The next day, Abby, Nancy, and Elizabeth go to see Noah's family and knock on the door.
His Dad opens the door and gives Nancy a hug. "It's good to see you, come on in." He says to the three Bradford women.
"It's good to see you too." Nancy says and they walk in the house.
"Hi." Liz says
"Hi, do any of you need anything to drink?"
"No I'm fine." Nancy says.
Liz nods no.
"Me, either," Abby says. "How are you holding up?" she asks Noah's father.
"I'm surviving." He says.
Holly comes running in. "Is Noah with you?" She asks Nancy.
"Honey we talked about this." Her dad says.
"I don't believe you." She says and stands there waiting for Nancy's answer.
Nancy kneels down beside her. "No sweetie he's not with me. And your parents have told you the truth."
Holly turns away and goes back to the den.
Nancy sighs and gets back on her feet.
"May I try talking to her?" Abby asks.
He nods.
Abby heads to the den. "Hey," she says to Holly.
Holly looks up. "Hi."
"You miss him, don't you?"
"Yes, why won't he come home?"
"He would if he could, but he can't, Holly."
"Why not? Doesn't he love me anymore?"
"Oh, Holly, he loved you very much, and I'm sure that if it had been up to him he would be here with you right now. But it wasn't, and a bad man hurt him, and now both Noah and the bad man are gone."
"But I need him here, don't I get a say?"
"Not really. There is one thing you can do, though."
"What's that?"
"Well, it's kind of complicated." Abby pauses for a minute, trying to figure out how to say it. "See, people aren't just their bodies. They're also the memories they make with other people, and the love that other people feel for them. So as long as you love Noah and do things which would have made him proud of you, there's still a part of Noah that's with you, and no one will ever be able to take that away."
"I like that."
Abby hugs her.
Holly hugs her also.
Noah's mom finally comes downstairs and hugs Nancy. "How are you?"
"How are you?" Nancy asks her.
"Let's not go there right now." She replies. "If you need anything our door is always open."
"Thank you." Nancy says wanting to the say the same but not finding the strength.
"Where's Holly?"
Her husband tells her.
They stay a little while more and then go home. "Thanks for coming with me." Nancy tells Elizabeth and Abby.
"You know we're always here for you," Abby answers.
"I know." She manages a smile but freezes in her tracks when she sees Dr. Maxwell is there. Seconds later she goes upstairs and into her room.
"Max?" Abby asks Greg, not sure whether or not he's persona non grata in the Bradford household.
~Yep she's mad.~ He thinks about Nancy. "Hi Abby, I came by to see how she's doing."
"Haven't you seen enough of her? It's not like it's been any help."
"I wanted to apologize to her."
"She's just been to see Noah's family. Frankly, I'm not sure she's up for more shocks."
"I'll come back some other time then."
"Wait. I guess I'd better let her make the decision."
"Ok."
Abby goes upstairs and knocks on Nancy's door.
"Come in." She says.
"Hi," Abby says when she walks in. "Dr. Max is downstairs. He came to talk to you, if you want to see him."
"I don't want to see him right now." She says.
"OK. But you are going to have to talk to him sooner or later."
"Later would be better. I can't talk with him right now."
"When should I tell him to come back?" Abby asks, knowing that if she doesn't push Nancy for some definite answer, it's likely to be 'never.'
"I don't know." Nancy answers not sure how long it will take to stop being angry at him.
"Being angry with him isn't good for you. You're going to have to terms with everything that happened, including Dr. Max's lapse of judgement."
"Can we talk about this later? Please."
"Sure. But we won't forget it, just postpone it,"" Abby says. She gives Nancy a kiss and goes back downstairs.
"Sorry," she tells Greg. "She didn't want to see you, and I'm not sure when she will."
"I don't blame her. Do you think it would be too much if I checked back every now and then."
"No, it's not a bad idea. Have you talked to Tom yet?"
"Yes I have and he says we're ok again."
"Well, one Bradford down, nine to go."
"Abby I really am sorry."
"Do you realize how different things might have been if you'd said something?"
"I do now believe me."
"That'll be small comfort to Noah's family. Max, how could you?"
