Part 69
"What?" Daniel asked, bewildered. Then the pioneers' intentions sank in. "Uh-uh, no way. I'm not gonna do it!" Back to silverchair stuff
"But you're the only person who can do it!" exclaimed Kelnino. "Scars, Angie, and Ada have been through enough, everyone knows who dreamer and I are, and if rockstar, Junta, or Jill have to listen to pop music their heads will explode."
"But they'll know who I am!"
"Not to worry," dreamer chuckled. "Remember, I'm a master of disguise." She reached for her makeup case. Daniel tried to make a run for it, but Chris and Heath held him down.
One hour and lots of struggling later, Daniel was shaved, tweezed, shampooed, styled, and made up. He looked beautiful! No one would have known he wasn't a girl...except for his clothes and voice.
"What are we going to do?" wailed Kelnino.
"Calm down, man," Angie calmly said. "I've got a way-cute outfit that'll work on him."
"And if you speak softly enough, Daniel, no one will notice you're a guy. If anyone asks, you've had a cold or something."
"I can't believe I let you guys do this to me," he grumbled as he slipped into Angie's sweater set and long skirt. When all was prepared, Daniel approached the front door and rang the bell.
"Oh crap!" Kelnino whispered as she looked on from behind a bush. "We forgot to remind Daniel not to pick at the wedgies he's going to get in that thong!"
"Oh, not to worry, mate!" Ben whispered back. "He wears thongs all the time. Quite used to them, actually." While the pioneers tried to stifle their giggling, a girl opened the door.
"Like, hey there! You must be, like, Stacey's friend!" She was just bursting at the seams with obnoxious zeal. Before Daniel could react, she grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him into the front foyer. Her never-ending stream of chatter faded away as she and Daniel went further into the house.
"Well, here's when we have to wait..." Junta laid back in her Hello Kitty lawn chair and started to count the stars. "1, 2, 3, 4...hey, look at that! A flying sea monkey!"
"Where?" Kelnino looked up.
"Ha! Gotcha!" Junta rolled over laughing while KelNino grumbled something about a violent revenge, possibly involving razors and rusty car parts. The pioneers waited another half hour before they started to get worried. dreamer crawled up to the lawn to check on Daniel. He was sitting amidst fluffy comforters, swapping hair secrets with the girls. "Yes! I've always wanted an Afro too!" Daniel squealed in response to one of the girl's comments.
The girl who answered the door nodded enthusiastically and said, "Oh yes! I almost forgot! I brought carrots for the facial mask we were going to do! Let's go!" At this, Daniel's face dropped. He realized that if he were to take off the make-up, his true gender (well, almost his true gender...more like this for-the-most-part gender) would be revealed. The bathroom pioneers, now sitting outside the window, also understood his plight, but when the girls got the makeup off they couldn't tell the difference anyways - Daniel was just too girly!
As the night wound down, Daniel knew the time to act would soon be upon him. Sure enough, the girls began to doze off, and he reached into his backpack (carefully disguised as a faux-fur bag)...removing a letter which smelt of rosy perfume and was written on pink paper. He sighed and re-read the letter. As he was finishing, Kelnino saw what he was doing and stole it off him and Jill, who had crashed the slumber party, wrestled with Kelnino and Daniel to get the letter and expose Daniel's lover Natalie for what she really is. Jill read the letter out loud:
Dear Daniel,
I ate a piece of steak Tuesday. I couldn't help myself, Daniel, it was just calling out my name profoundly. It told me that vegetables and fruits were Satan in disguise and after I realized the truth, I gave in for my Lord and gobbled down that piece of steak. I had no choice! I swear! I'm currently residing in a women's mental institution and am accused of being both instable and insane. Please get me out...if you do, I'll floss the meat between my teeth.
Love,
Natalie
Daniel cried for Natalie long into the night, yet deep in his heart he could not believe that Natalie had truly fallen into such a dark, musty abyss of evil. In his desperation, he called upon his former lover Robin, who held him passionately until the first rays of dawn spilled over the opaque morning mists.
"Wow, Robin and Daniel are really getting into it," Kel Nino stated as she took a pause in her typing. She stopped - and realized that she hadn't stopped typing at all...in fact, she was continuing to type as she thought. She grappled with her brain. "Must stop fingers!" she screamed, yet her fingers seemed only to follow the flow of her thoughts. She struggled with her inner self, attempting to halt her lighting-quick typing. She fought...and wrestled...until finally her mind collapsed in exhaustion and -
....
....
....
....
A few moments later, dreamer walked up and found Kelnino. She shook her head. "Dammit, she always finds a way to mess this up. Where were we...?"
