| One Liners The best collection to make your stomach pain while laughing |
| � Santa went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told, it would defeat the purpose.. � Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: They're trying to get away from the noise. � Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now.. � After a dinner speech, the speaker scolded his secretary: "Why did you write such a long speech for me? You saw how those people were feeling bored!" The secretary replied, "Sir, it wasn't a lengthy speech at all; but I did make one mistake- I gave you all 3 copies of the speech.". � If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker. If he is bald at the back, he is sexy. If he is bald from front to back - he thinks he is sexy.. � Q: What's the quietest place in the world? A: The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.. � The biggest seller is cookbooks, and the second is diet books about how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook. � A man is giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He gets a bit carried away and talks for two hours. Finally, he realizes what he is doing and says; "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home." A voice from the back of the room says, "There's a calendar behind you.". � Teacher: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake. Johnny: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.. � A professor was one day walking along a very narrow street when he came face to face with a rival. The street was too narrow for two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily "I never make way for fools!" Smiling, the professor stepped aside and said, "I always do.". |
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