It was Sarah�s 23rd birthday on Saturday, so keeping with tradition, we went to Tin Roof. We got there early before the ridiculous crowds poured in (as they always do�even on weeknights), so all was well in the mingling area. Ironically we stumbled upon a guy we had met on Sarah�s birthday the year before. We remembered him�name and all, and after some chatting he began to recall meeting us. He even remembered Sarah�s last name, which I said brought him up a notch in my book. He seemed pleased until I told him not to get too excited. After all, it had been a year and that was only one notch. We all laughed and he said I was funny, so battle won. Then we move on to the next random group of guys�or should I say, they move on to us, or even more accurately, on to Sarah. So we�re all talking and dancing and whatnot when one of the guys starts explaining how he has �G-A-M-E� (seriously, he spelled it out like that and everything), so I made some sarcastic comment, as usual�something like, �You spelled that wrong. I could have sworn you said G instead of L.� So they all laughed, and I chalked up my second victory. Then came the �You�re funny�I like you already.� Now I�m thinking, �Nice, Brittany, way to pigeonhole yourself into the category of �the funny friend� yet again! It�s only a short distance from here to the �your friend is cute� category. Why!� Oh, and I got there. Alas, it�s another lesson learned. I�m not sure if that lesson involves me in any way, but I did manage to avoid Paul, the weirdo, on whom all humor was completely lost�so maybe being �the funny one� isn�t such a bad thing just so long as you have a cute friend to get you free stuff.
JUST A THOUGHT:
I have come to the conclusion that the weirder people are, the better taste they have. I only say this out of a pure naivety that I must believe this is true. They say opposites attract, but I have to wonder, who is this mysterious �they� and why are they always saying things? If it wasn�t for �they,� I think life would be a whole lot simpler because we wouldn�t have a bunch of ridiculous clich�s forcing us to analyze and define the indefinable. We could just accept that I have a power that is beyond comprehension. But like any good power, I don�t understand the extent of it, I usually wish I didn�t have it, and if I could harness its energy, I could destroy a small country. As for now, we (me and they) will remain content knowing that in this world of poopheads (pardon the explicitness), a nice person attracts like a moth to a flame. So although few and far between, those that still exist will win the bedraggled�weirdoes and all.
YOURS:
Here�s a series of emails from my mom. The apple doesn�t fall far from the tree, huh?!
I look terrible today. I'm wearing a blouse that looks as though it has been run over by a truck, my makeup looks as though a truck painter did it and my hair is a truck.
I had a REALLY tough life lesson today. I got up too late to get ready. When I was flying out the door, I noticed my handbag did not match my (trucky) outfit and I had no time to change it. That's not even the worst part. The worst part is that I HAD the perfect handbag for the outfit and no time to change into it! . . . . . . . . that's harsh. . .
MY SISTER THE RETARD:
Blake leaves in a week to go back to Powell where she starts her RA job. That�s right; Blake is an RA this year. Does that scare anyone else, or is it only me? Looking at the evidence I don�t have high hopes for Blake being the primary rule-enforcer. The biggest mystery of all is how she got the job even after the role-play fiasco. One of the steps in the application process was a �scenario screening.� There were a series of rooms where a real-life scenario took place, and the applicants had to handle the situation. Blake�s first room had two girls fighting, and she wisely suggested they �duke it out and see who falls first.� She was told that, generally, encouraging the fight is not the best solution. Little did they know this was only the beginning of Blake�s infinite wisdom. The second room held an underage party complete with open containers. My favorite part of this story involves Blake running around the room trying to �confiscate� a boy�s beer. She was again informed that sometimes the best option is not to chase the drunk kid. Somehow after all of that, the committee concluded that Blake was a good choice. Makes you wonder a little about the other candidates, doesn�t it! The icing-on-the-cake part of the whole incident is that, rather than suffer the humiliation of running into that drunk-boy actor as most would, Blake got herself a date! We�ve now settled the question of a parallel universe.
SAY WHAT?!:
I finally locked myself out of my house. I say finally because it was only a matter of time. I�ve locked myself out of every place I�ve lived except this one�until now. Of course it was the worst day to do it too because Tera was out of town for the weekend, and our landlord didn�t have a new key. The only lucky thing was that I did have my car keys, which ended up doing me no good since no gas station has a yellow pages. As I was sitting in my car at the Tigermart on hold with the 5th incompetent locksmith I had called, three little boys rode their bikes up to my car. The smallest of the three said, �Hey, do you want me to wash that bird poop off your car?� I mustered up a smile in the midst of my annoyance with the whole situation and told him I�d get it later. He said, �Are you sure? It looks pretty gross.� When I refused again, he came right up to the window, whipped out a fire cracker, lit it, and threw it behind him without ever losing eye contact with me. It blew up in the air, and without skipping a beat, he said, �That�s the way I roll.� With that he and his little friends pedaled away. I sat there in momentary disbelief that the whole thing had actually happened. When I determined that it had, I started laughing so hard. Now, my only annoyance was that no one was there to share the whole event because I knew I could never retell the story even close to as awesome as it was. God always does stuff like that to me. Just when I start to get irritated with life, something so random happens that it almost makes the crappy situation worth it. �That�s the way I roll.�
OTHER NEWS:
Check out the photo gallery at the EExcess website www.geocities.com/shnozzberry
You just might find yourself on it! I don�t ask permission for these things. Fortunately for me, you can�t sue me. If you will recall in the contract I had you sign when you agreed to be my friend, there is a clause that states that by your association with me, I have the right to publish anything you say or do �including, but not limited to, actions of stupidity, embarrassing quotes, photographs,�� This clause appears after the section on compensation. For those of you who are confused right now, that means you are currently my friend for free�and everyone wiser is laughing at you.
SIGN OFF:
-brit