"Daniel and Robin holding each other passionately after Natalie submitted to the steak!" Junta reminded her.
"Oh, right. Okay, back to the action!" dreamer deleted a few paragraphs, flicking her cursor here and there, until she was satisfied. "Okay, ready. Here it is..."
In his desperation, he called upon his former lover Robin, who held him passionately until the first rays of dawn spilled over the opaque morning mists...Daniel woke up to Robin stroking his face passionately, and somehow he knew things were all going to turn out for the best. Daniel wiped the sleep out of his eyes, looked up at Robin and said, "I love you."
"That's good," Robin responded absentmindedly.
"GOOD?!" Daniel jerked up. "What do you mean 'good'?"
"Uh...uh..." Robin stuttered.
"This is GREAT! Fabulous! EARTH-SHATTERING!" Daniel screamed in a mad rage.
Robin scrambled to his feet. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He cried, "I- I meant that it was wonderful!"
"Well! You're suppoed to say 'I love you' back, you bitch!" Daniel stormed off, leaving Robin with a broken heart.
It was finally morning. Sunlight was pouring through the windows and reflecting against the executive chair Daniel decided to cuddle on after last night's argument with Robin. He pulled himself off the couch as he swung his legs heavily towards the door, slightly twisting the knob until the door squeaked open. Daniel raised his eyebrow as he stared at what was presented before his eyes. He was enraged. He anxiously leaned towards two figures under the sheets thinking, "Maybe I'm being overly paranoid. Robin said 'sorry' last night, remember? He loves me, right?"
He quickly pulled the sheets off the entire mattress and let out a cry which awoke both Robin and his little visitor.
"Oh, you're sorry? It was wonderful? You passionately made love to me once, Robin, and you throw it all away for a one-night-stand...with her?!"
Robin held dreamer closer. "You never loved me, Daniel! You were too cruel with my heart!"
[Webmaster's Note: As usual, blame that darn Kelnino!]
"Why, you...!" Daniel screamed.
"I don't know what either of you are talking about...Robin just said he was afraid of the dark and - " dreamer tried to interject.
"You bitch, dreamer!" Daniel flew into a fit, throwing various objects across the room as he proclaimed his love for Robin.
"I don't believe you! I always knew you were against me, I always did!"
"Wait just a moment here! You're obviously making too many accusations and-" dreamer attempted to finish, but was interrupted again.
"Too many accusations!? Oh, please, dreamer. I saw the way you looked at Robin the other day!" Daniel screeched horrendously as he stomped around searching for other stuff to throw.
"Before you interrupted me, I was trying to tell you that you were making too many accusations about us. Robin missed you last night and needed someone to comfort him. He was crying..."
A loid noise cracked from outside the door...
"Danielle?? Where did you go? It's time for blueberry pancakes!" yelled the girls. Daniel got very skittish as he ran out of the office (which belonged to the girls' dad). Kearbear brushed past him and looked inquisitively at dreamer.
"Yes...just where the hell am I?" Kearbear asked with a look of confusion.
"Well - " dreamer began. "It's kind of a long story. Where have you been?"
"I really couldn't tell you. Well, actually, I could but I'm considering being a bum. Anyways, it all began when I was out at sea and the winds were raging and I could not find the shore and - "
dreamer interrupted Kearbear and said, "Okay, so where were you really?"
"Oh, why didn't you ask that in the first place? I was at a Cher concert."
"Cher?!"
"Oh my god!"
"What's happened to you?"
"What the hell? Are you crazy?!"
Kearbear just snickered at all the shouts.
"What? What's so funny? Do you think this is some kind of game?" dreamer asked.
"Wait, what are you talking about? What kind of game? I want to play a game...LET'S PLAY CHECKERS!" Kearbear yelled.
"No! I want to hear why you went to this - to this 'concert!'" dreamer said in a snappy tone.
"I didn't *really* go to a Cher concert. That would be just icky! I wanted to see your reactions, which were very amusing, mind you. In actuality, I went on a short vacation to Hell. You remember Hell, don't you? They've turned it into a very nice vacation spot. I had a lovely time. The only thing I could really complain about was the fact that they had no ice cream. You'd think that they would have some ice cream. If you're going to have an active tourist business, you're going to need some DAMN ICE CREAM!!!" Kearbear yelled, turning red with anger.
"Whoa...uh...calm yourself!" dreamer replied.
"Yeah, well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. What next?"
"Next we wait and see what to do about these girls who are trying to destroy us," Kelnino explained. "Daniel's infiltrated them."
"And once it's over, we go back to Manhattan and prepare for Monday's show," dreamer added.
Suddenly, several high-pitched shrieks and a few thuds came from the kitchen...