"I thought if Nancy couldn't remember why put all of you through that. I really wish I can take it back. It was a horrible decision."
"You're lucky we're your friends. If this was some ordinary patient your malpractice insurance would skyrocket."
"I'm sorry."
Abby sighs. "Yeah, I know."
"Do you forgive me?"
"If Tom did, who am I not to?"
He smiles.
"I'll talk to Nancy. But it will probably take her a while to be ready to talk to you."
"I know, well I'd better get going."
"I'll be in touch."
He nods and then leaves.
Later that night, unable to sleep, and not wanting to wake Elizabeth Nancy retreats to the sunporch and gazes at the stars not really paying attention to them lost in her own thoughts. She stays there most of the night and when the sun finally comes up she takes a walk and winds up at the cemetery. It takes her awhile to find it but she does find the grave that she's seeking. She sits down next to it not being able to say anything just staring still unbelievingly at the marker. Moments later.
"You know Noah this joke your playing isn't very funny. But I'll have to say you went all out a grave and everything." The tears start falling again. "Why didn't you stay with me. I don't want a hero I want you alive!! You had no right to do that to leave me like this to leave your family!! We were supposed to get married and grow old together remember those plans?!" She cries harder and when she finally calms down she apologizes for yelling. "If only love could bring you back." She stays there awhile longer and then finally heads back home hoping that no one is awake yet to know that she wasn't there.
Her hopes are dashed when she finds Mary in the kitchen.
"Where have you been?" She asks.
"I needed to get out."
"Are you hungry?"
"No, but I probably should eat something anyway." She says in a tone not caring if she does or not.
Mary makes her some eggs and starts some coffee. Other family members start to awaken and venture in the kitchen.
"I have an appointment with the counselor today." Nancy tells her parents after saying good morning.
"That's good," Abby says. "Do you need someone there with you?"
She nods. "Both of you if that's ok."
"That's fine with me. Tom?"
"Sure, I'll be there."
"Thank you." Nancy says to both of them.
After eating a little Nancy goes upstairs to get some sleep before the appointment. The counselor is still with another patient when they arrive.
"It'll be a few minutes you can wait in the waiting room." The receptionist says.
Abby reaches to hands Nancy a magazine, but then checks the date. "1975? They have to be kidding."
Nancy manages a laugh. "I think there's one here from the last decade also."
"Nothing like old news." Tom says.
"That's for sure."
"Someone ought to tell her it's not nice to try and drive your patients crazy."
"They have to make money somehow right?"
"That's pretty sad."
"I know."
The counselor finally comes out. "Nancy, I'd like to talk with your parents first." She says.
"Ok."
Abby gets up and reaches for Tom's hand to reassure him.
Tom puts a magazine down and then leads Abby into the office.
They look expectantly at the counselor.
After the three of them are sitting down.
"Before I talk to Nancy I wanted to get a general idea of how she's handling everything that's happened and then take it from there."
"She seems to be handling this very well," Abby says. "Maybe a little too well."
Tom nods in agreement.
"What do you mean?" She asks.
"She's taken it all very calmly. Oh, I don't mean she's not upset, but it's a very quiet upset, know what I mean?"
"Like she's holding most of it in?"
Abby nods.
"Hmm, has she mentioned anything about what Rick did to her? Besides actually telling you about it?"
"Not to me," Abby says, looking at Tom to see if he knows any more than she does.
The counselor also waits for his reply before asking another question.
"Me either." Tom replies.
"Don't be alarmed by the next question it's routine for this kind of case. Has she been talking about suicide at all?"
"What?" Tom is shocked.
"I'm not saying she is but it's not uncommon when someone experiences trauma, let alone trauma and loss."
"Terrific." Tom comments.
"I know this a lot to take in at once. I just want to make sure both of you and that I am prepared."
"I know," Abby says, in a tone which indicates it's not just an empty phrase.
"If you don't mind me asking, how do you know?"
"My first husband was killed when I was about Nancy's age."
Tom takes Abby's hand and gently squeezes it.
Abby scoots her chair a little closer to Tom's.
"I see, and I'm sorry."
