The next morning Nancy finds her Dad in the study.
"Dad can I talk to you?"
"Of course."
She sits down. "It's about the scars."
"I know."
"You what?"
"I know about the scars."
"And you know that Rick put them there?"
Tom nods.
"Did Abby tell you already?"
"No, your therapist."
"Oh."
"I am sorry you had to go through this alone."
"I wanted to be independent I thought I could handle it alone with Noah helping me until everything fell apart." Her eyes well with tears.
Tom puts his hand on her shoulder. "I am just sorry that you felt you couldn't come to us."
"I didn't want to worry you guys but I guess I wound up doing that anyway."
"It's a parent's job to worry, you can't get away from it." he teases.
"I'll remember that now for on." She promises.
"Nancy, would you consider moving back home?"
"I thought I already did. Dad I can't be by myself right now, too much has happened."
"I know and I wish I could ease your pain."
"I know."
Tom hugs her.
She cries again.
"Nancy, is there anything I can do?" Tom asks.
"Yes, lie to me and say that everything is going to be ok."
"I don't have to lie, because it will be ok."
"I sure hope so."
"Trust your old man."
"Dad you're not old."
"Well, older than you."
"Yeah, I think I'm going to go lie down for awhile."
"Ok, you get some rest."
"Ok," she retreats to her bedroom and just lies there thinking about Noah. That's the way Elizabeth finds her several hours later.
"Hey." Liz says. "How are you feeling?"
"Pretty terrible how bout you?"
"OK, I guess." Liz says. "Want to talk about it?"
"Actually I'd like to forget, but that's no good. That's caused half my trouble. How's Noah's family?"
"I haven't been there."
"Oh, I'm afraid to go there."
"Want me to go with you?"
"It might get intense."
"Oh, then Dad and Abby should go then."
Nancy nods. "I'd like you to come with me but I don't want you to get upset."
"I won't get upset."
"Then yes I'd like it if you would go over there with me in a couple of days."
Liz nods.
Nancy's stomach growls.
"Hungry?"
"Yeah but I don't feel like eating."
"You have to eat Nancy." Liz says. ~making mental note to talk to Abby about Nancy's thinness.~
Nancy almost says emphatically 'no' but changes her mind when her stomach yells at her again. "Ok."
"I'll go make you a sandwich."
"Thank you."
Elizabeth goes downstairs to make the sandwich.
Nancy waits for her to return.
She soon returns with the sandwich and soda.
Nancy picks at it but eventually finishes both.
"Want another?"
"Maybe later."
"Ok, I'll let you rest."
"Thank you." She nods off for awhile.
Elizabeth quietly leaves the room with the empty plate.
A couple of days later Nancy's counselor comes over to the house and knocks on the door.
Joannie answers the door. "Oh, it's you."
"You don't sound very happy about that."
"Where have you been the past two days?"
"I wanted to give Nancy a couple days before I stopped by."
"Well, she's needed you."
"Is she here?"
"She's upstairs. I'll see if she wants to see you." Joannie leaves the therapist standing in the hallway and goes upstairs to knock on Nancy's door.
"Come in." Nancy says.
Joannie goes in. "Guess who finally showed up."
"Now she shows up? Where was she two days ago?"
"That's what I told her, too."
"What did she say?"
"She didn't. Guess it wasn't any of my business. Maybe you should ask her."
She sighs. "Ok, but will you stick around the house in case I need to bail out of my conversation with her."
"No problem. I'll be in my room. With the door open."
"Thank you."
Joannie goes downstairs to tell the therapist Nancy will see her.
She thanks her and then goes upstairs to see Nancy.
"Where have you been?" Nancy demands. "I needed you these past couple of days."
"Nancy I'm sorry I thought you could use a couple of days with just your family." She explains.
"You were right but I still needed you."
"I'm sorry." She says. They talk a little while longer and then sensing Nancy has had enough the therapist leaves.
Nancy goes to see Joannie. "Can we get out of here for awhile? It doesn't matter where just as long as it's outside."
"Sure. Sam needs a walk, anyway."
"Cool," She gets Sam ready and then they leave. "So you married yet?"
"Sam or me?"
"You, Sam's too young, he's still a puppy."
"Hey, so am I."
"That's right you are. Sometimes I forget you're only two years older than me."
"Hmph. Don't you forget it again."
She laughs but soon stops herself. ~Why am I laughing? Noah is gone.~
"It's good to hear you laugh."
"Thanks, but I shouldn't be."
"Why not? Do you think Noah would be upset?"
She thinks it over. "No, he'd be upset if I stifled anything I was feeling."
