I have to agree with this. It's how I personally found BDSM. When I originally got on the internet, I was first fascinated with the ability to research my family tree. When I exhaustd that, a thought flashed through my mind: "what is bdsm?" Somewhere I had heard the term, don't remember how or when. But as I began to find out about it in secular places on the internet, I liked the images, and I liked what the life-style was about in the structure of a relationship. I liked the decadent side of it too in the context of a loving relationship that is. And I liked finding strong born again christians who also liked it, and weren't ashamed of their interest in it. But it isn't something I have talked about to born again christians or anyone else except family and those who have the same interests as I have. And after gaining some experience in it, I know the personal joys of it now, beyond the research. And finding this info in my own home, where no one would question me, gave me the freedom to choose for myself, whether it was something for me or not.
"The other reason BDSM seems to be growing is that a lot of people, mostly men, are what a lady on another bdsm board calls "trolls," guys who say they're Doms or claim to be involved in the lifestyle but are really around just for the sex. Technically, yes, they are part of the bdsm community though these guys don't really identify with the lifestyle. They just want the results of the lifestyle."
Yes they like the results, especially when results come with minimal effort.
"I am going to go out on a limb and say that part of the renewed interest in BDSM IS a reaction to the feminist movement. I don't think that's all there is to it, I just think it's one piece of the puzzle."
You may be right Shula. I'm not a man, so I can't truely address the psyche of a man from a man's point of view, but I'm sure with all the groups arising, not just bdsm, such as DD, Traditional Marriage, D/s etc there seems to be a strong emphasis on getting back to the husband as being the authority figure in the home, and the woman/rest of the family following the leader.
The thing that bothers me greatly is that in so many of these groups, women are seen and talked about by the men as being the one who has all the problems, needs all the help to live the right kind of life, and needs all the discipline and correction. The flaws of women are mostly discussed, and no flaws of men are discussed, rarely if ever. The greater emphasis is on serving his needs, and so little is discussed in her needs being met, and how to do it. In many of these groups, secular and spiritual, I get the impression that many men want a woman who is seen and not heard.
You can certainly see this in some of the personal ads out there on the net, whew, I've seen some doosies. When any sub tries to counteract that kind of attitude, she is seen as being unruly, not submissive, out and out disrespectful, yadda, yadda, or in some other verbal way, told that she will never make it as a sub.
One man who contacted me stated in his profile that he wanted his future sub to have interests of her own, and that he would respect it. But when he saw my profile with me and my former dogs in it, he wrote and advised me to get rid of the dogs so I would have more time to truly devote to a relationship. I think he was afraid that he would have to compete with them for my attention. This man didn't know me, I said nothing about dogs in my profile, this was an interest of mine which would have fit in the category of outside interests, and basically the man lied about how he would respect a sub's outside interests and his desire that she have them. And it was a put down to me to boot. I never responded to the guy, why waste your energy on jerks.
I have also seen alot more women do research in relationships to try to improve them, than men do for the most part. A woman seems to be more readily open to seeking help outside their relationship to improve it, such as counselors, books, etc. than men do. Men generally seem to get bored with working on relationships in that way, or out and out balk at it, while women tend to love discussing it, and discovering new things about it. I don't know why this is.
"The result is men who are utterly afraid to be a dynamic force in a relationship."
Boy that would be nice if men were dynamic forces. I get the impression that this doesn't mean a bad force, but one that is constructive, and that provides a strong, secure foundation in the home. And I'm sure men have a whole list of things they'd like a woman to be too.
"I've specifically run into this problem. It is at its worst among young Christian men because they hear the feminist message in their schools and homes AND they hear that they're supposed to be physically completely hands off with a woman until safely married, a la "I Kissed Dating Good Bye". Christian men of my generation (who are currently 20-30 y/o) are so ineffective at relationships I refused to date them at all for several years! But I digress."
Oh it ain't just your generation, they learned it from those who preceeded them. It saddens me when I see a young man having the same attitude towards women that I used to see adult men have when I was a little girl.
I've shared this story before, but I will never forget when I was 5 years old (47yrs ago), we went to visit my grandmother's sister on her farm. While we were sitting in the kitchen visiting, the sister's husband walked in from outside, and spit tobacco on the clean kitchen floor. I wanted to slug him. Even at five, I saw that he had complete disregard and disrespect for the hard work his wife had put into keeping the floor clean, and in those days there were no swiffers, it was hands and knees with a pail and scrub brush. Grueling work.
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