Chapter 5

Sark kept turning and tossing on his bed but sleep wouldn't come. Irina's words had brought back all those 'feelings' he'd buried a long time ago. Being locked up again in the glass cell after six months of being Sydney's partner had been hell. He'd spent most of those two months, before he'd been traded raging mad at her. How could she have done it? They had been getting along so well... Sometimes even too well.

Sark watched Simon's movements in the monitor. His comm. link was the one that had Cole on the other side, Sydney's only had Simon... And him, of course. But Simon didn't know that.

He'd been running surveillance for Syd the last two months. She made sure to be the one actually getting whatever they were after so she could plant her CIA/DSR issued counterfeit; sometimes, she changed the originals for yet another fake he himself provided for her and they kept the real thing. Sydney was convinced the SDR wasn't to be trusted any more than the Covenant. Not since they run all those tests on her and tried to make her into their lab rat. She had told him how Irina insisted it was her in the prophecy and that meant she couldn't afford for key intel to fall in the wrong hands.

Apparently, his hands didn't fall into that category anymore. Sark smiled at that.

On screen, Simon approached Sydney and grabbed her by the waist, whispering something in her ear. After a brief instant of hesitation, Syd gave him a fake smile and wriggled herself out of his grasp, trying to make it look casual. And failing. Definitely not her best performance. Sark had seen her in action often enough to judge. He saw Simon study Sydney's back intently. Both men wondering what was up with 'their' partner.

Sark was perfectly aware that Sydney was sleeping with Simon. It had become obvious the first time he'd watched them together. And it had nothing to do with Simon's possessiveness of her body. Sark had seen lots of men behave like they owned Sydney on missions. It was her relaxed and flirtatious handling of his advances.

It had surprised Sark, that Sydney wasn't pining for her agent Vaughn and being a good little girl throughout her undercover stint.

Of course, that had been until he'd run a check on Vaughn. Married. Not even a whole year. Michael Vaughn had waited exactly eleven months and three weeks to marry another woman.

That explained Sydney's new attitude. She was past Vaughn. It was strange seeing Sydney like that. For all their encounters, Sark had only seen 'spy' Sydney, even when she was acting up the seductress role, it was still an act. But now he got to see her in a personal light. As a woman rather than a spy.

Sark frowned absentmindedly.

In the monitor, Simon brushed past Sydney out of the office and she followed him, reluctantly.

Sark bristled. Enough was enough. "What the hell is wrong with you? You know my house is clean. I've never once called you Julia in here. You've told me yourself that me calling you Sydney was the only thing that kept you sane sometimes so whatever it is that's bothering you, deal with it." He stood and left, slamming the door to his bedroom.

That night had been a turning point in their relationship. He'd stayed in his room the rest of the evening, working on their next move. Or trying to, because he could hear her walking around his house for hours before the front door finally opened and closed with a soft click.

Sydney never did tell him what the problem had been but, apparently, she had worked through it. She hadn't called for a week but then she'd just showed up at his door, going so far as to ringing the doorbell, and offered to buy him dinner.

Things had gone back to good after that. Which was why her sudden turn and betrayal had burned him so much. For a long time Sark thought she'd been playing him all along and it had been her plan to bring him in from the beginning. But, with time and perspective, he'd come to the conclusion that he was too good at reading people for that to be true. Sydney had considered him a friend, his opinion mattered to her, his well-being had been a priority for her... He didn't understand what had changed. There hadn't been any warnings, any decisive event. He had never even hinted at his real feelings...

Giving up, Sark got off bed. The sun was rising anyway and he had something to do. He walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Stripping down, he got in and let the pounding water wash his turmoil away.

Sydney fell on her bed, exhausted. She couldn't keep going like this. She was burning herself out. Too many missions and no rest was starting to affect her performance in the field. Not so much that the others would notice, she was too good at improvising for that, but sooner or later her luck would run out and she was going to find herself in over her head.

She sighed, closed her eyes and let her mind wander to the last three weeks; from the moment Sark had escaped opening the dam that contained her memories.

She had been remembering a lot of the personal stuff. Some missions too, but usually only those where something had affected her on a personal level, her view on things, on people... She'd dreamed about Simon a lot. And about Sark even more.

It had bothered her greatly at first but in the end she had come to terms with the fact that she'd been 'friends' with Sark... And even worse, that only her willpower and self-control had kept her from taking their friendship further...

She had just switched the disk when she felt Simon's arm around her waist and his lips on her neck. He bit her playfully and whispered in her ear, "I've got a surprise for you at my house." He licked her earlobe. "I can't wait for you to see it."

Sydney tensed slightly. The shivers were still there and her body reacted to his touch the same way, but her traitorous mind betrayed her. Because Simon's lips didn't belong on her skin anymore. And the guilt had become an unwelcome third party in her encounters with Simon. Sydney hated it. She hadn't felt guilty about Vaughn for God's sake! How the hell had Sark sneaked his way into her thoughts like this?

Simon's touch made her think about Sark's hands on her. Simon's kiss made her wonder about Sark's taste. Simon's lust made her imagine Sark's passion... Urgh! She was damned.

Smiling her worst fake smile ever, she disentangled herself from Simon and pretended she didn't notice his confusion. Sydney made sure to avoid the camera through which she knew Sark was watching her.

"Let's go, Si. We're done here," she said over her shoulder. 'In more ways than just the mission,' she thought sorrowfully. In a way she was sad that her 'relationship' with Simon was over. Simon had been good to her. And for her. They had a lot of fun together. Simon was witty, sarcastic and easy to be with. And he really liked Julia, she knew.

