Part 70
Jill came running through carring a knife screaming, "I'm ready to carve up those little Heath babies!" Back to silverchair stuff
"What Heath babies?" KelNino asked.
Jill stopped for a moment and explained, "Ah, ya know. All those women that Heath impregnated...yes well...I'm gonna go kill the damned babies. Maybe the women too, now that I think of it."
"Oh, okay. Catch ya later!" Kelly said and the pioneers waved as Jill wandered off to go murder helpless infants.
"Now to end this crazy sleepover!" dreamer exclaimed.
"Mmmmm, Heath babies...I *was* getting a little hungry," Angie said, her stomach growling.
"Uh...Angie?" Ada said, giving Angie a strange, confused look. Angie's eyes turned toxic green and began to glow. "Uh oh...I don't think this can be good."
"Daniel...?" dreamer asked.
"I'm not speaking to you! Or that little boy slut of yours either!" Daniel shrieked back.
"Well, could someone please ask Daniel what exactly went on at that slumber party and if he has any ideas as to what's happened to Angie?"
"Okay!" KelNino piped up. "Daniel, dreamer wants to know-"
"I heard what she said! I wonder if Angie's glowing eyes have anything to do with the cookies she had last night."
"Those weren't cookies! Those were the remote controls to the TV!" KelNino shouted. "I tried to stop her, but I guess the buttons must look like chocolate chips...I dunno."
"That's nasty!" dreamer stated.
"Yeah, it is!" the bathroom pioneers said in unison...then there was an awkward silence.
"So...what do we do about it?" dreamer asked.
"Stomach pump?" Daniel suggested.
"You can't pump out remote controls, dumbass." Junta snapped.
"We could pull them out..."
"I'm not sticking my hand in her mouth. Look at her. She looks like she's going to really hurt someone." Scars said as she backed away. "But I dare Daniel to do it."
"No way!" Daniel refused.
"Double dog dare!" Scars added.
"I can't..." Daniel whined.
"It's a double dog dare, Daniel," KelNino reminded him. "You can't back down from a double dog dare."
"Aw! I don't wanna..."
The pioneers had a simple solution - they chanted "Pansy Face" at him until he gave in. Daniel put on rubber gloves, reached into the maniac's mouth, and pulled out two remote controls, some assorted change, a blob of candle wax, and...Sweep's Naugahyde leash?!
"How'd *that* get there?" he wondered out loud.
"Beats me," dreamer said. "But I bet it's why she's acting so weird. Naugahyde is weird stuff. The chemicals she ingested from it must have gone straight to her brain."
"So what do we do?" Junta asked.
"Give her lots of water, keep her restrained, and wait. It'll wear off in a couple of hours. After that we really need to get back to Manhattan!"
A few minutes after being tied up, Angie stopped struggling and dozed off. Shw awoke to find the pioneers passing the time in their apartment with a game of strip poker. Of course, Daniel wasn't a very good player, so it ended with everyone fully clothed and Daniel shivering in the corner!
"Come on, can't I put something on?" he whimpered. "It's too cold in New York this time of year for this!"
"Daniel, for the love of rock, put some clothes on," Angie slurred as she sat up.
"Well, it looks like she's better," dreamer sighed with relief.
"Come on!" Daniel yelped. "Let me have *some*thing to wear..." Because the other pioneers were busy with Angie, no one paid attention to his pleas...with one exception.
Across the room, Robin looked at his shoes. Despite all that had happened that morning, he couldn't stand to see dear, sweet Daniel suffer. "Daniel?" he squeaked.
Daniel's head jerked up. "Rob?"
"Want my jacket?"
A look of relief came across Daniel's face. "Thank you."
"I don't suppose we could talk now..."
"Sure." They went into the other room. After an hour or so the bathroom pioneers realized that they hadn't returned.
"Hey, where'd Robin and Daniel go?" dreamer asked.
"I'm not sure," replied Kelnino, "but I think I saw them leave a while ago."
"Maybe we should go check on them," dreamer suggested.
A few of them went into the other room to see what they were up to. They walked in and couldn't find them anywhere.
"Uh...guys..." Melinda said walking back into the room. "Daniel and Robin are missing!"
"Missing?" Kelnino asked, slightly confused. "How could they be missing? There's no way out of that room, other than the door to where we are, and they are definitely not that clever."
"I'm going to have to agree with you there, Kel," dreamer replied, "They do not have the skills to find their way out from under an umbrella, let alone out of a closed room."
