Part 46
"Hey there! You're right, Saurus!" KearBear said, jerking away from the gas station workers. "But where could dreamer have gone?" Back to silverchair stuff
Just then, a bunch of papers started to blow across the street. KelNino, wondering what they were, picked one up. "Hey guys, this is a flyer for a 'chair concert!"
"Let's go!" Daniel screamed excitedly.
"Daniel! You're in the 'chair!" Ada exclaimed. "You aren't having a concert - are you?!"
"Oooohhhhh...not that I know of...'ey Ben!" Daniel said.
"Yeah, what's up, dudes?" Ben said as he sauntered over.
"Do you know anything about a concert for us? Did you hook that up?" Daniel questioned.
"Well, some guy told me to. He said a lot of hot chicks would be there, so I figured hey, sounds good to me."
"Great! Good going, Ben! You're hot, but you're a dumbass!" KearBear yelled. Flash heard that and took her aside, his feelings hurt that she thought Ben was hot.
"Well, anyways. We have to find dear dreamer!" KelNino said.
"Where to, guys? We'll give you a lift!" the gas station workers volunteered.
"Oh, no thank you," Kelnino answered politely. "However, I would like to inquire about a certain association. I have collected a union of humble gas station workers, like yourself, to bring down the evil of a Hitler-like figure."
"Er...who?" the gas station worker stuttered.
"Her name is Kearbear, but you may know her as Satan," Kelnino replied.
"Hey!" Karbear exclaimed.
Kelnino continued anyway. "Here, go to this website for information..." She handed the gas-station worker a slip of paper which read "http://expage.com/antikearbear."
"Yeah...okay," the gas station worker nodded. "So, uh, you *don't* want a lift?"
"Naw, we got a gig at the Slate Stadium in downtown Bedrock," Ben said.
"Say, are you fellas silverchair?" the gas station worker asked.
"No, they're your mom," KelNino answered for silverchair. So, the pioneers crammed into their '74 Camaro and drove down to Slate Stadium. silverchair set up their stuff and started to jam. The pioneers were having a kick-ass time when suddenly, silverchair stopped in the middle of One Way Mule.
"Uh..." Daniel groaned. "We got a problem, my reigning premies..." The crowd screamed as Daniel pointed to the back of the stadium. There, in front of the thrown-open double doors, stood the abomination of the new milenium, the princess of pop, the pimple-free monster. It was Christina Aguilera! "I thought you killed yourself about 40 chapters back!" Daniel exclaimed in shock.
"What the hell is going on here?" yelled Junta.
"How would you pioneers like to cut a deal with me? I'm serious," Christina said in a low voice when she got to the front.
"What sort of deal?" Kelnino said, arching an eyebrow.
"I've got something you want, and if you get something for me, I'll give it back to you," Christina explained.
"You kidnapped dreamer, didn't you?" Saurus snapped in an accusatory tone.
"Well...yes. But you guys, I really need your help!" the blonde bimbette whined.
"We wouldn't help you if - " Scars began, but Kearbear interrupted her.
"Wait a second, let's at least hear her out. *Then* we'll have an even better excuse to kick her ass!"
"Good point," Kelnino mused. "Okay, Christina. What do you want from us?"
"I want what *every* girl wants..." Christina began, approaching Daniel. "I mean, what girl *doesn't* want a overly sensitive animal activist to eat potatoes and...meat?"
The word "meat" echoed in Daniel's head. "What? Me eating meat? No way am I - "
"Well, I suppose dreamer is going to...ummm, what's that word?" pondered Christina, reaching for a dictionary.
"Uh, die?" Junta guessed.
"Wait! If Daniel eats anything against his beliefs, the band silverchair will become nonexistent!" cried �cars. Junta walked over and gave her a soft, bounty napkin to blow her nose with. "What? No tissue?" laughed �cars.
"Is this really the time to laugh?" dreamer yelled. The pioneers looked behind Christina to see dreamer taped up in the backseat of a pink car covered in animal fur.
"Hey, is that real?" Daniel asked, his eyes as big as dinner plates.
"No, it's your mom, Daniel," KelNino deadpanned.
"Jolly elfs, no it's not." Daniel said in confusion.
"Well, like, I really need Daniel...because...uh" Christina began. "Because I want to shake up my image a little. You know."
"What are you talking about?" rockstar shrieked.
"Oh, it started out well enough. I love hot rock stars. What girl doesn't? And Kurt was cute, but he's, uh, dead, you know, and he'd be way older than me anyway. Like, over 30."
"Yes, we know Kurt's gone. His female side is my reincarnated soul for crying out loud! Just get to the point!" Kelnino fumed.
