| One Liners The best collection to make your stomach pain while laughing |
| � A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting Flies" he responded. "Oh, killing any?" she asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.". � A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded "When we were first married we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions. And in 60 years of marriage we have never needed to make a major decision.". � A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a twenty dollar bill to a bum." "You gave a bum twenty whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did you husband say about it?" "Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.'. � A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the Police officer. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying for years.". � An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!". � A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution. "Great idea!" the chicken cried. "Let's offer them ham and eggs?" "Not so fast," said the pig testily. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment.". � Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!". � When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.. � Two drunks, Santa and Banta, were walking home along the railway tracks. Banta says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here." The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this hand rail is bloody low down". � Q: Why couldn't the peanut butter cross the road? A: Because there was a traffic jam. |
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