diary

Hey people so what's new? nothing much for me. Well here's a view of how I see the world, enjoy!

Sunday, September 9th, 2001
I'm actually here writing something down somewhere... i'm here trying to figure out what I'm going to do with and for my classes. I mean I think I can manage, but oh well. Well I'm here doing nothing. Oh yeah! I'm talking to Chris. Dammit, I like his voice! He's got a very nice and sweet voice. =P I don't know... I want to meet him but I don't know... Oh well!!! He likes my voice or so he says, but I'll believe him though...well that's it for the moment... k?

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2001
Haven't written in a long while... Just a lot of things that have been happening. Oh well, let's see...I know where I could start. Well on Sunday (Sept. 30th) I was supposed to go to Alex's house, but ended up going to the library instead. I went there right? I decided to call Chris and went out to hang out with him at LaFayette Park. Cool, huh? Well I actually did have a real real nice time afternoon. We were talking and stuff, but he kept thinking too much... We went to a place to eat, he ate and all I had was a chocolate shake he bought me, it was nice of him to offer though! =P I mean besides being cute and everything, I just can't open up to him yet. I'm not doubting he truly likes me, but I am still not up to the challenge of opening up as to liking him. I really really love his personality and the way he is. But anyway nothing important has been happening to me... but maybe I'll write about more important things if there is a next time.

Thursday, October 4th, 2001
Dammit... I think I got into a little trouble for talking to "C" last night. Damn... but he told me a few things about himself, but I wasn't so far off, but yeah it didn't change my mind and my opinion about him. He just thought it would though... Don't know why?!? Anyway, my mom got angry at me for talking to "C" until about 1:45am... I don't know I'm getting too fed up with her... She told me this morning that I would not be able to use the phone on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Yep that's all I had to say for now...

Monday, October 8th, 2001
Ok... I know I was supposed to write on Saturday, if not yesterday, but a lot has been going on! Ok so let's start about Saturday... I wanted to call "C" in the morning to tell him that I was sorry about hanging up on him. Ok so he wasn't home. So then later on, I ask my mom if I could go to the library. So I go there right and guess who I ran into? That's right, "C"! I was like hesitating and stuff, so I act like I'm reaching for a book but no luck, so I go up to him and ask him for a pen and stuff. So he turns around and says Hi! He's doing his HW so I sit far from him and he asked me to write him a letter and afterwards he said he had to go home so I'm like "go to sleep" but he didn't go home. Instead what happened was that we ended up going to his car to talk and stuff... So yeah, he ended up taking me home. I think, and I'm pretty sure he asked me out and I said "yes!" =P I had lots of fun though, but the thing is, he's a biter, =P but anyway, I spent a fun afternoon but I don't know if he did, too. As for Sunday, I didn't do much except watch football and go on the net. That's all I have to say for the moment, so I'll write a lot more later on.

Wednesday, October 10th, 2001
Well... How was my day? Hmm... it was alright... I stayed home cause I had a fever blister and it sucks cause I never had one of those! Yeah but anyway, the only person who knew I was going to stay home (well kind of) was "C", since I was talking to him last night and everything. I told him I wasn't feeling too well so he said he would come over to visit me, but I didn't think he'd do it! Don't I feel special!?! =P But I honestly don't know why I am acting weird in front of him, I don't think I am though!?! But anyway, that is what is making me like him even more... But should I hold back?? Cause in a way I kind of feel like he is probably rushing things but why do I think that? Oh well, anyway, he actually came over like at 7:40am just like he said he would and we hung out until about 9:15am, then my mom came looking for us and I don't know, he kind of got scared. It was funny, but hey at least my mom loved him, it's the 1st time she actually really really likes one of my guy friends. Isn't it cool? I seem to think so and I seem to know so! Anyway, I don't have much to say since that was the only interesting thing that happened to me.
P.S. - He is definately a keeper, I'm happy! =) Don't want to lose him...

Thursday, October 18th, 2001 (unexpected turn)
Well I don't know what to say about anything anymore, except that I guess it wasn't meant to be. As far as I know, I was with a really great guy who truly was caring. I don't know how things could've gotten better. They didn't, they took a turn for, let's not say worse, but for an unexpected turn. As I was talking to him on my cell phone on Wednesday, I thought things were cool right? But then when he talks all depressive, my heart stared pounding as if this were it. I don't know how at all how everything came down to be like this, but he said it would be better if we remained friends. The thing that struck me, was that he said he wanted my happiness above anything, but I guess he wasn't ready to get into a relationship. I know, I am sure, he cares a lot about me but I cannot find any real explanation as to what is going on?!? But the thing is we talked last night after we let the day pass by. It hurt me so much to talk to him and I did not cry in front of him (like I did all day at school), but I sounded like if I was pissed off and I guess that hurt him as much as me. I mean I could understand where he's coming from. I mean he works, he goes to college, and stays up half the night to finish his homework. I just thought he wanted to take a chance with me, and he still does... but should I be so sure about it? No, I don't think so, for things have changed once more, for the moment we are just real close friends, nothing less, nothing more. I will just remember the good times we had together, which were many. But I will also remember that out of all the guys I've talked to, he was the 1st one to actually break my heart, and to actually make me cry. But trust me, I never ever ever thought I would cry for a guy. But the thing is that it means I actually care(d) about him, which is what bothers me a lot. Did he care about me? I think he did and I think he does!!! But I am very confused about everything that's going on! To me this was a symbol, that I actually, truly did care about him because he changed me in so many ways no one else could have...