"And anyway, that Fred guy, is, you know, getting less popular 'cause he's so disrespectful. Saying he likes that PJ Harvey person isn't going to save him now. But Daniel's still young and everyone loves him, and he's way hot...and I want him. Preferably in a vinyl suit, and by my side..."
"That's nice and all, but go the &#^@ away!" KelNino yelled impatiently.
"KelNino! No! She's got dreamer! We need dreamer!" Junta yelled, reaching for dreamer.
"That's right! If you want your friend back, me and Daniel have to have nasty straight sex! Right in front of everyone!" Christina said as she reached for Daniel and began to smother him.
"Hey hey hey!" KelNino stepped in. "You can't have him until we take a vote, okay?"
Christina got off of him irritably and backed away. She began muttering words under her breath and staring at Daniel. "R-r-r-robin... can we go suck on a fag?" Daniel whispered to Robin who stood beside him biting his fingernails.
"Yah, sure," Robin replied, handing Daniel a cigarette.
"What is this?" Daniel asked.
"You asked for a fag...although I wish you had asked to go suck on some hot gay men," Robin answered.
"That's what I asked!" Daniel yelled.
"R-r-r-i-i-i-g-g-g-h-h-h-t-t-t..." Robin answered.
"Can we get on with it? I'm getting - er - excited! He just looks so hot...please?" the blonde asked impatiently.
"All right already, all right already...you guys. What do you think?" KelNino asked.
"What do we think? That's all you can say, KelNino?" responded KearBear.
"Well, what else am I supposed to say after this tragedy? What? Let's create an orgy with Christina and Daniel?" KelNino blurted, glaring at the blonde popstar.
"Actually..." Robin interrupted her. The pioneers turned around and saw something...strange.
"Hey, is that a banana in your pants or are you excited to see me?" Christina asked, reaching out to Robin.
"No, it's a #^$%ing gun, skank!"
"A gun? Like, really? Oh," Christina muttered. "You know, Daniel, I have lots of peircings if that turns you on. I've got 12 going at the moment, all of which you can't see right now..."
"Oh hell! Terrible image in my head!" Daniel covered his eyes in fright and Christina sighed.
"Well, we need dreamer..." Kelnino muttered. "And Daniel is pretty much useless without a guitar on him, so I vote we give him to Christina..."
"Good point, KelNino. He is kind of annoying..." Flash agreed.
"Yeah, he does get in the way," Scars added.
Robin gasped and screamed, "But Daniel is my lover-"
"Okay, then Daniel is for sure gone," Junta said. She pushed Daniel towards Christina and he fell into the blonde popstar's arms. Christina grabbed him and started kissing him passionately, against his struggles and pleas for help.
"Hey, aren't you gonna hold up your end of the bargain?" Redwing interrupted.
"Oh, like yeah..." Christina pulled out a remote control from the pocket of her slutty pants and pressed a button. Suddenly, dreamer appeared. The pioneers screamed with glee at seeing their friend. Meanwhile, Christina pressed another button, causing she and Daniel to disapear. However, the pioneers didn't notice becuase they had gathered around dreamer.
dreamer pushed them away. "What have you done?!" she shouted. "You gave your own idol to the dark side! I can't believe you! Daniel is in the evil hands of Christina Aguilera!"
"But we like you better!" Kearbear argued.
"Well, thanks, but we have to save Daniel. You know as well as I do that that was not a fair trade - me for Daniel. You should have gotten me, a guitar, AND a bag of chips for that skinny manwhore! But anyway...when we 'save' him, we can kick Christina's wimpy ass!"
"Kill two birds with one stone!" Saurus smiled. He hugged dreamer (much to her pleasure).
"Yeah!" the pioneers replied in unison.
"But-uh...where do we start?" Sky asked.
dreamer thought for a moment and replied "Well, Christina is a ditz and decided that I should have one of my very own remote controls, just in case I got hungry and wanted to click myself to the grocery store or something. However, I couldn't figure out how to use it to escape her reach, so anyways, I figured that you guys could help me figure it out!"
"Hey! That could be jolly useful!" Robin stepped forward. "Can I have a look at it?"
"Sure! You have a try, okay, Robin?" dreamer gladly handed the controller to him.
"Ooooh! What's *this* button do?" he asked as he pressed the large red button titled *Do Not Press*.
"Noooooo!" dreamer screamed as he vanished. "That takes you and the controller back to the hells!"
KearBear gasped and grabbed for Flash's hand. The other pioneers were shocked at Robin's stupidity.
"Hey! He's *almost* as retarded as my friend at my old school!" KelNino started when Saurus cut her off.
"Now's *not* the time to get off track, KelNino," he said calmly. "We have to figure out something new now, since the idiot lost the controller for us. Damn him!"
"Okay...I have an idea..."