Part 47

However, Robin was still standing there with the remote in his hands. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be transported to hell with the remote?" Kelnino asked Robin. Robin jammed his finger onto the red button again, and again even harder.

"Bloody hell! It doesn't work!" Robin threw the remote down.

"Well, throwing it isn't going to help." dreamer picked the remote and inspected it. "It appears that the power of the remote is inhibited by some force...lemme have a look at the wires. Ok, the transelectric wire is properly attached to the current spring...and the infrared bounce system seems to be intact. Hmm... there's nothing wrong with the cylinder connection wiring or the conduction apparatus...I can't figure out what's wrong with it!" She threw the remote down like Robin had.

"Oh, come on. It can't be THAT hard. It's a remote control for crying out loud..." Shayde snapped the back off the remote and pulled out the batteries. Out of her pocket she found a new set of alkalines and popped them into place. Shayde clipped the back and hit the power button, causing a green light to turn on at the top. "Ta-da! The wonders of human genius!" Shayde handed the remote back to dreamer, who was blushing excessively and muttering obscenities under her breath.

"Fine." dreamer turned her back on Shayde rudely. "No no one had better screw this thing up..."

"Can't we go now and save Daniel!?" Robin whined.

"Hold your damn horses!" dreamer pulled out the remote. "You guys ready to go and save Dan?"

"What horses do we have to hold on to?" �cars asked stupidly while putting on some shades.

"Shhh..." said junta, who was standing beside her. dreamer hit a button and the pioneers appeared at a concert.

"Oh bloody hell, not another concert! Where are we?!" yelled Robin.

"Dammit, stupid remote, it can't ever work right!" dreamer growled.

"Hey, I think we're in uhh, I don't know, but it looks familiar...ahh! Bonzai! Bonzai!" �cars screamed with joy and jumped into the crowd dragging junta along.

"Hey dammit, there goes my arm, Scars!"

"Uh oh, dammit, 2 mosh pits in one - watch out junta!"

The pioneers, especially KelNino, looked around wondering what "bonzai" was, and where they were, and why the hell did they appear at the place, and scars knowing about it. Suddenly they saw someone on stage they recognized. It was Daniel Johns strumming his guitar with two *new* bandmates; Christina Aguilera and Ricky Martin! The entire crowd began to fade the population of moshers and incoming, the fanatic fans of...pop.

"I love Christina. I %@&#ed her, it was great. Oh...no, help...please." Daniel sang, trying to keep track.

"Oh, no. Daniel's singing love songs..." �cars complained.

Junta walked towards the stage and looked closer at the band. "I wonder...what is your song about?" Junta pondered, reaching for Daniel's hand.

"Ummm, I wouldn't know. I didn't write it."

"Dan, where the #^%@ is your black nail polish!"

"Miss Christina made me change it to pink..." Daniel shoved his hands into his pockets and ducked his head in embarrassment.

"Well, we're here to save you!" Kelnino announced.

"Uh...that's jolly fine, but how in #%@$ing hell are you gonna do that with these on?" Daniel held up his wrists, held fast to the microphone stand by chains. "I tried escaping, but - "

"SING, my rocker slave!" Christina interrupted as she whipped him cruelly. She held a guitar and was attempting to play, only resulting in a mish-mosh of guitar noise.

Daniel winced and turned back to the mike, singing "I could love you all day...because, oh come on, Christina! (whip) Ouch! Because you and me are meant to...uh... (whip) Ow! - meant to be!"

"This is really sad..." Sky said as he stood with the other pioneers, viewing Daniel's torture. "How about me and Ada will take out Christina - hey dreamer, you can handle that Ricky dude, can't you?" dreamer flashed a thumbs up and Sky continued. "Good, then while we're doing that, Robin and Kearbear can get Daniel out of those chains, okay?"

"Aw, come on, I have to work with Robin?" Kearbear jumped up and down pouting.

"Sorry, but everyone else is trapped in the mosh pits..." Sure enough, Junta, Scars, and KelNino were struggling to free themselves from the onslaught of poppers (they just couldn't stand Christina's guitar noise anymore).

"All right..." Kearbear agreed. "On the count of three, everybody run for the stage and do your part!"

"One...two..."

"Wait! I have to tie my bloody shoes!" Robin sreamed. "Oh, never mind. I forgot they were the velcro kind..."

"Okay, one!...Two!...Three! Let's go save Daniel!"