"Then laugh. It doesn't get funnier than the Queen of Comedy over here."
Nancy laughs. "What would I do without you?"
"Hire a three ring circus?" Joannie guesses.
"Wouldn't be good enough."
"We could probably get you an extra ring or two."
"No way sis, you can't be replaced."
"Neither can you."
Nancy hugs her.
Meanwhile Greg comes to see Tom at the register.
Tom sees him in the doorway. "Greg."
"Tom we need to talk."
Tom sighs. "Yes, I guess we do."
"I'm sorry."
Tom gets up and shuts the door so they can speak in private.
"Greg, I specifically asked you not too long ago if you knew where those scars came from and you lied to us, why?"
"Because at the time I figured if she couldn't remember why put her or the rest of you through it."
"But she was having nightmares, if we would have known maybe things wouldn't have gotten out of hand."
"Tom I know now that I made a bad call and I'm very sorry for it."
"So am I, I thought we could count on you."
"Tom you can still count on me. I was only trying to protect you."
"Protect me from what?"
"From knowing what he put her through."
Tom shakes his head.
Greg sighs. "I'm sorry." He says again.
Tom sighs. "How is your golf game?"
Greg is taken aback by this. "It's a little off lately."
"Mine too. Want to schedule a game?"
"Sure but does this mean we're ok again?"
Tom nods. "If not, who am I going to play with."
Greg smiles and pats him on the back.
"Greg, next time tell me the truth. OK?"
"You got it."
"I have to get back to work."
"Ok, I'll let you get back to work then. If you need anything don't hesitate to call."
"Yeah, Thanks."
Greg leaves.
When Nancy and Joannie get back from their walk. She decides to brave eating more than just a sandwich. She's making lunch when Abby walks in.
"Hi there. You're looking a little better."
"Hi, Joannie and Sam took me out to get some fresh air."
"Looks like it did you a world of good. Did it get you hungry?"
"Yes, I just hope I'll be able to finish all of it." She says. "How are you doing Abby?"
"Me?" Abby asks, startled. "I'm fine."
"Good," after she's done eating. "Elizabeth and I are going over there tomorrow. Will you come with us?"
"I was going to suggest we go. I know it won't be easy, but you really should, you know. For everyone's sake."
"I know, and I'm scared to go, but if I don't..."
"There's nothing to be scared about. They know how much you and Noah loved each other."
"And they also know that he died trying to protect me."
"They don't blame you."
"I hope you're right."
"Trust me, Nancy. They don't."
"She's right they don't. They blame Rick." Ellen says as she walks in.
"That is where the blame belongs," Abby agrees.
Nancy ponders their words and comes to the conclusion that they're right.
"I hope you don't mind. Tommy let me in." She says to them.
"Of course not," Abby says, heading towards the door. "I think I'll let the two of you talk."
"Ok, but can we talk more later?" Nancy says before she leaves.
"Any time you want to. I'll be upstairs."
"Thank you."
After Abby leaves the room.
"How are you?" Nancy asks.
"Not too good but I'll make it. How bout you?"
"The verdict is still out, the minute I think I'm fine I realize I'm not."
"I know I've been there." There's a short silence. "They really want to see you."
"I'll go over tomorrow. How are they?"
"Not good, Holly still doesn't understand and is wondering when Noah is going to come home. And his parents..."
Nancy sighs. "Oh man."
~Nice going Ellen, depress her more.~ "I'm sorry you have enough to deal with. I should've lied."
"No it's ok."
They talk a little while longer and then Ellen goes home.
Nancy spends some time alone before going upstairs she finds Abby going
through some papers and tells her what Ellen had told her.
"I told you they'd want to see you. You're like a piece of Noah that's still alive, see. And as for Holly, well, that's the way kids are. Remember how Nicholas thought your mother would still come home? And I remember..."
"What do you remember?"
"Frank had this nephew, Jeremy. He was only a little kid--he's between Tommy and Nicholas's ages--and every time I saw him he'd ask when Uncle Frank was coming home and what he was going to bring back from the war."
"Did he ever grasp it?"
"Oh, sure, eventually. I think. He said so, at least."
"Poor kids." She's hit by the grief again.
"Nancy," Abby says, taking her step-daughter by the shoulders. "Yes, poor kids, but there's nothing we can do about it but keep moving forward."
"Yeah," she starts crying again. "Abby I miss him so much."
"I know, Nancy. Believe me, I know. And I also know that you will keep on with your life and even find someone new, one day. And I know that you probably won't believe me and don't even want to hear that, but it's true. Trust me."
"He'd want that but not right now, probably not for a long time."
"I know about that, too. Sometimes it takes a really long time."
