Not enjoying being dominant, but enjoying the role of submissive and the mindset, I am completely in the dark about what Dominants enjoy about being dominant. I am a leader in certain regards, but my basic nature is to be in a support role. I don't have the emotional & mental capabilities to handle the whole nine yards of those who aspire to obtaining leadership roles. And I have to say that those who do enjoy it, puzzle me sometimes when they find someone who they can dominate and then they get tired of it. Luckily I haven't found too many who get tired of it, but golly if you want a submissive, then let them be submissive, don't expect them to take charge of things, they aren't built that way. Of course they shouldn't be asking you for permission to do everything, but I'm talking about letting them enjoy the characteristics of their role and live it out.
"At one point when I was trying to justify submission to myself"
I don't know why, but I've never had to "justify" submission or bdsm to myself. Maybe because I am not part of a church body anymore in real time. I have no one dumping guilt on me for my interest in proclivities. I just hang around with people of like mind, and get my christian fellowship too.
"BDSM is coming out of the closet so to speak."
"I am seeing it portrayed more and more in TV programs, but still in a bad light sadly."
This is how I was first truly exposed to BDSM, an episode of "Law and Order" in which the apparant suicide (turned out to be a murder if I recall correctly) occured in a pretty hard core S&M dungeon. Course, I didn't know what I was looking at then and was quite repelled by it.
"I am going to go out on a limb and say that part of the renewed interest in BDSM IS a reaction to the feminist movement."
"The thing that bothers me greatly is that in so many of these groups, women are seen and talked about by the men as being the one who has all the problems, needs all the help to live the right kind of life, and needs all the discipline and correction."
I'm actually struggling with this issue right now and if you have any ideas about how to deal with it, I'd be more than welcome to have them. I have a couple bad habits that tend to be noticed frequently and dramatically by M. He focuses so much on my habits that if I even TRY to point out that he's not perfect either, I sound like I'm offering excuses (personally, I try not to excuse my behavior, just something I've been trying to do for several years), whinning, or complaining, which puts the focus even more on me and
being ungrateful. That most of the problems I have with him have to do with his perception of how the female body works makes the issue even more touchy.
"The result is men who are utterly afraid to be a dynamic force in a relationship."
"Boy that would be nice if men were dynamic forces."
What I meant by dynamic force was that a man would be an active participant for good in the relationship. A couple of my boyfriends were utterly passive in their approach, leaving me to do all the planning of dates and then cajoling them into going on the dates. With M now, he does the passive thing a little but not as much and he has a ligit excuse -- a messy commute to and from work.
"Oh it ain't just your generation, they learned it from those who preceeded them. It saddens me when I see a young man having the same attitude towards women that I used to see adult men have when I was a little girl."
My generation of Christians has taken anti-woman to an entirely different level. These young men have respect. They definitly have that. The trouble is, they have SO MUCH respect that they are quite literally afraid to make a move. I remember back when I was dating my first "boyfriend," a surgeon, and yes, we were sexually active (I was 21 at the time), looking at the Christian men in my circle who were all roughly the same age and thinking they're all just little boys. I could see the lack of confidence and sense a sort of fear of women behind all the respect. It got so bad in my community at one point that in the church one of my friends belonged to, a single man would not be caught alone in the kitchen with a single female while the rest of the group was right around the corner in the living room.
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