Part 50
Jill came out after a couple of minutes and said "Well, I've got good news and bad news...The good news is that I found out why KelNino has been acting so strangely. I think she just ate one too many packages of candy back at that gas station. The bad news is she's the reincarnated soul of Kurt Cobain." Back to silverchair stuff
"Well, we already knew that. Why is that bad?" Sky said.
"So I can't really make her better. That's just the way she acts, that's what her past life as Kurt Cobain has made her."
"So you can't do a damn thing?" Kearbear said.
"Nope," Jill answered.
"And you're still gunna charge us?" Nathaniel asked.
"Yep."
"LET'S GET HER!!!!!!!!" The bathroom pioneers charged after Jill and rammed her into a wall.
"Hey hey hey!! Stop!" she yelled as she attempted to release herself from the wall.
The pioneers thought this funny, Jill stuck in the wall like that. "Hey! She's probably got lots of bloody money!" Robin thought out loud. "Let's rob her!"
"No...no...wait!" Jill mumbled as the pioneers inched closer and closer.
The pioneers searched her and found butt loads of money, in almost every pocket. "Wow! What should we do with this money, guys?" KearBear asked, stunned to see so much cash.
"I don't know, but first I say we do something with this bitch," KelNino said, emerging from the room.
"And what would that be, KelNino?" KearBear asked.
A grin spread across KelNino's face, "First, lets take a picture of her and put it on uglypeople.com. They'll probably give us a cash bonus for submitting this pic...lol...anyways, then let's ram her out the window!!"
"Ram her out the window? KelNino!" dreamer said as she walked up to the imprinted Jill in the wall. "She used to be our, well, friend/acquaintance. Can we really do that to her?"
"HELL YAH!!!" KearBear and KelNino yelled at the same time as they pushed dreamer out of the way and grabbed at Jill to see if they could get her out of the wall. Junta, Flash, and Sky helped and in no time at all, they had her out of the wall and lying on the ground in front of the building. "He he he...that was fun!" KearBear said as she wiped off her hands.
"KearBear...have you been corrupted or something?" Ada asked as she stood by KearBear as the rest of the pioneers cleaned up the spot in the wall.
"I'm fine.. never been better. And I don't think I've been corrupted, but I think I may have hung out with KelNino too long...ahh. Oh well. Let's move on!" KearBear said as she took a step forward and accidentally walked off the edge of the building. "I'm okay...I'm okay. I am oookay."
The pioneers laughed and stared when suddenly they saw Jill get up and go over to KearBear and start to kick her.
"Oh no! What do we do?" Ada asked as she peered over the ledge.
Just then, Jill picked KearBear up and hailed a taxi. She threw KearBear in just as she got in herself.
"Nooooo!" KelNino screamed as she ran to the stairs. "She's my good twin!"
Well, the pioneers left the building and caught Jill rather easily (she got a crappy taxi driver). Robin took Jill by the ear and gave her a good slap, causing her to give out a shriek and run away down the lane.
"Well, that was a waste of time," KelNino whined. "Next time, if you think I've been possessed, why don't you spend some money on antacid pills for me, okay?"
"Jolly elfs, why didn't I think of that?" Daniel thought.
"Because antacid pills won't rid a body of a rock spirit and-"
"Shut up, Kearbear." dreamer waved her off. "Let's go save Sweep. We promised Daniel and all.."
"Oh! How could I forget?! My wife! The love of my life! My favorite little puppy-"
"Shut up, Daniel," dreamer interrupted. "Come on. We can find Sweep this time by actually *looking,* not sending Robin out to find stinky bananas."
Kearbear piped in, "Yeah, or hiring lousy exorcists who want to be paid even though they failed."
�But if we don�t find Sweep the new album will never be finished and silverchair will never continue, and the world as we know it will cease to exist and the aliens will take over the world with their poppy music. It makes me sick." Daniel said angrily and obviously hurt.
�Of course then Army of Prawns will rule the world with our hip hoppy, funky fusion of wicked beats and jazzy rock undertones," Heath stated rather bluntly and uncaringly to his older brother.
KelNino decided to let everyone know that they won�t find Sweep standing around. "Well, we are at a hospital, aren�t we? And hasn�t Ricky had major
cosmetic surgery? So what if we find out who the surgeon is and hold him for ransom until we get Muffins...urgh, Sweep back?"
"Sure, let's get going and get the little smelly mutt back. Before Daniel goes insane and starts singing Hanson, he�s prone to boppy tunes when he is distraught - you all remember the Christina Aguilera saga," declared Ben, giving Daniel a nudge.