The pioneers ran to the stage and there they headed in different directions. Kearbear and Robin crept out of sight while dreamer took out Ricky and Sky created a diversion to steer the blonde bitch away from the stage. From there, KearBear and Robin lept up onto the stage and tried to figure out how to get Daniel out of the chains.

"Why did they give US this job??" KearBear asked Robin as she tugged at the chains. "We don't have any @%#^ing powers!"

"Right. That sucks a bloody big one!" Robin said as he pulled lightly on the chains.

"Hey! Robin! Tug harder! When I'm free, I'll give you a reward..." Daniel said with a wink.

All of a sudden, Robin gave one almighty tug and the chains just burst apart. KearBear stood in shock for a second, then helped Robin get Daniel off the stage and away to safety. On their way back, they picked up some of the pioneers from the mosh pit. Kelnino was especially battered (she had made the mistake of yelling "N'Sync Sucks!" within the onslaught of poppers). Her hair hung long and tangled, and the claws of the demented poppers had scratched her arms and face. Junta and Scars had managed to make out with little damage, although Scars was upset that she had lost her teddy bear in the pits.

"Great, you got Daniel, where'd Sky and them go?" Kelnino asked, looking around the group.

"They went of to take out Christina and Ricky..." Robin gasped for breath.

"Well, we ought to go find them-"

Suddenly, there was a huge blast and the stage leapt into flames, spewing forth sound equipment and burning chunks of wood. "Something tells me that had something to do with the other pioneers that went after Christina..." someone muttered. The pioneers rushed over the burning rubble and were horrified at what they saw - not only was James having *more* puppies, but they also saw KelNino and KearBear's horses (Hero and Teddy) having mad gay equine sex again!

"Hero! How could you?? Again? You and Teddy broke up! You're over him! I thought you were straight now - what is Shenanigans going to think? Huh? That's right mister! And what about what the insurance company said last time? Get your big stupid head over here and I'm gonna give you an earful!" KelNino yelled.

"Teddy...hun...I thought you were over Hero. I know you were in denial at first, but come on! He's not even that studly...you should be going for other horses right now...you know, spending your time handing out your number...not having nasty sex with your ex!" KearBear said with disappointment.

The other pioneers looked away in disgust as they saw what they were looking for - dreamer and Sky were desperately trying to fight off Christina and Ricky. The other pioneers helped by throwing unusually large bananas at their filthy pop asses.

"Go away you @&*#%$^! psychotic penguin!" Shayde yelled as she hurled a large one at Christina, knocking her whip out of her hands.

"Hey, like, that hurt. I was going to, like, defend myself with that! Those bananas are, like, gross! They are so gooey! They are, like, ahhhhh!" Christina yelled as she fell down. The pioneers quickly walked over to her and began to stuff bananas *everywhere.* "Hey, that kinda tickles..." She giggled.

Just then, the pioneers noticed that Ricky was getting away on his boyfriend's bike.

"After him!" James yelled. The pioneers looked up in laziness but decided against chasing Ricky, who was getting away fast on the bike. "Do something!" James yelled again.

"Here!" said Ash, chucking a rock as hard as she could at Ricky. The rock hit him right in his head and Ricky tumbled to the ground in the distance.

"Good aim!" said KelNino. The pioneers then got up and ran to him and saw that he was very unconscious..

"Now what?" asked Ada.

"I know," Robin replied. "We can cast him in bronze!"

"Robin you idiot, we already did that to Kid Rock," KelNino reminded him.

"Well, then let's produce an MTV show about Ricky!" James replied, thinking.

"Uh...James? An MTV show?" Shayde nudged him.

"No! It could be a show about what he REALLY is!"

"Like we could talk all about his gay sex life and stuff!" Ada screamed in glee.

"What's wrong with a gay sex life?" Daniel whined. However, no one was listening to him because they were pulling camera equipment out of his bottomless backpack. They strapped Ricky to a chair, set up a camera in front of him, and began the interrogation.

"So, Ricky, tell us about your first zoosexual experience," Kearbear asked. "I don't know what you're talking about..." Ricky lied. However, Robin began to take off his shoes. "Okay! Okay, I'll talk!" he shrieked. Within an hour, the bathroom pioneers had a full documentary of Ricky's zoosexual activities, his crazy gay nightlife, and his attempt to hump a tree.

"Well, let's give MTV a call...how much should we sell this tape for?" James asked, covering the phone with his hand.

On to Part 48!

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