Part 37
They all thought for a moment before deciding to dress him up in a pink dress and casting him in bronze. Before long, a huge metal figure of transvestite Kid Rock stood in front of the stadium. Soon, their attentions fell on their old friend, KelNino. Back to silverchair stuff
"Hey, Kelnino, where have you been?!" Kearbear shook Kelnino violently.
KelNino shoved her off and replied, "Watch it, freaknut. I was just spending a little time thinking, that's all..." she dusted herself off.
"So, do you want to explain that whole Guns N Roses freak concert?" Sky asked.
"Sure, it was a message from Timmy that got a little twisted out of proportion, that's all. Sorry about that. Were you able to find everyone?"
"Yeah, sure. And a new guy too, but what did Timmy have to say?"
"Aw, weird stuff. Hey, guess what? I'm from another planet! Pretty cool, eh? Got some nifty new powers." Kelnino smiled.
"What the bloody hell are you talking about! Robin exclaimed.
"Timmy said I'm some sort of super-human kind of person from another planet. Junta and Sky too, since they're my siblings and all..."
"Cool then!" Sky exclaimed.
"And what else?" Kearbear pushed on.
"Oh, the rest was very muddled, something about meeting a fellow from that planet, like me. I kinda saw him briefly, he was hot as hell, dreds and lots of piercings, heh heh, some in really odd places, let me tell you. Except for this nasty big thing on his back, that wasn't too hot...what's wrong?" The group had fallen silent. "What?!"
"And uh...what did Timmy want from this guy?" dreamer cautiously asked.
"Not sure...very unclear. I could hardly hear him over that Guns N roses music. Something along the lines, well, sending him into a coma in a very violent manner so he can line up the astrological spheres to create a massive ball of energy that will explode, creating a door into these bad dudes' realm. You know, so we can toast them."
"And what happens to the fellow?" Daniel asked.
"Oh, he'll be okay. It sounded as though the pain of it all wouldn't be any big deal for him. Timmy said he'd been tortured in far worse ways."
"And that's supposed to be an 'unclear' message?!" Chris and Ben said in unison.
Kelnino shrugged. "I guess you had to be there. So, Kearbear, who's the new guy you mentioned?"
Kearbear ignored her and turned to Flash. "Flash, buddy old pal, you wouldn't happen to have peircings in 'odd' places, would you?"
Flash blushed. "You really wouldn't want to know..." KelNino looked at the new guy and gasped.
"Cheesus! I wasn't supposed to find him this fast!" KelNino exclaimed.
"Pleasure, KelNino. What a nice meeting, eh?" Flash laughed. The group stood around nervously before Flash said "So, uh, anybody up for some food?"
"Bloody hell, I'm hungry! I don't think we've eaten since that wanking freaky night at Ada's Aunt's house. That banana-weed soup, or whatever it was." Robin exclaimed. "How about we go digging through the trash cans and find some good grub!"
"Errr...how about we just go to Mcdonald's?" Kearbear suggested.
"Bloody no! I can't eat that stuff!" Robin protested. "It kinda gives me diarrhea."
The rest of the group calmed their laughing and decided to order Chinese. They all returned back to KearBear's house to have a meeting there. "Well, KelNino, what are these new powers really?" KearBear asked. "Are you like that girl on Angel?"
"Do you actually watch that crap?" KelNino giggled. "But yes, I guess I am like that girl. Pretty wickedeebo, eh?"
"Um...yeah. Well, can we get bloody on with it?" Robin asked getting impatient. He'd been in a bad mood since he found out that Daniel was bi. It was very strange for him. He kept himself mostly to his clay lover Fred. He could mold him into anything he wanted.
Meanwhile, the rest of the pioneers discussed KelNino and Flash's strange situation. "So, don't you have to knock me into a coma, or something like that?" Flash asked.
"Well, I really don't want to, seems like far to much trouble for me." KelNino sipped at her hot chocoalate.
"So, we're just going to jolly well ignore Timmy?" Nathaniel was shocked.
"Well, why not?" Kelnino shrugged. "We can always go the back way to toast the bad dudes. Why go through all that trouble?" The group agreed it was a good idea.
"But if there is a back way, wht did Timmy tell you to do all that stuff to Flash?" dreamer wondered.
"Well, I wasn't supposed to find him so soon. Actually, I wasn't supposed to find him until next summer when the Hell vacation cruises are over and we can't get in anymore."
"There are bloody Hell Vacation Cruises! What a bunch of wankers! Nobody ever told me I could go to hell!" Robin pouted.
"Nobody needed to, Robin. We're all going to hell," Junta added darkly.
"So all that was just a waste of time. Damn," Flash said.
"Naw, being Axl Rose was well worth it!" KelNino laughed and all was well again. They left and walked around town before ordering round-trip tickets to hell, over which Robin was very excited. Flash, however, was not so enthusiastic.
"And if they recognize me?" he worried.
"Just wear a turtleneck and no one will ever know," dreamer comforted him. "Er, put those shades back on, Flash. Your eyes are truly disturbing."
"Sorry." Flash covered his white eyes with the dark glasses. "Are we boarding soon?" A large black cruiser had inched up to the dock and big men were loading suitcases onto it. Robin was busy sending the men pick-up lines.
"Hey you wanker! Yeah, you!" Robin called after an especially large one and he turned around to see the Brit. "You know, I have a magic watch that tells me you don't have any panties on!"
The man looked oddly at Robin before replying, "Sir, I'm quite sure I do have them on."
