Why Are We Doing This?
Why? After all there are millions of people there acting as Shoulder to cry on and none of those seem to be complining so why do we seem to have a problem?
That, in fact, is exactly why. because there are millions of Shoulders out there. Millions of tired, hardworking people, who s well as their proper jobs are the people who get called in when thngs go wrong. You would think that people doing thi kind of essential wok would get welltreated for it, right? Thank you`s, hugs, plenty of attention, plenty of making sure they`re all right? In fact with all that attention it must be a pretty nice job?
Think again. Being a shoulder stinks, big time. No kid ever said "When I grow up I wanna be a Shoulder. And there are good reasons for this.
The people who were - unfortnetly for them - going to grow up to be Shoulders had already started their work. If they were anything like me they were also thinking "Boy, this has to get better when you get older. People have to get more rational!" If any of those kids are reading this I got bad news for you. It gets worse
No one wants to be a Shoulder. Oh sure occasionally you get told what a nice person you are but basically it`s well known. The Shoulder is the person who gets all the work. The person who says "Yes, okay, it was my fault" just to sort out trouble. The person who has to tell people who are arguing the truth. The person who doesn`t get time to have a bad day because they`re too busy soting out everyone elses. Why should anyone bother? I mean it`s so obvious hat if you sit back, ignore a situation and don`t do the work... sooner or later a Shoulder will step in and do it for you.
So why do Shoulders do it?
They have this terminal problem. They CARE! You might be able to sit there and ignore the fact tht someone is hurting, you might be able to abandon a friendship becaus of a silly argument, you might be able to blind your eyes to why someone is doing something and simply complain because they are but Shoulders don`t get that choice. The don`t get the option to walk away, turn their backs, and let whatever may happen, happen. One way or another, and for one reason or another that option isn`t available to them. Someone they love is hurting. They have to do their best to help.
And doing what is best for people isn`t always doing what those people want. Sometimes to end an argument you have to tell the truth. Even when it`s not an argument... the truth can be important. Sometimes you have no choice but to say "Yes, that was wrong, but you can make it better."
People don`t want to make it better. They want to be told that they were right, someone else was wrong, and that someon else has to make it better. So then you get phrases like.. "I bet you aren`t saying that to her" .. "It`s all your fault"... and nastiest of all, "At least so-and-so cares about me"
When you would essentially give everything you have in order to make someone happy, and for no other reason than that you`re their friend being told that you don`t care about them comes like a kick in the groin. But you don`t show it... you know they`re hurting so you fix a smile on your face, and keep talking, and soothe wounded feelings until it`s all sorted and they are all happy and fine again... and then you crawl away and cry.
Shoulders do hurt. A lot of the time. It`s the price paid for being Mediators...
You can cut down on that. Only you. The old and normal rules had it in for Shoulders. So now there`s a new rulebook. A new way as to how things should go. Read it. And try your best. We don`t ask miracles... but sometimes a "Thank you" or "Sorry" would be unbelievably welcome..
Thanks
A Shoulder.