"It was a long time ago," Abby says, giving her standard line, "which is why I'm sure that if we're real careful with Nancy now, she'll be fine in the long run, or close enough."
"What can we do?" Tom asks.
She nods. "My main goal right now is to get her to open up about what happened but I don't want to push her."
"How do we help?"
"Try to get her to open up more and keep an eye and ear out for warning signs."
"And those would be...." Tom asks.
"Her giving things she really likes away, shutting herself off from friends, loss of interest in activities she loves to do. Making references to it or even joking about it."
"We can try."
"Good, now is there anything else you want to discuss before I see her?"
Tom says no.
"Not that I can think of," Abby says.
"Ok," She gives them her phone number just in case before asking Nancy to come in.
In the waiting room Abby turns to Tom. "I really don't think Nancy would do anything like hurt herself."
"I would hope not." he says very concerned.
"She's got a good head on her shoulders. She'll be OK. It'll just take time."
"Yeah." he says. "Are you OK?"
"I'm with you. How could I not be?"
Tom smiles. "The feeling is mutual."
Abby pats Tom's arm. "So now we just wait for Nancy."
While Abby and Tom converse in the waiting room. The counselor tries to get Nancy to open up more about what happened but doesn't get anywhere that session. So she decides to just try again next session. Soon Nancy comes into the waiting room.
"Are you two ready to go?" She asks.
"If you are," Abby says, standing.
"How did it go?"
She nods.
"All right I guess."
"Good."
They leave the counselors office.
As they drive home, Abby says, "You know, Nancy,. any time you want to talk--any time--you just say so."
"Thank you, can we talk when we get home?"
"Of course."
They arrive home. Moments later on the sunporch.
"I went to the cemetery this morning."
"Alone? That must have been hard."
She nods. "It was, and I got a little angry at him."
"For trying to be a hero?" Abby guesses.
"Yes, if he had just stayed with me till the cops got there."
"That's understandable," Abby says.
"Yeah, and if only I've never gone out with Rick."
"Nancy, you can't start regretting everything you've ever done."
"Why not? If I would've stayed away from him none of this would have ever happened."
"Maybe you should have become a nun."
"A what?" Nancy asks in disbelief.
"Well, if you were a nun, you'd never have dated Rick or Noah, and Noah certainly would never have slept over at your apartment."
"I don't regret meeting Noah."
"If you hadn't gone through everything you did with Rick, you might not have appreciated Noah when you found him."
She lets Abby's words sink in. "It sure is strange how things work."
"It really is. But you have to remember that things do eventually work out. Maybe not the way you planned them, but pretty good anyway."
"That's kind of hard to see right now." Nancy says sadly.
"I know. But as long as you keep on going. Get busy and stay busy until you're at the next step."
"Get busy with what?"
"School, work--anything that keeps you from remembering."
The last thing Nancy was ready for is school or work so she doesn't really know how to reply to this. Except to say. "I don't think I'll be able to go back to either just yet."
"Then just stay busy with us. That's one good thing about a large family--you never have to come home to an empty house."
"That's for sure." She says and would talk about what Rick did but she's not so sure she's ready to at that point.
"There's always someone here who will listen to you, whenever you're ready to talk."
"Thanks Abby." She hugs her. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
Sam comes in with his leash in his mouth.
"Think he's trying to get you out?"
"Yep I think he's definitely trying and I think I should probably take him out."
"I guess you should."
"Do you want to come with us?" Nancy asks as she gets him ready.
"I have to..." Abby starts to say, then decides that Nancy probably shouldn't be alone. "Sure."
"Cool." They take Sam out for a walk.
Later that night Tom finds Nancy on the sunporch looking at the stars while everyone is off in dream land.
"Nancy? You can't sleep?"
She's startled by the sudden voice in the night. "What?"
"You OK?" Tom asks as he sits next to her.
"No." She says.
"Want to talk about it?"
"I'm beginning to wish that my mind would have stayed block."
"I don't know Nancy, truth can be painful, but I think not knowing is even worse."
"But now I can't get it out of my mind."
"Give it some time." Tom says.
"And if time doesn't heal this?"
"Then we will keep on looking until we find something that will help."
She leans her head on his shoulder.