"Oh, sorry then," Robin winked. "My watch must be an hour fast." The big man smiled, looked around, and thrust Robin behind a pile of shipping crates. The bathoom pioneers looked away in disgust.
Soon a call was made for all passengers to load the boat, so Robin had to be dragged away as they all made themselves comfortable in their quarters. Daniel was especially fascinated with his room's Care Bears wallpaper.
"Bloody hell!" Robin exclaimed. "Not Care Bears!" He covered his eyes and hid in the corner.
"Have you got a problem with Care Bears?!" Kearbear asked furiously.
Robin replied by snarling, "I used to have nightmares about them!"
"Awww poor baby, who cares, not your problem," said Kearbear.
"Hmph, I still think it's hideous..." said Robin.
KearBear and Robin continued to argue when Daniel exclaimed, "Hey look at this! This is so wicked cool!"
"Oh no...what in the hell is it now Daniel?" asked KearBear who was now in a terrible mood because of Robin.
"There are automatic toilets! Look! You piss in them, and then without doing a thing, they just flush!" he screamed and pointed excitedly.
"Oh good god. Daniel, get the hell away from that %#$@ing toilet," commanded KelNino, "You're pissing me off."
"Better to be #%@$ing pissed off than pissed on, eh KelNino?" joked Nathaniel.
"Oh bloody hell, am I going nucking futs? What is wrong with you all? Have we resorted to being corny? Because if we have I believe I'll take a permanent residence in this hell place," Robin said, still disgruntled by the KearBears.
The group moved on and started to gather in the strip bar in the bowels of the cruise ship.
"This is making me rather uncomfortable..." Robin mumbled as his face was shoved between a pair of rather large breasts. However, no one was paying attention to him because something strange was happening to the strippers. As if the scene were straight out of Resident Nightmare or D2, monstrous growths were emerging from their tan, oiled skin.
"Dear Timmy..." Kelnino gasped. One of the monsters roared and squatted to the ground. Another crouched and prepared to leap. Flash began to draw his sword, but one of the evil creatures spoke.
"So, anybody up for a throw? Ten bucks a pop!"
"What?!" Flash exclaimed in shock.
"Do you want some, or not?" the monster rubbed her hip, or what seemed to be a hip.
"Uh...no. I think we'll be going now..." Flash backed away alng with the rest of the group as KelNino yanked Robin out of the pair of boobs. They went back to the main deck and decided that some drinks would be in order after all that they had gone through. Robin was especially thrilled at the idea. He went through about 12 tall glasses before retreating to the automatic toilet and staying there for a half an hour. When he finally came out, most of the pioneers had gone to bed.
"Where the hell did everyone go? Bloody hell, I just threw up my entire life's meals, and pissed out the rest," he said, very annoyed.
"Chill out dude. Don't be steppin on my flava yo," Kearbear giggled.
"Hey! What in bloody hell is Daniel doing?" Robin asked.
"Oh, right, him. He found some virtual nude beach game. Want to join him? Maybe you two can get back together!" KearBear laughed, obviously drunk out of her mind. She couldn't stop laughing and when she went to stand up, she fell over.
Robin grabbed the controls and was stopped by Flash. Flash and Kelnino had managed to stay sober through the all-night party.
"Common, guys...the ship is going to hit port in a half hour. Gather up your stuff." He helped Kearbear up, who was in the worst shape of them all. Soon the ship landed and they all wobbled off, Kelnino helping Robin and dreamer and Flash carrying Kearbear on his back. Ada, Nathaniel, Daniel, Ben, Chris, Scars, Sky and everyone else followed. About 100 yards from the Hell sea-port, they were confronted by a band of rough looking fellows. "Halt!" the leader of the group said. "Who waltzes into MY town?"
Flash pulled up the collar of his jacket and put his shades on before answering "Who dares to challenge?"
"Flash - " Kelnino whispered. "Now would be a really bad time for a spat...a batch of drunk teenagers versus those fellows?"
Flash nodded and turned back to the group again. "Who's your captain?"
"I am," a stocky, black-haired boy said, stepping forward. "I am Connor Macleod of the clan Macleod, and I cannot die."
"And you've been watching too much bloody Highlander!" Robin hiccupped. "Get a job, you wanker!" Kelnino slapped a hand over Robin's mouth and faked a smile at the black-haired boy.
"Hehe..." she said nervously. "So, uh, how are you fellows doing today, eh?"
"Who's your captain?" the boy ignored her and turned back to Flash.
Flash looked to Kelnino, who said "We don't have one. We've never needed one."
"What're you doin' here? Patrolling for those damn Hellies?" the boy snapped.
"Anything but that," Flash answered.
"We came for the women! Hahaha...ohhh..." Robin leaned over and puked again.
"Jeezus, what are we gonna do with these drunk bastards!" Kelnino shouted in exasperation.
"You ain't from the Hells then?" the boy asked, looking a little confused.
"No," Flash answered.
"Oh...you need a place to stay?" the group's captain suddenly seemed to show genuine concern for them, now that he understood they weren't working for Britney and the Hells.
"Sure do."
"All right. Follow us and uh..." he looked at Robin. "and do your best to lay low..."
The drunken bathroom pioneers followed the Hell Street gang to their hideout and slept off the alcohol. It was a comfy little bunker, much like the Neo-Bathroom Pioneers' basement place, with mismatched, drab furniture and another wickedeebo automatic toilet! Robin and Daniel were astonished. Then, realizing that they still had things in common, locked themselves in the bathroom. No one cared to know what they were doing in there.