Part 20
"Oooh, great idea, Daniel!" dreamer smiled. "I really need a new Hello Kitty t-shirt." Back to silverchair stuff
Suddenly, KelNino gripped her book, her eyes rolling back in her head. She fell to the ground.
"KelNino? You okay? KelNino!" Junta held KelNino as she shook heavily.
"What the wanking hell is she saying?" Robin asked.
The group quieted to listen to the spazzing KelNino. It started as a whisper, but soon she was screaming.
"NO Mommy! Don't do it again! Don't do it again! I'll be a good boy! I'll be a good boy! I promise! No Mommy! Don't hit me! Aaaaaah!" KelNino began scrapping at Junta. Junta had to release the screaming KelNino. "Why do you have to hit me like that Mommy!? Don't do it, you're hurting me! Aaaaaah!"
"Wickedeebo..." Robin stared in awe.
"Robin! Shut up, not now!" Ada shouted as she tried to restrain KelNino.
"Why do you have to be such a bitch!" KelNino continued. "Why can't you just walk off and DIE! Why can't you just walk off and DIE?! Why can't you just leave me and die! Never stick your hand in my face again, bitch! #$%@ YOU! I don't need this shit! You stupid suck-dissing abusive $#%@ing whore! Would you like to see how it feels Mommy?! Here it comes, get ready to DIE!" With that, KelNino fel to the ground unconscious.
"Er, what was that all about?" Robin looked stunned.
Ada thought for a moment. "Was she abused or something?"
"No," replied Junta.
"Hey...I know what she was screaming about..." The group turned around and was surprised to see it was Chris. "That was Disturbed."
Well, of course she's disturbed! Look at her!" Shayla snapped as she pointed at KelNino.
"Errr," Chris stuttered. "Disturbed is a band...she was singing, er, yelling lyrics from this one song..."
"Well, they must be bloody good. That was pretty wickedeebo!" interrupted Robin.
"Robin!" Ada rolled her eyes. "So, why was she singing this 'Disturbed' stuff?"
Chris shrugged. KelNino was still unconscious.
"Hey..." said dreamer. "I think I know why she was screaming that stuff. It must have been a message from Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld!"
"What did the gods want to tell us, dreamer?" asked rockstar.
"I'm not sure. but it could be - "
Before she could answer, Drummer walked in from somewhere, holding a pen and a notebook. "Can you help me with this rhyme? I have ideas, but I dont know what I should use to make it sound right."
"Oh, wow, it's Drummer!" cried rockstar. "When we were in the future, I saw a book of poems with your name on it...it said you wrote it, so I grabbed it for you."
Drummer then flipped open the book to the first page and there was the poem she was trying to find a rhyme to. "Wow! So am I like a famous poet?" asked drummer.
�cars looked at the book in amazement. "Heh heh, cool - but wait!" She looked around in a daze. "What are we doing here in Japan...Ooooooh! Never mind, do we have sushi?" rockstar gave her a funny look. "Ohhh, never mind...so I have a book!" she cried. "Hey, uhm...was it Melinda..didn't you want a copy of my book?" drummer quickly filled in the missing pieces to the poem that she was writing and closed the book with the draft in it, holding it close by her. She walked around to show more people her book with a smile on her face.
"Drummer, that's great, it really is," dreamer said, "But what are we going to do about KelNino? She's out cold, and I think that screaming was a sign from Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld."
"First of all, we'd better get her some help," observed junta. "Someone's got to help me carry her." The Johns brothers volunteered, reasoning that the sooner this all got straightened out, the sooner they could hit the karaoke clubs.
"So...where are we going?" Ben asked.
Everyone fell silent for a minute before Ada remembered she had an aunt who lived in Osaka...
"That's a little far, isn't it?" asked dreamer. "Ash, why don't you go run to her aunt and tell her what happened, so she can come get us?"
"Heck, that's far!" whined Ash.
"You're the cross-country runner!" replied junta, who was worried about her sister.
"Yeah, but who ever said I was a *good* cross-country runner? I am not going and that's it - it's over 50 miles!"
"Fine, be a baby. Maybe we could call her on the phone," said Ada, picking up the phone. "My aunt's a little weird, though, I am warning you."
"Well, we figured that much, Ada!" John said with a smile. "She obviously must be, if you're related!"
Ada's aunty from Osaka was an old hermit who had been living in the mountains all her life. She had moved there from Poland when she was young. Since she grew up in the mountains, and there aren't many people, Ada's aunt became friends with rocks. She would talk for them, sing for them, dance for them, everything! Then one day, the rocks told Ada's aunt the secret of all things. They told her that all living things are actually part of a greater whole. This greater whole was known as ungabunga-kissmequick-andagain-timmyistheman-DJ-is-gay. In English, this translates to "tech romancer."
As Ada was telling the tale of that eccentric aunt in the mountains, Daniel became fascinated. "Hey! What's this tech romancer fellow? Is he sexy?" he interrupted.
"No Dan, it's not a he. It's a being, a living whole." Ada explained.
