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2-03 The Dead
Written by David Hollander & Alfonso H. Moreno.
Directed by Jerry Levine.

Click here for Nickcaps.
Hot Stuff! NICK FIX 29% NWO 1
Quotable quote
We gotta get going... [Nick]
Quick and nasty
Nick is a sexual object – Lulu feels sick.
Review
This is going to be a quickie and I don't think I have to explain why. Not saying I didn't enjoy it, but this ain't GuardianSphere.

Last season one of the driving forces in the drama of Nick's life was the guilt heaped upon his immaculately clad shoulders. In this episode, it's made very clear that nothing is Nick's fault. The cemetery thing isn't Nick's fault because he's just the lawyer and it's going to happen anyway. Burton's resignation isn't Nick's fault because Burton says so. It's Kim's fault that Nick is starring in his very own porno movie and it's Kim's fault they missed the dinner reservation because she pinned him to her floral couch. He could even blame the imminent collapse of Fallin & Straka on his boys – ever since they got themselves a Gretchen they've been getting hyper on her espresso brew and are shooting hoops in the office when they're supposed to be ambulance chasing that other lucrative headline on the front page, "Coach guilty of sex with teens". (There has to be a B-plot in there somewhere.)

Nick is sticking to iced tea or something, and plenty of it, which until today was leaving him so relaxed that he cracked open a box of rainbow-coloured paperclips to assemble all his documents and ordered Tweetie Pie mouse mats for the office. Recently, he used his first ever smiley in an email. It's truly bad press.

Caldwell has trouble in his mind and offs himself round about here, with a cunning plan to send my mind spinning on a tangent as it analyses the possible significance of the Three Shiny Pens. I lost sleep over this. Sometimes a pen is just a pen.

Burton is throwing money at every good cause he can find, including Mary, who talks about angels and animal souls, god help us, but with whom he bonds because they bring out the southern accent in each other. Other than that he's going through something of a crisis, what with the FBI being all out of Jodi Fosters and Sandra Bullocks, and Lichtman going bug-eyed on him and his new Sheila being the crappest Sheila there ever was – she lets just anyone barge in unannounced without an appointment. It happens about six times! Over at C&A the indomitable Gretchen III, who signed up to do switchboard and offer refreshments, is now required to have a fullblown nervous breakdown onscreen.

To his credit, or perhaps not, Nick has streamlined his main act from 30 minutes down to 10. Now he wants to treat his leading lady like a real girlfriend and take her out so he can impress her with his European table manners. She has reservations about the reservation but eventually they do have a weird sort of a date thing happening – that only heats up once they get an audience, and Lulu desperately tries to delay the inevitable once she realises she's witnessing foreplay. I don't know what she's complaining about when she has Wonderful Brian to warm her bed. He's a great guy. She really loves him. She said so!

Nick's excellent memory and low-talking brilliance land him the chance to structure a deal with something let loose from the Munsters and, because he's Nick, he gets his own way and feels the heartache of it. Which gives us father and son on a wooden bench, hanging their heads in a show of solidarity, and I love it. I love this scene. Except that Nick is wearing that dreadful tie (Causality) and I'm forced to reach for the rose oil. So many issues left unexplored in this story... I'm wondering what Nick should be feeling about being the consolation prize, about being Jacob to the unborn firstborn. About never being at all. And has Burton ever brought that child to life in his mind? While I ponder, I also know: the Fallins just don't think about these things.

And I love Dry Rhonda, too. I love that a female without visible cleavage works at the firm, whatever the hell it's called, and has a speaking role and can make Jake splutter. One of these days, the newly reborn Fallin firm might actually open its doors to a female corporate client. And Nick might shave his locks into a mohawk. Stranger things have happened.

Back to episode list


***
* Ambulance-chases to get the Commissioner's account.

* Is over at Kim's having nickandkimsex during office hours after berating Jake and James for playing around instead of working.

* Hangs about the cemetery in his most expensive suit while the grieving relatives watch their loved ones being dug up. That's really naughty, Nick.


****
* Makes reservations at an allegedly "nice" place.

* Has his conscience pricked about causing problems for Burton by unearthing the past.

* Picks up the tab at the Incline.

* Asks Burton to work with him.

Things that make me go hmm...

Burton now comes from "Mt Aire" instead of Donora (Nick stated in Lolita? that the Fallins came from the Mon Valley, Donora).

Lichtman doesn't know how to use the Yellow Pages - he goes to Burton to find a lawyer. Is he perhaps hoping to be referred to Fallin & Straka?

Nick's 80-year-old neighbour had to go to work? This was not a poor man if he shared an apartment block with Nick. In telling this story, Nick reminds us that he knows how to resuscitate, which is something I'd rather not be reminded of because it makes me think of poor pulseless Mandy and poor motherless Shannon.

According to the timeline I worked out for this episode, Nick asks Burton to work with him on Burton's birthday.

Click here for the timeline of this episode.
Click here for the transcript of this episode.


KEY

Nick Fix Percentage of screentime allocated to Nick.

NWO (Nick Walks Out / Nick Walks Off) The number of times Nick leaves the room without first ending the conversation in a socially acceptable manner.

Hot Stuff! Indicates hot stuff (generally, Nick engaging in amorous activities or taking off his shirt).

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