"Would you like some warm milk?" Tom asks.
"I'd love some."
"All right." Tom gets up and goes into the kitchen to make the warm milk.
She goes with him and sits at the kitchen table.
Tom gives her the glass.
"Thanks Dad."
"You are welcome." he says.
She notices him struggling to keep his eyes open. "You should really go back to bed though."
"Hey? Who's the parent here?" he jokes.
"Dad you look exhausted."
"I am but I don't want to leave you alone."
"Then I guess I'll go to bed too then."
"Good." Tom says and walks her upstairs.
They say goodnight to each other and then go to their bedrooms.
Tom wakes Abby, closing the door. "Went downstairs for a snack?" she asks.
"Yeah, Nancy was down there too."
"How is she doing?"
"Not too good."
Abby sighs. "What are we going to do about her?"
The next day the grief over Noah and the memories of the torture hit her at once and when crying doesn't help she heads for the liquor cabinet and pours herself a strong one. She's about to take a gulp but stops in mid swing and puts it down. She then walks away and sits on the couch. ~What the hell am I doing?~
A family member walks in.
"Pretty weak chocolate milk," Joannie says, picking up the glass.
"Don't worry I didn't drink any of it." Nancy says.
"You'd better pour it out before Dad or Abby catches you."
She takes the glass and pours it out. "You know you could have drank it if you wanted to."
"Me? I don't need that stuff. Now why did you think you did?"
"I don't know. I guess everything hit me all at once. Thankfully I came to my senses in time."
"You're right. Do you want me to call your counselor and set up an appointment?"
"I already have one she's keeping very close tabs on me."
"Good, but that doesn't help you right now."
Nancy looks at her watch. "The appointment is in 30 minutes."
"I'll drive you."
"Thanks, and you might want to bring your own magazines unless you like reading about the past."
"Huh?"
"The magazines in the waiting room are very outdated."
"I'll go get a script."
After Joannie gets what she needs they leave for the appointment.
"What made you pour the drink in the first place?" The counselor asks.
"I don't know, everything just got to me and crying wasn't helping."
"And you think alcohol would?"
She shakes her head.
"And what happens if it hits you all at once again?"
"I don't know. Aren't you supposed to have all the answers? You're always asking me questions or answering my questions with questions. What's the point of these sessions?"
"The point is to get you through this. If something like this had happened to me I sure wouldn't want to go through it without any support."
"Yeah well I didn't happen to you it happened to me!! And there's no way you or anyone else can know what it's like to go through what Rick did to me!!" She continues to spout off angrily revealing every detail.
When she's finally done the counselor speaks again.
"Do you feel better?"
Nancy sighs feeling like a heavy weight has been lifted from her shoulders. "Yes I do, I think." She starts crying. The counselor hands her a tissue. After the session is over. She meets Joannie in the hallway hoping no one heard her shouting. "You ready to go?"
"Yeah. You OK?" Joannie asks, having heard the screaming.
"No, but I'll get to ok eventually, right?"
"You will, you know. You're tough. You're a Bradford."
"And the world is no match for a Bradford."
"Right on."
She manages a smile. "Hey are you hungry?"
"Always."
"Pizza place or grease pit?"
"Grease pit? Do I look like Dad?"
"Hmm," Nancy thinks it over. "Hmm." She teases.
Joannie swats her.
"Ok ok, you don't look like Dad." She concedes. "Pizza place then?"
"Pizza it is."
They go out for pizza and Nancy eats till she's truly full.
Joannie watches her and smiles.
Afterwards, "I can't remember when was the last time I did that."
"We had pizza when you were over two weeks ago."
"Oh yeah I remember that night. The night of the party."
"Too bad they came home early. We're going to have to try that again some time."
"That we are."
"When?" Joannie says, hatching a plan.
"I don't know, do they have plans to go out of town any time soon?" She asks hoping that the answer is no. ~I'm not ready for a party yet, but I don't want to disappoint Joannie.~
"Well, they did," Joannie says, not thinking before she speaks, "but now..."
"Now what? They're not going because of what happened?"
"Guess they changed their minds. I mean, after the party and all," Joannie tries to make a quick recovery.
Nancy believes her. "Oh all right."