She wasn't looking forward to telling him. He'd want to know why-

Simon brushed past her, not exactly brusquely but hardly with his usual touch

Yep, not looking forward to that conversation at all. They didn't really have a relationship, they were more like sex partners. Which made it harder to explain why she wanted to stop. Unless she had someone else - 'Which I don't,' she told herself stubbornly - it made no sense to end what they had together. With the adrenalin pumping after their missions, sex had been a great stress reliever for both of them. And it had helped their partnership a great deal too. They were better in the field because they knew each other's moves and bodies so well. Sydney just hoped that the end of their sexual relationship didn't affect their professional performance.

And she hoped to hell Sark never found about this.

The slam of his door made her jump. 'Shit!' How stupid of her to think he wouldn't notice, he was a fucking spy. Well, he didn't really know what was wrong but he knew something was. It irked her somehow that he knew her well enough...

Sydney sipped her drink slowly, enjoying the spicy tang of the alcohol. Sark always had the best of everything. She sighed. It was her fault, really. They had gotten to the point where Sark felt at ease with her so much that he touched her often, unconsciously. But Sydney didn't want him that close so she'd started picking fights with him. She'd hoped that would help distance them. But Sark humoured her more often than not and, even though they did fight, they were as close as before.

And Sydney was as frustrated as she was relieved about it.

She thought back to that first day when she'd offered him the deal. He'd been less than thrilled of course. But then it seemed he found his sense of humor and not only he'd agreed to her proposal, no, he'd talked her in circles for so long that when she wanted to realize it he'd changed all her plans and reorganized their new society to suit himself better. He'd barely stopped short of making her work for him, the bastard. She smiled fondly at the memory. Of course she'd just reminded him who had the upper hand and everything had gone well.

Sydney stood and wandered the room studying it. There weren't many personal items, and the decoration was tasteful but not really warm. It wasn't Sark's home, only a temporal place to live, one step above a hotel suite. But it was his for now and he had opened it for her. She spotted his laptop on the desk in his office, the door wide open. He trusted her with everything in this house, nothing was off-limits... 'Except him' she reminded herself.

She walked to the balcony and steeped outside. The sun was setting over the horizon and the sky seemed to be bleeding. 'Like my mind,' she mused, watching the sun disappear. She stayed outside until the breeze made it too cold for her clothing.

Going inside, Sydney went to the kitchen. She'd been greatly surprised to discover Sark was a passable cook. He made a killer Borcsh. She opened the freezer and saw the pint of chocolate ice-cream she loved so much. He'd bought it for her. She had mentioned once she'd always loved ice-cream after a mission and the next time he'd just given her the tub and a spoon then went to fix himself a drink. They'd discussed the mission and what they were going to do with the information they'd acquired over drinks and ice-cream. The same way she used to talk about anything with Will. Just two friends enjoying some down time together. That had been the first time she'd realized how much her perception of him had changed. And, although the idea of likening Sark to Will in any way had scared and revolted the hell out of her at the same time, she couldn't deny that the new method of debriefing had been a huge improvement.

Lost in thought, Sydney suddenly realized she had taken out the ice-cream and was sitting in Sark's kitchen indulging in her favourite sin as if she were home. It struck her as odd how many headaches she was giving herself fighting her reaction to Sark's continued presence in her life.

A memory she hadn't thought about in a long time resurfaced.

"No need to worry, Sydney, we're colleagues now."

He'd been wrong then, of course. She'd been a double agent and as such in the opposite team. Something he'd known then. He'd been pushing her buttons. But it was the truth now. Sydney hadn't realized what that meant until now.

Sark's behaviour until now had been just what she remembered of him in the field but at the same time totally different. They worked together now and Sark had turned out to be quite the team player. He always had her back. He was actually a bit overprotective sometimes. He was, of course, a hell of an actor although she'd never seen him use that kind of subterfuges before. Her mother and her team had usually taken a more direct approach, the kind where guns did all the talking for them.

But she was used to playing roles for her missions and she sure preferred not to kill for the hell of it so they'd taken the subtle route often. And when shootings had been unavoidable, Sark had always been the more aggressive of the two. He'd managed to make many of her kills for her without even mentioning it. He just did.

And he had a gentle touch for wounds. She'd been hit in her leg once and he'd carried her when her wound had been too much and then taken care of cleaning, stitching and bandaging it for her.

He wasn't the devil she'd made him out to be in her mind. He'd just been working for the other team. Everything in life depended on your point of view and, even though the past was something they couldn't change, they shared a point of view now. Weird as that sounded.

The morning after she'd had the dream about that fight had been a hard one. Sydney had finally come to terms with the truth. Her relationship with Vaughn wasn't what it should be. He was in love with the old Sydney Bristow, the one who healed all the wounds their time apart and their choices had inflicted on their lives, but that Sydney was dead. Or as good as. The present Sydney was a mix between that Sydney and the one who had been Julia. Not someone Vaughn would like if she introduced her to him.

Sydney had asked Vaughn to jog with her. She'd led them down to the beach and there, sitting on the sand, she'd explained as best as she could without going into detail how her new memories had reminded her that she'd changed too much to go back. That she wasn't happy anymore.

She had watched Vaughn while his heart broke and, yes, she'd felt the pain, but she was somewhat sad to recognize she'd mostly felt relieved it was finally over.

Chapter 6

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