"Er, what about Hole? Do you listen to them?"
"No, Daniel!"
"Cuz that Love guy is just not attractive like mysel-er, like your average rock fellow."
"Daniel, Courtney Love is a she..."
"Oh yeah..." Daniel remembered.
Robin cut in. "Yes, she's a wanking queer if you ask me..."
"Like yourself, Robin?" Shayla snapped as dreamer spiked him with her 5-inch heels.
Robin stuttered a little bit "Er, well...uh." For lack of words, he simply said, "Well, I've got a girlfriend you know..."
"What does having a girlfriend have to do with being a wanking queer, you banana and Frostie eating a**hole?"
Just then, KelNino awoke from her coma. "They're Frosted Flakes...er..." she said unsteadily.
Shayla sneered. "Oh great. The bitch is back...can't you go into a *permanent* coma?" Shayla turned her nose up and stamped her foot.
KelNino seemed lost. "Huh? What's going on?"
Junta tried to explain. "Oh, you just woke up from unconsciousness after you were possessed by Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld, who wanted to give us a message. Something about Disturbed, I believe."
"Oh." KelNino scratched her head. "Cosmic crap, I feel like I just woke up in a bar..." Daniel and Heath set her down, and Junta helped her stay standing.
"So..." continued Ada. "Timmy must want us to find ungabunga-kissmequick-andagain-timmyistheman-DJ-is-gay. Can we just call it Tech Romancer?"
"Why the bloody hell do we need to do that?" Robin pondered.
Ash agreed. "Yeah, Kelly's spazmic message didn't say anything about this ungabunga-kissme, er, Tech Romancer thing..."
"It didn't?" Ada was confused.
"Nope, she was screaming about her mom...or something..."
"Oh, well, can't we look for Tech Romancer anyway?"
"No, Ada. We have to do what Timmy said."
"Damn!"
Daniel seemed disappointed as well. "This jolly sucks. If this fellow romances with tech or whatever, imagine what he could do with - "
"No, Daniel, we have to do what Timmy said!" ASh interrupted.
"It's not an actual person, anyway," Heath snickered. "Duuuuuuhhh."
"Hey, I think I know what it means!" rockstar piped up.
"What?"
"The message Timmy sent us meant that we have to sing the alphabet backwards!"
"Er, what's the alphabet?" Robin asked, cocking his head in curiousity.
"Robin, you wanking idiot! You know, that song you learned in kindergarten?" Shayla said rudely.
Robin thought for a moment and replied "Oh, yes. I jolly *do* know the song!" He cleared his throat. "Joy to the world! Barney's dead! We barbecued his head!"
KelNino decided to join in the childish melody. "And then we took his body and flushed it down the potty!"
KelNino joined hands with Robin and they sang together, "Round and around it goes! Around and round it goes! Joy to the world! Barney is - "
"Would you two shut up!" Shayla was throughly irritated. "Okay, the Barney song has nothing to do with the alphabet! And what does the alphabet have to do with Timmy?"
Ash shrugged. "It was just an idea..."
"Well, it was stupid!" Shayla slapped Ash, who sat down and cried. This made KelNino very angry.
"Okay! That's *enough!*" KelNino stuffed one of Robin's dirty thongs in Shayla's mouth. Shayla struggled, but the intoxicating filth knocked her unconscious. KelNino continued. "Okay, well, let's see. Disturbed is Jimmy's fave band, or one of them. And I was singing Disturbed. Maybe Jimmy is supposed to sing something. Or I sing one of Jimmy's songs! That's it! I sing one of Jimmy's songs!"
Daniel became very excited. "That's jolly it alright! Go on! Pretty pretty please! I want to hear the blonde Feo sing! Jolly wanking fun it'll be!" Ben calmed Daniel down and the group agreed to try letting KelNino sing a tune. Because the only song that Jimmy really wrote was a crappy little rap tune called "Peeps in Alpharetta," KelNino thought it would be best to spit out that rhythm. Jimmy brought out his cheap turntable (he spent his wad on his strata) and scratched a little before letting KelNino start. With a rusty spin of the table, KelNino began:
"Checkin' out the jugs
Chillin' with my thugs
Givin' all the hugs to my peeps in Alpharetta.
When we wanna get doped up,
We go to Beanie's and smoke up
And everybody knows that
All the bitches live on Hopewell.
Yeah, Jason pimps on freshmen
But skinny-ass Wit cain't get none
Cuz if you're second year
At least freshie love is somethin'
Robert likes the whores
Wants Kel or Shawna on his lap.
No, the punk ain't gunna score,
but her loves them butey claps.
Yeah, we're the schoolbus posse.
We're all friggin' stoners
We're livinalie TIMMY!
Cuz we're white gangsta gunners!
Rob, Jorge, Shawna, Wit and Kelly!
Us peeps will come getcha
Gina, Jason, Mike and Jimmy!
Cuz we're peeps in Alpharetta!"
KelNino gave a peace sign and put the mic down when suddenly a door appeared (yes, out of thin air). The group cheered, KelNino's perception of the message was true!