�A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.� -Herm Albright
�A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.� -Wystan Hugh Auden
�All great truths begin as blasphemies.� -George Bernard Shaw
Back off! You're standing in my aura.
�Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.� -Joan Rivers
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Death and taxes may be certain, but we don't have to die every year.
�Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense.� -Chapman Cohen
�I believe in God, only I spell it Nature.� -Frank Lloyd Wright
I have nothing against God; it's his fan club I can't stand.
�I intend to live forever. So far, so good.� -Steven Wright
I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.
�I never comment upon referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.� -Ron Atkinson
�I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.� -Oscar Wilde
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
�I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said �I don't know.� � -Mark Twain
If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.
�In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.� -Emo Philips
�It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.� -H. L. Mencken
It's a shame stupidity isn't painful.
It's been Monday all week today.
�I've got a lot of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.� -George Carlin
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
�Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.� -Matt Groening
Love is blind but life is just too freaked out to see straight.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
�Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.� -Oscar Wilde
�Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.� �Jack Handy
�The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.� �Albert Einstein
�The basis of optimism is sheer terror.� -Oscar Wilde
There is intelligent life on Earth, but I'm just visiting.
�There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.� -Quentin Crisp
Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
�To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.� -Oscar Wilde
�True friends stab you in the front.� -Oscar Wilde
�Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.� -Albert Einstein
Also, some new additions that I enjoy (if you're nice to me, maybe I'll even put up your favourites...):
�Love is like a snowmobile racing across the tundra, suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night the ice weasels come.� -Matt Groening
�No matter where you go, there you are.� -Buckaroo Banzai
We come into this world naked, screaming and covered in blood, but if we live our lives right that sort of thing doesn't have to end there.
Thanx for these Steve ;D
-carina
