Today in the elevator there were two separate posters announcing canceled classes due to instructor�s illness. The posters looked identical even down to the class times. In fact, the only difference was the names: Dr. Hodgins and Mrs. Armstrong. Am I the only one who finds this suspicious? Let�s do a bit of deductive reasoning (that�s the kind of thing they teach us to do in Strategic Management), shall we: Two instructors who just happen to teach classes at exactly the same time on exactly the same day; one is a man and one is a woman; both are �sick� on this same day that they both have class at the same time. Do I sense some foul play? Okay okay, let�s give them the benefit of the doubt and say they both really are sick. What are the odds that they would both be sick on the same exact day and same exact time unless they were exposed to the disease in the same instance? Possible, yes. Unlikely, bigger yes. A detective I am not, but extremely wise and intuitive I am�trust me, it�s been said.
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
Q: What is green, has wheels, and grows from the ground?
A: Grass�I was lying about the wheels
RANDOM ACTS OF�INSANITY:
Look out, winter Olympics, here I come. Keeping with tradition, Blake and I took our annual skiing adventure over Christmas break. I always wonder what could possibly happen to top the last year, but I realize now that I will never be disappointed. This year was no exception, especially not for me. I decided to be brave and take some risks (which I decide every year just before I get to the top, look down at the run, and come to my senses). Well, really, I just wanted to keep up with Blake for once. The second day I was doing great. I managed to go down some pretty tough stuff, including finally mastering Big Silver�hold the applause, please. I had even forgotten the Superman incident from the first day where I flew through the air landing facedown in a belly flop fashion. So, thinking I�m hot stuff now, I tell Blake to challenge me�mistake. So she takes me down Bigfoot�now, I had seen the end of this run in passing, and it didn�t look too bad. Foolish foolish Brittany. I start down the treacherous run, and I�m actually not doing half bad, but it�s slow going, and my leg muscles are about to give out from the moguls. I take a bad turn and give into the fall. I fall forward so that my head is facing down the run, and I�m dragging my skis trying to stop myself. Mid-fall I have a thought that if one of my skis comes off, I�m going to have to hike all the way back up to get it, and that just isn�t worth it to me. So I roll onto my stomach, stick my skis in the air, and keep sliding, all the while looking down the mountain at Blake and smiling. Once I finally come to a stop, I look back up the run to find that there is no more snow on it because it�s all in my pants. I stand up and try to shake it out as Blake lays in a heap on the ground convulsing from laughter. Let�s just say that was the beginning of the end because it was all downhill from there (no pun intended). Sigh, always an adventure.
QUOTE CORNER:
�He�s like a loner vampire�and that�s hot!� �Tera C.
�Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.� �Mel Brooks
�Your eye smells like fruitloops.� �Blake E.
DEEP THOUGHTS:
� You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.
� Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
WORDS FROM THE WISE:
Sometimes I think that writing songs is a curse because they come out at the oddest times about the oddest things. My mom still loves to tell the story of my first �big hit,� which was about the little fry kid toys that used to come in Happy Meals. I think the big finish was something profound like, �Oh oh oh oh fry kids!� I have found that songs work quite well as pneumonic devices for remembering things. It really does work except that my teachers and fellow classmates don�t quite appreciate the value of humming during tests. Well, a few weeks ago when I was in Billings, my mom asked Blake and me to get some things from the store for her. Rather than be boring and normal and write it down, I decided to make a little song to remember the items. The song basically consisted of me repeating the line, �Milk, bread, sliced cheese, mar-ga-rine,� with the emphasis on different words each time. As we walked through the store, I sang the song as Blake picked out each thing in aggravation. After a while, the song got old (okay, so it got old after the first time, but whatever), so I decided to add a pirate voice to the mix. I think that�s when Blake�s aggravation turned to anger because when we couldn�t find the cheese, rather than help her look I stood in the aisle yelling, �Arg! Where be the sliced cheese!� All was not lost, though, because we not only found the sliced cheese, but I made it to Blake�s quote of the day!
Moral: Arg! The sliced cheese be thar behind the milk, me lad.
THE DATING GAME:
Hello the �go between!� Pardon me for not appreciating your subtlety�or your breath for that matter. Mint? All right, so I understand we long to be kids at heart, but there are some things from Jr. High that we need to release. Like the after-gym-class-someone-likes-you conversations for instance. These have progressed to the more mature coffee-shop-are-you-interested-in-(fill in the blank) conversations. Those of you who view that last part as an upgrade are the ones I�m worried about. Let�s step it up, people, and be bold. I know it�s hard in this passive aggressive mold we�ve created (especially for males it would seem), but we�re big kids now; we should do what big kids do. And I�ll tell ya, they don�t send a buffer first, they jump right in without testing the waters, come what may. Sometimes the water is nice and warm, and sometimes it�s frickin freezing and you pass out, but hey, life�s tough�suck it up.
MY SISTER THE RETARD:
My parents bought my sister a camcorder for Christmas, which seemed like a good idea at the time I�m sure, but little did they know that gift would haunt us for years to come. We always had to be watching our backs because you never knew when you�d turn around and see a little blue camera peeking at you from around the corner. However, some worthwhile footage was also obtained. Like Blake�s �suicide attempts� when we went sledding. Blake concluded that it would be smart to lie down in the middle of the hill and beckon everyone to try to run over her with their sleds. Of course we were more than willing to participate in this experiment. One after the other everyone lined up to see who could smash my beloved sister the hardest, as she counted off: �Suicide attempt number one�!� I hit her head-on, which bumped me off the sled, and I landed sitting on top of her. Shane nailed her good too�I think his did the most damage because she didn�t last long after that. I think she made it to six before giving up. Sure she lost a finger and had a charley horse for the better part of a week, but the good news is it�s all on tape, thanks to Pops and Lovely Mother.
