Clouds of rain take over me once again
I dont' know the right words to scream so once again my cries go unheard
I don't know the right thing to pray for so once again my prayers go ignored
I'm frightened and trapped between mediocracy and insanity
The everyday life of going to a job that leads to nowhere is part of my calamity
All the dreams I once held...disappeared....what the fuck happened to me
When and where did I fall apart
Was it that warm fall day...now so far away...
Was it that winter 'mourning', that took me away
Outside, look in, once again shall I bleed to make sure there is still life within me
How do people do this everyday, maybe they don't, maybe its just me
So young, yet it feels like all my options are exhausted and I've wasted this life of mine
Maybe I should have been more grateful, said thank you when I had the time
Instead I chainsmoke my self to death with the stress of the unknown driving me very close
To the edge of all I can take ...where anger explodes and I dread that day
Feeling lonely in an overpopulated world
Nothing more than an insignificant waste of a girl
� 2003 Skandelous LaLa (All rights reserved)
STRONG ENOUGH
There's times when I feel as if these fragile walls could crumble
Its has if this temple I have built is on the verge of falling apart
And for everything I've worked for, I just don't think I'm strong enough to continue on
There's a time when everything in life is right. I'm safe. The all of a sudden blows the cold wind.... And I am not strong once again.
How many to does the smile look real? When I look in the mirror, to me it looks so fake. I'm about to crumble and I don't know if one more incident I can take.. What will be the final straw placed upon me which I break?
I'm just not strong enough to go thru this again.
I close my eyes and ask that the Great Divine, help me as I live this life.
For I have done this before and within a thousand lifetimes.
I have fought battles without breaking. And when my fort crumbles, I pick up the pieces and rebuild,.
My tears do not make me weak, each diamond drop blesses me more.
My fears teach me about myself and then I know what I can overcome and the only thing to really fear is fear itself.
My secrets teach me of the truth.
And my mistakes teach me where not to go wrong again.
Time hurts but it is also the greatest healer... And I begin to smile again.
I may not be the strongest, but I know that I am strong enough.
� 2002 Skandelous LaLa (All rights reserved)
Past Tomorrow
I cant' see past tomorrow because there appears to be nothing there
I look in the mirror and see a girl I know longer know
Her eyes no longer shine, her face no longer glows
And everyday a bit older, she feels her soul grow
What happened to my bright happy future?
Full of limitless possibilities and dreams
Behind the smoke and mirrors, nothing is as it seems
Hearing a dear friend, telling me I've changed
And not for the better, and the WHY I can't explain
I know I'm not who I used to be
My soul feels broken and diseased
And all I see when I look in the mirror, is the image of the girl who used to be me...
Her smile looks so damn fake
As she contemplates how much more she can take
And her heart is full of anger....
I have been given so much...blessed more than most...
With beautiful experiences...and the most beautiful people... I feel almost jealous of myself to know
So why is it when I look inside
I see an empty little girl trying to hide
Beneath these layers of me, I fear that its all slowly crumbling
Staring at the girl I used to know
Believing there has got to be something past tomorrow...
� 2002 Skandelous LaLa (All rights reserved)
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