As the group entered the lift dreamer noticed a list of what floor the cosmetic surgeons were on; level 5. "Oh gosh my mateys, I think I have found the hideout of the evil cosmetic surgeon!"
"How do you know the surgeon is evil? He just could be trying to make some legal money," Ada said, as they walked up to the nurses' station.
"Hey nurse!" Daniel yelled. The nurse replied and began to talk to Daniel in a strange dialect,
which could only be the talk of an insane talk-show host. "God, No! It's Bert Newton. Guys...guys, save me
from the evil talk-show host. You know he only speaks to washed up movie stars and musicians, we are running out of time, this must be the beginning of silverchair�s downfall!" Daniel wailed.
Just at that moment something snapped inside KelNino and she ran up to Bert and bit him on the leg, leaving Daniel free to find the most expensive surgeon in this damn city. They left KelNino (still attached to Bert and quivering like poison was in her veins) and headed through the bleach-scented hallways to the office of Kerry Packer; the multi-millionaire business man and
entrepreneur, come plastic surgeon.
"I see, Daniel, you have finally succumbed to my plots to let you see that surgery is your only way to truly becoming a successful pop star," Kerry said in an obnoxious tone.
"Then maybe you�ll stop trying to be my husband." A muffled voice came from under some bandages.
"What the hell! Oh it�s you again, look, Courtney, I�m not trying to be your husband, we have your husband with us," Daniel said, looking around
for KelNino.
Suddenly she appeared in the room, bewildered. "I heard someone mention my name. You...you, you evil bitch! You killed me and now I�ve come to get my revenge," she said in her most Kurt-sounding voice.
"You can�t be alive, and whose body are you in? Oh well it doesn�t matter as it will no longer be needed." Courtney leapt at KelNino and they wrestled until one of them grabbed the sharpest implement from the surgical tray. Then there was no movement from the two women.
�Ben, oh god, is she dead?� said Daniel kicking the two softly.
Unexpectedly, one of the women moved and started to talk. "Hey guys! Don�t worry I�m fine, I was only faking being Kurt then, I think Bert cured me. Who knew old bankrupt talk-show hosts could cure people?"
"Remind me to turn you in to the other hole.com members later," dreamer snarled at Kelnino.
"Kerry where�s Ricky? He has my dog."
"Ricky - he�s long gone and he won�t be easily found. Here�s a number of someone you can call," he said before leaving the room with a wicked laugh.
dreamer snatched the number off Daniel, handing it to Kearbear. "Recognise this number?"
"Oh no, we can't call this person, they surely won�t help us now...after what we did to them last time!" Kearbear says in a low whispery voice.
"It�s the only way. We have to get her back here now!"
So, they used Kearbear�s cell phone to call the number. And a long conversation took place before help was confirmed. Ten minutes later outside the hospital...
�This time you better not try anything stupid. I�m your only key to getting Sweep back and if you cooperate so will I,� Jill said sternly.
Daniel got into the front of Jill�s car and the others squished into the back. (Commodores have a lot of room but for 8 people it�s a squeeze and KelNino had to be squished into the trunk.) Heath noticed Daniel was acting weird - rocking back and forth singing softly to himself.
"S**t, guys, we have to hurry, I think Daniel is really losing it now, and I do sorta care for him - he *is* my brother," Heath groaned.
Within five minutes flat they arrived at Hartsfield International Airport. (*Hartsfield is in Atlanta, and it's one of America's 5 worst airports.)
"Dammit!" KelNino exclaimed as she read the old TV screens for their flight. "We're all the way down at the end of concourse E! It takes a half hour to get there, even with the train! Sheez!" She slapped her forehead in exasperation.
"And did you know that there are only 30 bathrooms in this whole place? 30! Can you believe that?" Kearbear ranted.
"Shut up, Kearbear, we've got stuff to deal with here..." Heath mumbled. He turned to look at a slutty girl's ass and whistled as she walked past in her tight red micro-miniskirt.
"Dream on, Heath." Kelnino rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, you an ugly boy!" Kearbear chimed in.
KelNino grabbed Heath by the shoulders and began singing "U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi! You ugly! You ug-lay!"
Kearbear chimed in with "M-A-M-A, How did you get that way! Yo Mama! Yo Mama!"
Heath shoved them off and stormed away, leaving the rest of the bathroom pioneers laughing hysterically. Daniel, in an attempt to comfort his disgruntled brother, called after him, "Heath, boy! You can come to a 'chair concert and I'll bring some girls backstage for you! I don't really like them anyway-"
Heath responded by turning around and flipping a middle finger in the air. The bathroom pioneers contined to their gate number, which was at the end of concourse E like KelNino has said, and boarded their flight. The long plane-ride took them to the distant city of San Juan, Puerto Rico.