Being an unemployed bum has its high points...I won't elaborate on that because all you need do is imagine the laziest day of your life and multiply that by 3 weeks--that is how long it has been since graduation. No, I'm surprised how well I've filled my time. Like I went to the pool a couple of times last week. Trust me, that turns into an all-day event what with the getting ready to go, showering afterward, sleeping off the sun-induced energy loss, etc. I have also been to the mall too many times. It didn't take long to spend that graduation money...whoops! I've blown the dust off the guitar and re-taught myself to play G A D. I'm on a roll. I drink a lot of coffee and have perfected a new blend of Starbucks and Folgers that tastes better while remaining more economical for my incomeless lifestyle. I've started watching TV less and going to the bathroom more. I gave up checking my email 20 times a day for nail maintenance. In the last three weeks I've led worship for the Edge twice, helped with Jr. High worship once, and Wednesday I'm doing worship for the high schoolers. I plan to help my aunt and uncle pack today and probably tomorrow. There will definitely be some more pool action this weekend followed by cleaning out my car. SO, all in all I have a pretty full life as I think you can see. I guess it depends on your definition of "full." I fill the time but how significantly? Philosophical Questions From the Unemployed - a book I'm writing.
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
Q. What�s brown and sounds like a bell?
A. Dung
RANDOM ACTS OF�INSANITY:
If Tera says, �Owww! You�ve punctured my (fill in the blank)� one more time...alright that�s not the point. The point is that I�m putting my foot down�mostly because I can�t walk if I don�t�but also because I must preserve the ecosystem of my yard. It�s official, Jason, Tera�s boyfriend, is not allowed to visit anymore. For some strange reason, Nashville gives him the urge to cut down trees. People come to Nashville all the time for various reasons: sight-seeing, trying to make it big in Music City, chronic indecision. Jason is the only one I know who comes here to chop stuff up. I would settle for him wanting to visit his girlfriend, but why does he have to bring my yard into it? Granted, it�s one ugly-as-heck yard, but still�it�s mine! The first visit we didn�t have a saw, and buying one was too expensive (so he said). Conclusion: machete�enough said. Two hours and a gigantic hack job later, tree down and massive stump remains. All was forgiven when the leaves began to grow again, and I had to concede that it was nice to be able to see the sidewalk. However, when I returned from my 4 months of gallivanting across the country to find a mountain of foliage on one side of the yard and one lone stick topped with a tuft of bush on the other side, I made my decision to buy an electric fence and lock a collar on Jason in his sleep. Okay, Tera just yelled, �Owww! You punctured my knee!� That�s it, she�s getting a collar too.
QUOTE CORNER:
Because I�ve neglected to write in months, and this newsletter has now become semi-annual instead of monthly, the quotes have multiplied, thus making the �Quote Corner� more of an entire room. But because I know you�ll love them (and I just couldn�t bear to weed some of them out), here they all are:
�Just because your kids were born in the South doesn�t make them Southerners. After all, if a cat had kittens in the oven, that wouldn�t make them biscuits.� -Anonymous
�Of course I know what the transfiguration was. That�s when they transfigurlized themselves and came down to earth.� -guy in choir
�We�re like two ticks without a dog.� -Eric F.
�When I�m interviewing someone, I�m looking for someone who plays well with others�and doesn�t run with scissors.� -Prof. Woodard
�It�s just a stupid speaker teaching everybody to be gay. We have to do these discussion gay activities�gay!� -Tera C.
�I hate the Braves; they�re like the Clear Channel of baseball.� -Jonah L.
�Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life�which won�t be long.� -Terry Pratchett
�The word �Dad� makes me crap.� -Brandon B.
CONVERSATION OF THE MONTH:
�I look like a slob�
�It�s okay. So does he.�
�What?�
�Oh, nothing. She was just talking about things that remind her of gay people.�
DEEP THOUGHTS:
� If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.
� If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
WORDS FROM THE WISE:
Friends make the world go round, don�t they? They are always there to laugh with you or cry with you or point and laugh at you while you�re crying, but no matter what I know I can always count on them to be the �light in the darkness.� Like when they call me stupid and stuff. I really love that. Or when they make fun of my hair. Doesn�t get much better than that. But I think my favorite is just when I�m having the worst day of my life, I know that I can call them and they�ll remind me of how this couldn�t be the worst day of my life because �remember that time when you fell down the stairs and threw your books on the football team� or �what about when you ran into that pole with your car� or �man, you hit that barbed wire fence hard�I�ve never seen someone do so many summersaults!� And that�s what friends are for�just when you�ve fallen down, they kick you. Any old sap can be encouraging or uplifting or blah blah blah. It takes a true friend to tell you to �shut up and take it�oh, and by the way, you smell really bad today.�
Moral: Do unto other what you would have them do to you. In other words, I hate you all.