"See, we just have to work hard, earn back their trust, and then it's party time. Of course, it might take a few months..."
"Works for me."
"You're so easy."
"No I'm not I'm difficult." She teases.
"Only our brothers say that."
"Ouch."
"I thought that's what they say when you beat 'em up."
She laughs. "Maybe we should be getting back."
"I don't know. I heard Dad planning to help prepare dinner."
"On second thought, we've been home too much lately."
"You're right. Let's call and tell them there will be two less for dinner."
"Ok," they call home and wait for someone to answer.
"Hello." Liz says.
"Hi it's me. Joannie and I won't be home for dinner." Nancy says.
"Oh OK."
"Something wrong?"
"No, why?"
"Just checking."
"Want to talk to dad or Abby?"
"Sure."
Liz looks. "Abby? Nancy's on the phone."
"Thanks." Abby takes the phone. "Hey, Nancy."
"Hey Abby, Joannie and I won't be home for dinner."
"But your father's cooking. On second thought..."
"Do you want us to come get you?"
"No, I'd better stay. But you can stop by the hospital and bring the stomach pump home with you."
"Consider it done."
"Thanks. Have a good time, and don't break curfew, OK?"
"You're welcome, we won't, see you when we get home Abby."
"See you, then." After she hangs up, Abby goes into the kitchen, looking for Tom.
"Hello," he says.
"Hi, there," Abby says, dropping into Tom's lap. "Boy, we ever want to clear out the house, just tell people you're cooking."
"Huh?"
"Nancy and Joannie won't be home for dinner."
"But I made stew."
"And they made tracks. But that's OK. at least I still love you."
Tom pouts.
Abby tries to kiss the pout away.
Tom starts to lighten up.
"Just think, if you could chase the rest of the kids out of the house, too..."
"Maybe I should cook everyday."
"Hey, I don't need to go on a diet that badly," Abby says.
"That's not funny."
"I thought it was," Abby apologizes and gives him a kiss.
Tom kisses her back. "This is nice."
"There's more where this came from."
"How much more?"
"How much more do you want?"
Tom smiles and then hears a crash outside. "What in the world?"
Abby briefly buries her head against Tom's shoulder and then stands.
Nicholas comes in with broken glass. "Sorry Dad."
"Nicholas what happened?" Tom asks.
"I threw the ball too hard and it broke your study window,"
Tom cringes.
"Looks like it's time to call in David," Abby says. "Cheer up, Tom--at least he'll eat your stew."
Tom shakes his head. "I'll go get the broom."
"I'll get some cardboard to keep the flies out."
Tom eyes Nicholas as he gets the broom.
"Go easy on him," Abby whispers as she passes Tom.
"You always say that." he whispers back.
"And I'm always right."
Tom winks at her.
Abby smiles at him. ~I'll show you who's boss later, mister. And you'll love every second of it.~
Tom sweeps up the broken glass.
When he's done, Abby tapes the cardboard in place.
"I hope David can get this fixed quick."
"If he doesn't have a date I'm sure he will," Abby assures him.
"My stew should be ready."
"I'll go get the antacid."
"That's a nice way to start dinner."
"If you think I'm starting dinner well, wait till you see how I end it."
"Why do I even bother." he says.
"Talk to me after dinner," Abby whispers in his ear, "and I'll remind you."
Tom grins.
Abby shakes her head and laughs.
"Where to now?" Nancy asks Joannie after hanging up with Abby.
"Shopping?"
"Ok, is anyone's birthday coming up?"
"In this family? It always is."
"Yeah," they go shopping.
After she sets the table for dinner, Abby goes to call Nicholas down.
Nicholas comes down slowly.
"Oh, come on, Nicholas, what's the worst he can do to you?"
"Kill me." he says.
"He wouldn't do that. I mean, where would he hide the body?"
Nicholas pauses for a moment and starts giggling.
"Come on. If he starts up with you I'll protect you."
"Thanks, Abby."
"All you did is break a window. Every kid does that."
"Did you?"
"In my father's study," Abby admits. "And my parent's bedroom, and I almost got the living room window. Missed it by a whole inch."
