Terms | My Awakened Journal | Awakening Story | Other | Jokes |
Nov 26: Starting up again. The rest is easy, the awakened part of the site needs to be finished.
I am young. I know I am young. All my life I have been told that I was too young to understand things. Everyone but my own family, who thought my little brother and I were something exceptional. I have known since I was very young, that something just wasn't quite right, something was off. Something within myself. I was never as happy or carefree as my peers, it was as if something was weighing me down. There was always something lingering, something that I was curious about.
I grew up seeking knowledge. It is just the type of person I am. About everything and anything. I learned French when I was very young, then started on Japanese and German before the time I was out of high school. I wanted to be an anthropologist. I studied cultures, clothes, languages, but most of all, I love learning about religions. I think I became obsessed around age 10 or 11. I considered myself wiccan by age 12-something I still practice to this day.
My awakening started around the same time I started practicing wicca. My mother had a fascination with vampires in literature. Books lining the walls, and Vampire novels being the majority in the collection, it was only a matter of time before I started reading them.. At first the idea scared and repulsed me, Vampires..... Creatures of the night who came and killed people to collect their blood. My young imagination ran rampant! What if these creatures were REAL? I needed to be armed against them! My thirst for knowledge pulled me to my beckoning computer. There I searched for endless hours on what could be a living vampire.. Did they could they really exist?
Soon after beginning this search, I started a vampire notebook. I still own it, and it contains all my early thoughts, and research. Along with many add-ons as the years went on. This notebook grew with the ambitions of a newborn, and with the same vigor...
I found surprisingly many sources, finding it odd how many of the sites I found on the topic were shut down. This of course just served to intensify my search. My search was always bringing about more questions with every turn. And I was quite thrown into the vampire community, started with sanguinarians. But something with this just didn't seem right. I felt unsettled, even with my original questions answered. Yes, real living vampires did exist, but it wasn't scared anymore. In fact quite the opposite, I felt very oddly attracted. But I felt like I was missing something. Then one day I stumbled onto a PSI vampire site...
My mind reeled. This was a hugely different train of thought, in a different direction, but more and more sites and book were coming into my view. I started to feel really uncomfortable. I found things I didn't like. I knew I could do things I didn't want to think about, and I heavily identified with these mystical creatures I wasn't even sure truly existed! I think I tried to avoid the subject because it hit to close to home. But as time went on it became more inevitable and harder to run away from. It would come to me in everyday life.
After years of messing around with things, and experimenting I could still barely accept what I was. And this brings me to the point of emotions, granted I was a teenaged girl and probably not the most stable person to begin with but then add realizing what those feelings in my hands were. Or why I felt the way I did. I realized I had been feeding off family and friends. That I barely had control of it even now and was still doing it unconsciously. I thought I was going to hurt everyone.
I was about 15 when I started to really accept it. When I came to terms with my identity, When I was about 16 I met a group of people who were into backyard wrestling. Inside this were a closer group of people, who readily accepted me and became my close friends. They were very much into "haunted places". And just for kicks we started to search these places out. It went on for a while like this, going to sites that were haunted, or places of power. I didn't get the same kick out of it that they did, and I realized I felt things a lot differently than those around me. I was volunteered to try this first, and it was no surprise to anyone but me that it came as second nature, when the rest were unable to accomplish it at first. Most of them thought I was just gifted, but the whole time it just seemed like a part of me. Things didn't seem so bad, and these people were accepting me for who I was on all sides. It didn't seem evil or bad at all to feel the way I did, and this was when I was fully able to appreciate and accept on all levels who I was on all sides, and surfaces.
I have fully come to terms with who I am and embrace it whole-heartedly. I am a Psi Vampire. Everyone close to me knows the truth and I wouldn't have it any other way. I think this was the hardest thing I have overcome. EVER. But it has made me a stronger person in the end. I have friends who understand and who are even weirder than I am! I'm sure you'll meet some in these stories to come.