"What I'm going through it's bringing back some bad memories for you isn't it?"
"That's OK. Whether they're at the surface or deep down, your memories are always a part of you."
"That's for sure."
Abby doesn't know what more to say, so she just hugs Nancy.
Nancy hugs her back.
After she gets ready for bed, Abby sits, waiting for Tom, not really reading the book in her lap.
Tom comes in and collapses on the bed.
"That bad?" Abby asks sympathetically.
"Yeah, it isn't easy writing these days."
"I'd think you'd have plenty to write about now."
"I do but I don't want to get Nancy involved."
"True. You could write about yourself."
"I wouldn't know where to begin."
"With what you're feeling."
"I suppose." Tom says. "How are you doing?"
"OK," Abby says automatically. "Not so OK," she finally admits.
"Want to tell me about it?"
"What Nancy's going through--it's just bringing back the past. I just hope Noah's family doesn't try to lean on Nancy too much."
"Oh? Speaking from experience?"
Abby nods. "When Frank shipped out I moved out of Camp Pendleton--there
is nothing more depressing than a base when your soldier's not around--and
got a job up here. Then when Frank died--well, my parents wanted me to
move home and his father wanted me to move in with him. I was 21 years
old and every one was treating me like The Widow Abbott, and all I wanted
was some time to mourn on my own, but I had to spend all my time being
who everyone else
needed me to be."
"Yeah, I remember." Tom thinking about his days as a widower.
"You certainly would. I don't know how you stayed sane, keeping it together for the kids."
"I didn't have a choice."
"Don't knock no choice. It's a lot harder getting on your feet when you can really indulge in grief."
"And now Nancy has to go through it."
"It'll be different for Nancy," Abby says. "You had 25 years of memories and this house and the kids. All Nancy had was a few months, and once she officially gives up the penthouse, all she'll have left are a few photos."
"Still, it'll be hard for her."
"What I meant to say is that in some ways it'll be harder for her. People
will tell her that she's young and she'll get over it and they'll try to
force her back into the stream of things before they know she's ready.
Or they'll try to hold her back, thinking she isn't ready though she is,"
Abby
says, expressing her fears of what she herself might do.
"But how else do we help her?"
Abby shrugs. "I don't know. Just be here for her, I guess."
"I just feel helpless."
"I know," Abby says, putting her arms around him. "But it really will make a difference if you're there for her. Trust me."
"I am glad I have you."
"You know what needs to be done as much as I do," Abby scoffs.
"But it helps to hear it out loud." he tells her.
"Then I'm glad I could help."
"Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Hold me?"
"With pleasure." Tom says as he wraps his arms around her.
Abby buries her face against Tom's shoulder, seeking comfort.
He gently squeezes her.
After a while Abby asks, "Hey, is there anything I can do for you?"
"You are doing it, by laying here with me."
"You know, that could be taken more than one way," Abby smiles.
Tom chuckles.
"It's good to hear you laugh."
"It has been awhile."
"I was afraid I was going to have to tickle you to get a smile out of you. Or do something really drastic."
"What's worse than tickling?"
"Asking your sister to come visit. And there's worse yet."
"Never mind." he says.
"What? You don't want to know all my secret weapons?"
"I am afraid to ask."
"That's probably wise."
"Does it involve thumb screws?" he jokes.
"Oh, I think you'd prefer thumb screws."
"Ouch."
"Oh, don't worry, you'd survive. I've gotten used to having you in my bed."
"That's good to hear."
Abby gives him a kiss.
"We need to get away."
"You think we can leave Nancy?"
"No not yet, I am sorry."
Abby snuggles into him. "That's OK. But one day the kids will all be grown and out of the house and then you and I can--well, then you and I won't have to go anywhere, will we, to be alone?"
"I hope it won't be that long."
"With this family? There's always some crisis in the Bradford household."
"We can't give up hope."
"What? You mean you've never seen the banner Joannie put up over your study door? 'Abandon hope, all ye who enter here'."
"She's exaggerating."
"Maybe. I see you coming home in the evening and I start to get all hopeful, I have to admit."
"Gee, I hope so."
Abby laughs.
"Now its good to hear you laugh."
"Only for you."
"There's nothing we can do except be there for her."
"I know, but it's just so...I guess if I think it's hard, it must be twice as bad for you."
Tom squeezes her hand. "It is not a contest, you know."
"I know. I just wish--if I can't do anything to make it better for Nancy, I wish I could at least do something to make it better for you."
"You are doing it." he says.
Abby gives him a kiss.
"We will get through this." Tom says trying to convince her and himself.
"We will," Abby agrees.