diary3

Nov. 14
Dear Diary,
     ScubaSteve asked me to marry him this evening. He said he wanted a wife to help trash the playground. I told him to stick his finger up his butt cause that was the only ring he was ever gonna get on his finger. The funny part is that he actually did it.
     "I'm into scat," he said.
      Mayby I should put him on The Shit List.

AudreyHorne

Nov. 13
Dear Diary,
      I've decided not to sell my name. I have too much going on right now to change names. There would be too much confusion on the playground. He offered more money, but I don't need it. Daddy takes care of me.
   On Dateline NBC last night, there was a report on this girl who went to bed one night then woke up retarded. She'd sleep for 18 hours at a time and act like a retard when she was awake. After a few days she'd snap out of if and be normal again. However, whenever she least expect it, she'd wake up retarded again. Doctor don't know what the hell's wrong with her.
     I think Sugarhigh has this disease. Maybe that's why she stuck that gerbil up her butt. She's retarded!
     I never knew news magazine shows could be so informatve.

AudreyHorne

Nov. 12
Dear Diary,
     Today in school, Sugarhigh got caught sticking a gerbil up her butt in the girl's bathroom. She said she like to feel it crawling around inside her. That bitch is nasty.
     Excuse me while I go throw up.

AudreyHorne

Nov.10
Dear Diary,
     I am so messed up. Some sissy named LaundryPorn slipped something in my drink during lunch. I think it was X cause I'm all hot and sweaty and into the rhythm and everything feels good on my skin and I'm just so damned horny. It kicked in during Gym class when we were in the showers. I started touching myself. Everyone was watching, but I didn't care. I even grabbed Jimi by his hendrix. Wonderous kept rubbing her fine ass against mine. I think LaundryPorn slipped her something too. Anyway, we all ended up having an orgy in the shower room, even The Granny. We ironed out a few of her wrinkles, lemme tell ya. Just thinking about it makes me as moist as Betty crocker.
     I have to go. I have an itch to take care of.

AH

Nov.9
Dear Diary,
     Someone offered to buy my name today. They said they wanted to end AH's evil ways once and for all. They offered me quite a bit of money. I really don't need the money, my father Ben is loaded and he would be upset if I changed my name The Horne name is something to be proud of. However, going underground for awhile might be in my best interest and with the money I get from the buyer, I could start a new life much more easily. I didn't give him an answer yet. I'll have to think this over. Also, my wesite is part of the deal. He'd be buying that, too. And shutting it down. I don't like that idea.
     Aqua is so sweet. I asked him this evening if he wanted to write episode 3 of Close Encounters, I hope he says yes. I would like to read an installment that I didn't write. I bet it would be great.
     I have to go. Dad has me counting votes. Anything for the campaign.

AH

Nov. 7
Dear Diary,
     I'm sorry I haven't written you in a few days. My father Ben Horne had me helping him work on the Gore campaign. The results of the election should be in soon. I hope Gore wins. He's so much better looking than that little troll from Texas. I didn't like Bush's father as president and neither did anyone else. Why on earth would anyone want to vote for the bastard's son! I just wish I was old enough to vote.
     My friends Aquarius and CaramelPop are getting married! I'll have to buy them a toaster. Maybe they'll let me be the priest. I look good in black.
    Well. I have to go. I want to see how the election is unfolding. See you tomorrow!

AudreyHorne