone ...being scared that maybe they'd call and i'd miss the one call i'd been waiting all nite for... but anyways enough about that. I rented a couple movies, to try and get my mind off of shit. Rented Spiderman and some oldie horror flick. Just got done watching spiderman actually, I had already seen it, but I rented it anyways cause the first time I watched it was on the computer when I downloaded it, and I didn't find it that good so I thought i'd give it another shot. It was alright. Still didn't think it was that great ... I used to think Kirsten Dunst was a pretty good actress but she really acts the exact same in all the movies shes in and its kind of getting annoying because every movie shes ever in she acts the same way... don't know what I'm going to do later tonite ...probly watch the other movie I rented and work out or something ...I'm not in a very good mood right now, for a variety of reasons ...I don't know whats wrong with me... I have some serious issues... I just don't understand anything ...things can seem perfect, but things can never be perfect, as soon as they seem to be ... they always get fucked up....so whats the point, why bother trying... im out... lates-naTe |
| Don't mind my depressive and sadistic views of life, I know that there really is a point and that life is worth living and all that other shit.. It's just hard sometimes when you think of all you do for something or someone and how hard you try to just be there for someone, to care for them no matter what and you don't really know if they even give a shit about it... or you. So you keep on trying and keep on living ...and if they don't understand that then maybe they aren't worth it ...but to me a true friend is worth fighting for. Quotes for the day: |
Update- 6:56pm-> My dad just called ...he told me I should tone down my journal out of respect for those people who read it and are offended by my language and strange views. He said I should write in it as if my grandmother were reading it... which sucks because without all the swearing it just isn't really me ...haha. oh well. I guess I could try and tone it down abit ...I don't want anyone to be offended... lates-naTe |
| 12:38am - Sunday - November 3rd 2002 |
| Most of this entry has been erased, out of respect to people who read my journal and who may have been offended by what I wrote in here...mainly my family... lates-naTe Got my hair crimped tonite haha... so I took a couple pics ...what do you think...? and a couple pics of my little plant friend ...  ... click to enlarge.
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| 12:05am - Sunday - November 3rd 2002 |
| Today ...what did I do today, nicks goen to some dialogue thing in St. Andrews so me and mom have been kickin it at home without his sorry ass for the better half of the weekend, we finished off all the leftover halloween candy. Watched some tv and went on icq for abit... then jumped in the Honda SiR and headed to work. Worked my 2 hour shift and headed home. Mom got a pizza for supper and my aunt showed up for a little surprised visit. Watched the bone collector on NBC and just chilled most of the nite. I'm not feeling great so I just decided to stay in tonite... i'll update somemore in abit... lates-naTe |
| 12:35am - Saturday - November 2nd 2002 |
| Well i'm kind of tired so there isn't going to be much of an update for tonite. Sorry... lates-naTe Found this a couple weeks ago, thought it was funny but forgot to post it. Honduh?. |
| 2:49pm - Friday - November 1st 2002 - Post Halloween |
| So how was everyones Halloween? ...mine was alright. Worked until 6, came home, gave out treats for awhile, it seems like people are either in love or scared to death of our dog. He's always right crazy on halloween nite... all these weird people in masks and shit coming to our door and everytime he freaks out and runs to the door barking like crazy. We didnt get many people apparently this year we have tons of candy leftover. Anyways...I went up to the mall for abit. Haha ...bought some more homies, 5 of them actually... they're a rip off at a buck apiece but I don't really give a shit cause I likem', but one of them I already had. Saw Julie and her bf at the mall so I hung out with them for abit, gave her one of my homies, the one I already had. We went to the Showcase store and played with all the crazy as seen on tv shit, sat in those crazy massaging chairs... and she put all these creams and stuff on my arm and I didnt know what they were for, but she just told me to leave it for a couple minutes, so I did ...then she wiped it off and it took all the hair on my arm off. Fun. The mall was completely empty, left the mall and watched some horror movies on tv. Then went to bed. Kept hearing weird noises all nite so they kept me up because they were creepy... I wasnt really scared. So that was my halloween. Then this morning I woke up, and mom took me for a cruise in the Honda SiR we're going to apparently have for another week. It's great, shes not driving all conservatively like she normally does... she is really driving it. She says she likes the sound it makes at high rpm so she keeps pushing it. The i-vtec is nice, you can really notice it working. I'm trying to convince her to get one, it'd be nice to be running somethig decent instead of her stupid mini suv ...how are you supposed to race in a mini suv hah... I don't think its going to happen tho. We got home and I went back to bed. I woke up about an hour ago... and now i've got to get ready for work... I hope everyone had a decent halloween. lates-naTe |
| Some pics of my new homies, Boricua, Lurch, La Negra and Indio... a group shot... and a couple of me ...click to enlarge. |
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