Page 2
Thursday January 31st 2008
When the fun and games are over, they sit back and gaze into the sunset together while she repeats the word "beautiful" one too many times for the situation to remain entirely comfortable...
Not quite sure what happened next, she seemed to be off somewhere on her own and the men from off the boat have found Kong having a sleep somewhere I think. Maybe he was having a walk round and their paths just happened to cross, I really can't remember. They all try to shoot him while balanced on a log across a ravine, but Kong shakes the log and they all fall down. He runs away, and we go somewhere else but I can't remember where. Please bear in mind I've been watching for over 2 hours now, so things are bound to get a bit jumbled up. Somewhere around this point we get a great handicap match boss battle involving 3 Tyrannosaurus Rexes Vs Kong and Davros (who turns out to be pretty useless in a fight, only being able to be held in one of Kong's hands providing him with a further handicap). At least I think they were the Tyrannosauruses, excuse me if I'm blending two parts of the film together here... By now there'd been so much going on that I was starting to forgive the shoddy CGI, so this whole battle seemed absolutely immense - at least half of it was fought in mid-air with them all trapped in vines and stuff which was ace. It's probably on Youtube somewhere, go look for it. It's worth it, promise.
Kong wins, and we go and visit the men to see what they're up to at the moment. A couple of them are dying after falling from the tree that was pushed down the ravine, and one of them clenches a load of mud in his fist for no reason. When the ones who don't die all manage to stand up, loads of dinosaur insects come out and attack them. I never liked the sound of insects from history, they're meant to have all been massive - scorpions the size of cars and spiders like planes. But I enjoyed this bit because it was creepy, and it marked the first time in years that I've found two different parts of the same film creepy for different reasons.
Next thing I remember is the men being in a lake or something, with all water monsters attacking them. For some reason I think they were on one of the lifeboats which makes me think they'd gone back to the main ship for some reason, but they probably didn't. They were definitely in some sort of boat at this point though. One man got eaten by a big multi-tentacled worm type thing with teeth on the end of each limb, which looked like a creature on the front of a book I used to have when I was a kid - it was a set of nature books, and I always used to have to leave this one upside down or never look at the front cover when I opened it because the picture proper scared me shitless. I might look for that book next time I go to my folks house and see if it's still as horrible as I remember it being.
One man who I think is meant to be the hero is off somewhere on his own, and somehow happens to climb a mountain which has Kong and Sandra asleep at the top. Before the scene with the men fighting, she was doing more dancing and juggling up the top of the hill so I don't know if that tired her out or if something else happened while we were watching the river monsters. I'm hoping this is one of the gaps that will be filled in when someone eventually makes the worldwide smash XXX hit feature film King Dong. Hero man wakes her up and they hold hands, Kong wakes up and tries to chase him away but gets attacked by big bat-type creatures for no reason. Man and woman run away and get on the little lifeboat, Kong follows and - yes! - gets a bunch of chloroform in the face for his troubles. While they're trying to make Kong fall over, she's trying to get out of the boat and crying and stuff, just to make sure we realise she's formed a humanlike bond with him and all that sort of shite.
The film cuts to a theatre in New York, where our mate Jack Black has opened a show about the 8th Wonder Of The World. Kong is chained up at the back of the stage, a bit of dancing goes on and then a woman comes up from under the stage to be "sacrificed" in the name of public entertainment (in a theatre style, not really sacrificed). Ann Sparrow is meant to be the lead character playing the woman on stage, but she's bottled it and there's some other woman there instead who looks a bit like her. Kong sees her and goes mental because she reminds him of the other piece, and he tears his chains out of the ground and goes off to find the one with the tits that he liked.
Page 3 anyone?