"Wow"
"My father said it was because I threw like a girl. So I threw the way he wanted me to and broke the car windshield."
Nicholas laughs. "Grandpa Harry must have been mad."
"According to your father, he still is."
"Wow."
"But this is our secret, OK? Otherwise Dad will say I'm encouraging you."
"Ok, I really didn't mean to."
"I know. But if you like, when David comes by to fix it, it'd be nice if you helped."
"I will."
"OK, then. Let's go see if we can survive dinner."
"There's always Peanut Butter."
"I heard that." Tom says.
"We meant you to," Abby bluffs.
"Let's eat." Tom says.
They go to the dinner table and Tom eagerly digs in and then makes
a face.
Abby coughs to cover her laugh and puts down the fork she was about to taste from. "That bad?"
"Somebody call for pizza." he says disappointedly.
"You tried your best," Abby consoles him.
"I was really looking forward to it."
"The stew or proving you can cook?"
"Both." he says.
"Well, I don't know about the stew, but I still think you can cook."
Tom face turns red. "Abby...."
"Yes, dear?" Abby smiles at him.
"Let's discuss this later please."
"Yes, dear."
"Long time no see." Nancy says as Susan walks in.
"It hasn't been that long" Susan says.
"It seems like it how have you been?"
"I'm alright. How are you though?"
"I'm starting to get better."
"That's good. You've sure been through a lot lately."
"Yeah maybe fate will leave me alone for now on."
"I hope so."
"That makes two of us."
The next day Dr. Maxwell drops by again and runs into Nancy.
"Nancy, can we talk?"
She hesitates and fidgets a little but finally says. "Ok."
"Look, I just wanted to say--it was a bad call on my part. I was trying to protect you, but I went about it all the wrong way."
"Why didn't you tell us in the beginning?"
"You mean when it first happened?" Max stalls.
"Yes when it first happened."
"You asked me not to, and you're over 18. I couldn't tell, or I'd have violated doctor-patient confidentiality. And then, when I saw you'd blocked it, I just kept on not telling."
"Are you saying I knew at some point?" Nancy asks wondering why her mind didn't block it out seconds after it happened.
"For a short while, yes, a day or so. You must have blocked that, too."
"And you didn't want to remind me."
"I thought it would only hurt you. And it did, just not the way I thought it would."
"You had the best of intentions."
"I really did, Nancy. You have to believe me."
"Of course I believe you." She says. "I'm sorry I wouldn't talk to you the other day."
"That's OK. I don't know if I would have talked to me."
She gives him a hug and a little while later says. "My appetite is starting to come back."
"That's great. I'll bet your boss will be happy, too."
"Yeah," Nancy answers not even had thought about going back to work yet.
"Well, I have to get to the hospital for rounds. If you need anything, Nancy--anything--you just call me."
"I will and thanks Dr. Max."
"Thank you for forgiving me."
She smiles and gives him a hug.
A few days later. Nancy seeks Abby out and finds her in Tom and Abby's bedroom. "Are you busy?" She asks.
Abby closes the book she's working in. "No, not really." She pats the bed besides her. "What's up?"
She sits down beside her. "I don't think I know what to do with myself."
"For the next five minutes or the next five years?"
"For the Fall actually? I can't decide on if I want to continue modeling or not. I've been thinking of just going to school and quitting modeling."
"Why? You really enjoyed your work."
"Yeah but posing gives me too much time to think about other things. At least with studies I can focus my mind on other things."
"I'm never one to disagree with education, but you can't use school as an escape."
"It's not like it's a self destructive escape."
"No, but it won't get you anywhere if you're not into it, and it won't help you escape."
"But I'm thinking and working through what happened all the time, I need a break."
"Are you thinking of starting school again and then dropping your classes when you're more settled?"
"No I'm not. If I decide to do that I'm sticking with it."
"Well, then, I'm all in favor, and I'm sure your father will be, too."
She smiles. "Cool, so what are you working on?"
"Behavioral psych. I'm going to take it in the fall, and I'm told it's a killer class, so I figured I'd try to get ahead."
"If you need anyone to quiz you let me know."
"Thanks, but I'm really far from that stage yet."
"You're welcome."