Melinda nodded in agreement, feeling very confusd by the whole ordeal. "Well, what are we supposed to do now? We can't just leave. Should we wait for them?"
"I don't see why not," Kearbear added.
"Stupid Kearbear!" Kelnino said, smacking her on the back of her head. "We should at least send someone out to find them!"
"Well, who?" Kearbear asked, rubbing her injured head very pitifully. "I certainly don't want to. Who's up for a game of strip Twister?"
"Kearbear, we already tried strip poker, and that worked out like a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest!" KelNino shook her head.
"Bummer," Kearbear replied.
"Well, we ought to try to find them anyway." Ada suggested, "dreamer, can't your magic purple platforms help us out here?"
"Oh...well..." dreamer stuttered. "I kinda sold them on ebay..."
"YOU WHAT?!" the pioneers shouted in unison.
"Well, you know. We'd gotten all famous from taking over TRL and stuff...and I needed some extra cash and all..." dreamer tried to explain herself.
"You've sold out on us, dreamer! Now what will we do...waaaah!" KelNino broke into tears.
"I guess we could go out to dinner..." Kearbear suggested.
"Um...sorry guys. I kinda haven't paid my credit card bills in a while..and uh...yeah, we don't have any cash." dreamer explained.
"Not true!" Kearbear held up a dollar bill and a few pennies. "Look, I have extra lunch money."
"Kearbear, you can't get anything for a buck these days." Junta stated.
"Not true again, Junta. You can talk up to 20 minutes for only 99 cents!" Kearbear shouted gleefully.
"And only ten cents a minute after that!" Ada grinned.
"Oh brother." dreamer put her head in her hands. "We are so screwed."
"Screwed? Why do you say that?" Kelnino said with a joyful look on her face.
"Because we have no money! What are we supposed to do?" dreamer raved, beginning to panic.
"Well, if we're going to be worried about anything, we should be worried about the fact that many people from our little group here have mysteriously disappeared, not only our little lovebirds," Kelnino pointed out.
"That's very true!" Kearbear agreed.
"Hmm, I wonder where everyone is? You have to admit that some people have gotten rather silent..." Ada mused.
"Oh! I know where everybody went!" Junta laughed as she jumped up. "They went to that nudey beach that we NEVER went to!"
"No...I don't think that's it. But I don't see why we couldn't check!" Kelnino said enthusiastically.
Soon the remaining pioneers were off to the nudey beach in an attempt to find their disappeared friends. "Sorry, guys," KelNino watched as everyone stripped off their clothes. "No nakedness for me. I have values, you know."
"Yeah, so does my toaster." Ben smirked as he flexed masculinely. "Hey dreamer, would you rub this tanning oil all over my hot, sweaty body?"
"Would I?!" dreamer grabbed the oil and started giving him a deep muscle massage as the pioneers looked on longingly.
"By the way, you left your huge platforms in my room last night," Ben told her. He and dreamer both blushed when they realized everyone had heard them.
"Whoopsie," she replied sheepishly. "Which pair?"
"The magic purple ones, of course. It's not like you wear the clogs anymore."
Everyone glared at dreamer. "You mean you didn't sell your shoes after all?"
"Wait a second...I sold the red ones! Dammit!" dreamer smacked her forehead, then wiped the oil off her face. "Well, let's find the boys first and then we'll see if my shoes can help us out."
They hadn't been walking for too long before they found...Layne Staley's white, stinky corpse!
"That's kinda gross..." Flash, who had wandered back in, poked the corpse with a stick.
"Don't do that, it's disrespectful!" dreamer slapped Flash's wrist. "Would you spit on Kurt Cobain's body?"
"I would..." someone muttered. They pioneers turned around and ALAS! Daniel had returned, with Robin trailing behind him. "Stupid stupidhead. Everyone always said I was trying to be the little bastard."
"Well...you were," KelNino considered. "But that's beside the point. That's Kurt Cobain. This is Layne Staley."
"Is there really a difference?" Daniel tossed his greasy mop of hair. "They were both angry, drug addict bas-"
"HERESY!" Junta screamed as she lunged at Daniel. Planning to inflict extreme pain upon the skinny frontman, Junta wielded her metal nail file like an ice pick...at least until Ben and Chris grabbed her and held her back. dreamer whipped out a thermos and poured some herbal tea down her throat. Within seconds Junta was sleeping soundly. A couple of hours later, everyone (Heath even tagged along for the ride) was back in the flat, getting ready to go to bed so they'd be awake in time to host Monday's TRL...