Nick claims never to have missed a meeting in eight months. Both he and Phil seem to have forgotten the week he spent earning all those Naughty Nick stars in Causality, because from what I saw, three rounds of group therapy was the last thing on Nick's mind at the time. Alvin thinks he can help by offering to become Nick's new sponsor. Nick laughs derisively and walks out again. And can I just say, this is a bad idea. A very bad idea. Firstly, Alvin is not exactly clean and sober himself. Secondly, he's Nick's boss and self-professed "warden", and that's a conflict of interest. Thirdly, he's probably going to leave Legal Services soon because he's fed up with having nothing to do but say, "Your ten-thirty is in the meeting room," and that would leave Nick sponsorless. (Oh, good idea! Nick back on drugs. Angst. Pain. Suffering. I like it.)

Over at Legal Services, Nick decides to represent the older of two brothers who are being separated when the younger one is adopted, and all because "it isn't fair" - the catch-cry of the petulant. And not content with petulance, Nick has now worked his way up to insolence. At first he's a little wary around Lulu because of the dead flowers thing, but he perks up as soon as he realises they have a professional disagreement brewing. Nick may fantasise about raising her passions by putting his finger in her dimple, or whatever, but that's not possible because of Wonderful Brian. Almost as exciting, however, is the chance to rile up her passions in court, and Nick is not going to blow the opportunity. For good measure, he pisses her off with an interrogation about her wedding just to remind her of the charm and wit she is passing up in order to be a housewife in Westchester with a man who, even now, is sucking on the toes of a prostitute (I have uncanny prescience).

Jake has problems of his own this week. His dad is hooked on T.J. Hooker. Mr Straka has made a website with screencaps and everything. Mrs Straka is beside herself with worry. They need $62,000 to fix the problem. For some reason, Jake can only get a loan for $15,000 - quite possibly the most unbelievable thing that has ever happened on The Guardian, unless Jake has a drug habit of his own that he hasn't told us about - so he asks Burton for an advance on his salary. Burton says no, Jake does something really naughty, and then Burton says yes. As a result of this, Jake can no longer work on mergers and acquisitions. "Forever," insists Burton, and then worries about the continuity error that will occur when, halfway through season two, Jake is required for plotting purposes to do a merger deal, so he adds a disclaimer: "At least for now." This is really bad news for Nick, because Nick hates mergers and acquisitions almost as much as he pretends to hate classical music, and now he'll have to do Jake's share on top of his own.

So back to Nick, who is busy being adorably sweet to his clients and their mother Martha, while giving Lulu the evil eye and claiming it's not personal. I think we're given enough clues in this episode to assume that it is personal. Legal Services used to represent the child's wishes, but now it represents the best interests of the child, which have already been established in the case of brothers Justin and Matthew. Nick is under no obligation to represent Justin, and even though his reasons are valid in one respect - I'm sure he sympathises with any young man who has trouble editing himself - the fact remains that he relishes the chance to oppose Lulu. He even wears a red tie for the occasion and quite frankly, if I were Judge Damsen, I'd give the man whatever the hell he wanted regardless of whose interests were best served. But I'm not, and probably for good reason. Judge Damsen tells Nick that no matter how fine a figure he cuts, he has no standing (excuse me?!) and she grants the adoption. Nick ups the ante. Lulu gets mad and they have a little fight. Nick now denies all knowledge of being offensive at the Incline, despite his recent apology for being offensive at the Incline, and just by answering Lulu's otherwise irrelevant question about why he's concerned with her life is an admission that this case is, indeed, personal. A couple of well-timed elevator doors allow him to have the last word as he walks out (or in fact goes down) - third time and counting.

Spurred on by this small victory, Nick goes in for the kill. The courtroom is the one place that he actually has room to move around a bit, but I have to admit he looks sexy as hell just sitting there flipping the page to paragraph four with a look of combined derision and confident indifference. Now that's what I call contempt of court. Nick puts forward his brilliant case, which includes testing Martha on whether she knows the meaning of two little words. Young Matthew is itching to put up his hand - this kid has an IQ of 147 and voluntarily studies math, so I'm betting he knows the etymology of decree and can conjugate revoke in Latin. However, this does not become necessary. Judge Damsen changes her mind and vacates the adoption. Nick smirks at Lulu, who keeps forgetting that after the gavel is banged she has no standing either, and he walks out. (That's four.)

In the judge's chambers, Justin encourages Matthew to reveal that he does want to be adopted after all, and go with Mrs Diamond and her husband, who has Mute Radiologist Syndrome, to Chicago - a big city, last I heard, but one which apparently has no group shelters for teenagers from Pittsburgh whose brothers live nearby. Nick tries to walk out for the fifth time, but no luck: Judge Damsen decides it's time to bring him down. She calls him an arrogant ass and accuses him of vilifying two very good women and humiliating a colleague. Hey, did she watch the same show as me? Which very good women? What humiliation? All he did was represent the brothers' wishes, as they were represented to him, and with Alvin's blessing. There's also the small matter of Martha's signature on the form she never read, and which, according to Judge Damsen's ruling, was obtained through misrepresentation. I hope Martha sues someone. I'm sure Nick would help her with the big words.

Nick and Lulu have been divided, as per the episode title, but there is a reconciliation of sorts. When Nick tells Lulu he's happy for her, she chooses to believe her ears and not her eyes - or his, which have never looked so forlorn. But something gets through, because for the first time it's Lulu who nervously retreats via the nearest exit route, babbling nonsense about being professional (which would, of course, be unnecessary unless there were unprofessional things going through her mind). This is surely the moment when she first realises that she actually rather fancies him, and it's an unnerving sensation. Nick has been suffering for weeks over Lulu. Now it's time for her to start suffering over him. A few weeks ago, young Dyshawn planted the seed when he led her to believe that Nick thought she was pretty. We could well credit the whole tragic mess to that little tyke, who inspired Lulu to take note of the way Nick was looking at her, and therefore plant the kiss on his cheek that gave him the sleepless night that led him to buy the ugly flowers, and so on and so forth.

But that seems unfair. I blame the mysterious and probably evil Ms Montgomery.

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* Gives Matthew a minute.

* Takes Justin's case.

* Tells Martha her Santas are nice.

* Shuts up when Judge says he has no standing.

* Follows Justin to the group shelter in his car and calms him down in the van.

* Tells Lulu he's happy for her.

• Jake went to Pitt. His dad worked two jobs to put him through law school.
• Jake's mom Maureen is 63.
• Jake's dad has run his shop for 35 years.
• A 12-year-old can stop his own adoption.
• Nick doesn't need anyone.

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