Apparently, nothing does. Nick's world has been on shaky ground for a while now: Burton wants him to toe the line. Alvin's been crossing the line. Lulu's drawing lines in the sand. Bart is gone for good. But one thing Nick was always sure of – inheriting his daddy's firm one day. So, aliens or no, Lichtman and Caldwell's appearance is setting Nick's mouth in a hard line of suspicion, and nothing – not a humungous pile of discarded coke (yes, coke!) at Angels Landing, not even the prospect of working with a real live walking talking actual factual alien being – can restore his good mood.

Now, I'm not saying I have anything against aliens. As long as they keep their tentacles to themselves and don't try and take over the world or anything, I'm as happy as the next Earthling to let them share my planet. And Lichtman does a fine impression of Homo sapiens (although his arrogance is somehow not half as sexy as Nick's) – in fact, if it wasn't for that look in his eye and the spacey music cues, I might never have guessed the truth. But you can't deny the evidence. Before Caldwell lost the election that would have eventually placed him in the White House, Lichtman's plan was, in fact, to take over the world by pulling President Caldwell's strings. (I read this on The Internet so I know it's true.) It would seem Nick has every reason to glare and waggle his finger and walk out. And walk out. And walk out.

I suspect Lichtman was hoping for an ally in Nick, having heard rumours about his dubious moral fibre and lust for power, and had great plans to recruit him for evil. But Lichtman makes a crucial tactical error by following Nick into his office. No one goes in there (except the guy who comes to water the plant), and a blossoming friendship is thereby doused in glyphosate. Caldwell goes ahead with building a Chinese wall, per Nick's suggestion, but puts the onus on Nick to keep the Angel's Landing deal quiet when really all he has to do is keep his own mouth shut. In the end, Lichtman's the one with the loose lips when he miscalculates Nick's potential for corruptibility, and another client is lost down the plughole like a favourite sock in the wash.

Let's talk about Lulu. I have no objection to the way she's been handling her personal trials and tribulations – she makes Nick suffer, after all, which always gives me a little thrill. But it can no longer be denied that professionally, she's yet to find her niche in the Law. Lulu is what we in Australia would call a Clayton's lawyer (“the lawyer you have when you're not having a lawyer”). She can't negotiate a settlement and she can't do easements, so she sure as hell can't file a lawsuit without assistance. Poor Nick doesn't know whether he's coming or going with this woman, though that's not reason enough to stop him obediently trotting down the stairs in the hope of being invited to another bachelorette party. His subsequent disappointment is palpable, but he agrees to take her on as his pro bono case of the week and immediately heads out with her to visit Nana Rose, even though he's supposed to be busy until four.

Nana Rose, a frail elderly woman with a broken leg, is not someone to be underestimated. She was once involved in an underworld gambling and pornography ring with Marianne and some men downtown, and is currently plotting the murder of Alice. Nick builds a Chinese wall of his own when she starts on about Darren. His failure to disclose her lack of moral fibre to Lulu may be the result of something as mundane as attorney–client privilege or an aversion to gossip, but I'd rather assume he's protecting Lulu's feelings – even though she no longer comes undone when he bats his eyelashes. (Incidentally, since she's a woman with not only a pulse but five fully-functional senses, all of which have now experienced this man, her dismissive behaviour possibly suggests the onset of a serious underlying psychological condition.)

Rose has a pulse, too, and encourages Nick to feel it. She also thinks he smells good (so now we know). I admit I'm unsure how a woman named Rose Valent would ever cross paths with a man named Darren. Why not Eduardo or Vincent? I mean, no one has a lover called Darren, for heaven's sake, just like no one has a lover called Bazza or Dick or Wilbur. Nick plays along in the hope that Lulu will eventually notice the parallel plot points, but as we know, she's going to marry Brian and live in that house and work part-time and learn to love classical music if it kills her, and that's what she's going to do with her life. One little kiss (well, okay, two little kisses and then another bigger one with heavy breathing and wandering hands and hair-sniffing) and two days of Nick's kindness aren't going to change her mind about that, not now she's cleared out the squatters and spent $400 on brand new knobs.

Nick has three small victories this week. Firstly, he gets himself some business cards. I've been waiting a long time for that. Then Lichtman gets booted back to the mothership faster than a Burger King employee who forgets to suggest-sell, and Nick can't wipe the grin off his face. Finally, he takes great delight in telling Jake where to shove his collaborative deal and wins back Meyers (though Meyers may not want him back, unless he's finally figured out that Nick actually got him a free jet plane a few days ago).

Burton takes the shine off his week by pulling the rug out from under him, causing Nick to scare himself silly again by shouting at his dad, pounding on the table and walking out like he really, really means it this time. I sense foreshadowing. I sense disaster on the horizon. Oh, I do hope it doesn't all end in tears…

Back to episode list

* Agrees to help Lulu, presumably for free.

* Plays along with Rose after she mistakes him for her love.

* Stays with Rose when she asks him to.

* Asks to be taken off the Van Gergen deal, as per Caldwell's ground rules.

• Burton doesn't dial his own extensions.
• Jake's a big suck-up.
• If you visit Fallin & Associates you will be offered bottled water or espresso while you wait.
• Lulu's mother, Caroline, has run off to Vermont with Glenn.
• Mitchell Lichtman graduated from Yale in 1993.
• There's something in the upstairs closet with the toilet paper and the toothpaste...

Click here for the timeline of this episode.
Click here for the transcript of this episode.