How to identify abuse

Recognizing domestic violence is not always easy. Physical violence is tangible by swollen eyes, bruises, bites, fractures, knife or bullet wounds, and death.

Physical abuse includes pushing, grabbing, shoving, biting, kicking, punching, burning, slapping, shaking, choking, spitting, physical restraint, pulling of hair, dragging, being depriving of sleep, heat or food, assault with a weapon, which would include guns, knives, whips, tire iron, bats or broken bottles.

Mental or psychological abuse is more difficult it identify and to articulate. It is a very slow and methodical way of controlling another human being. It is not as prominent as a physical assault. It transpires over a longer period of time.

The intent of psychological abuse is to instill fear in the victim, thus giving the perpetrator complete power and control. The threats might be against her, her children, pets, or other family members. The abuser will slowly isolate the victim, continually belittle her in private and in the company of others. He will destroy her personal effect, her self worth, emotional security, remove her financial independence, destroy her credit, threaten deportation, suicide or murder if she attempts to leave. They might undermine her attempts to get or keep a job, and question her daily activities.

Abusers use anger and intimidation have sudden mood swings, use silence as a weapon or unprovoked shouting, yelling, pounding on walls, and tables threatening she will be next and blame her for the abuse.

Sexual abuse including rape is also a common allegation from victims. Often the three are inter-twined.

The victim will eventually suffer from general fearfulness, constant fears of impending danger, nightmares, difficult dealing with fear, anger, denial, sadness, feeling of guilt, sense of helplessness, inability to act for themselves, anxiety about separation, and sometimes have no connection to their own feelings.

Physical difficulties may include constant stomach-aches, headaches, ulcers, rashes, diarrhea, high levels of stress, speech disorders, and inability to concentrate.

All of the above effect a woman's job and work performance, her attendance, and also lead to her a physician for medication. There is a high ratio of victims who turn to prescription drugs, or alcohol to cope with the abuse.

Socially they may withdraw from friends, and family. They have low self-esteem and mixed felling towards their abuser. They are caught between denial of the abuse, and falsely believe they are at fault.

Victims will stay due to the threats of leaving, or because of their children, especially if the children are not being abused. They believe if they work hard enough at the relationship the abuse will stop. They may lack family support, be in denial , or still love their just wanting the abuse to stop.

If you know any woman that is currently suffering from abuse urge them to seek support and counseling. Do not withdraw your support because the will remain in the relationship. It is vital to their well being that support and understanding is always available. Victims should never have to suffer in silence. The Woman Abuse Council located in Toronto is an excellent source for information and have pamphlets available on spousal abuse.

Other Supports for victims or their families are:
SiS c/o 416-361-1667;
Women to Women c/o 920-0268;
or the Assaulted Women's HelpLine at; 416 516-9738

Part III: Community Response
Part IV: Breaking the cycle of violence