Once upon a time I was perfectly content being assumed average. I sat in the back row with the troublemakers and the cut-ups, and no one bothered me. I did my homework and studied for the tests and received my slightly above average grades. Life was grand. Then one fateful day, I got an A on the Management Accounting test and all of that changed. Suddenly I am being singled out right and left. �What do you have for that one, Brittany?� �Brittany, tell us your answer.� �How about I let Brittany take over teaching this class from now on since she basically does anyway because I call on her for ever stinking answer!� Genius she said�some people in our class are geniuses. Why did she have to look at me! They think I don�t hear those sighs or see their rolling eyes when I get the answer right. I find myself trying to look distracted when she asks if anyone knows the answer�because I do, and it will be right�it�s always right. I was happy not liking her, and I had found a comfort in my self-pity. But now�now everything is different. It�s tough being right all the time. It�s tough being the teacher�s favorite. It�s tough being a genius. I never thought I�d say this but Management Accounting and good ol� Beverly have changed me. Life will never be the same again. The End.
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When his work was finally done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground. "I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted. "So what," said a little girl, "I'm four."
RANDOM ACTS OF�INSANITY:
Picture this: You�ve just won the newly-legalized Tennessee lottery, which is now up to $1 billion. This happens only seconds before you receive a phone call from MCA offering you a recording contract. Before you have time to hang up the phone after your emphatic acceptance of the offer, there is a knock at the door�all of your best pals from home are standing in the doorway holding a huge triple layer chocolate cake. You open your mouth to invite them in, but your words are interrupted by a shrieking BEEP�BEEP�BEEP BEEP BEEP���
Unfortunately, this scenario was not staged for this newsletter. It was an all too true reality for me a mere 3 weeks ago when I was awoken from my peacefully dreamy slumber to the obnoxious scream of the fire alarm. Still in shock I ran into the living room�neglecting to check the doorknob for heat�luckily, there was no sign of fire. I took this opportunity to run back into my possibly flaming room to grab sweatpants and shoes. It was then that I realized my roommate had still not emerged from her bedroom. I stood pondering weather or not she may be burning to death and what I should do about that when she stumbled out in her underwear looking a bit confused. In the mixture of excitement at seeing her alive and panic at picturing our burning bodies I screamed, �What�s going on!� She obviously knew as much as I did and chose not to respond. She calmly put some pants on and followed me to the parking lot. When I opened the door and discovered ours was not the only alarm sounding, my panic moved immediately into annoyance. This annoyance escalated to anger when I looked at the time of 2am and remembered my test at 8am. But this was not the end: the anger progressed to rage when the police officer informed us that some pranksters had been pulling alarms all night. At this point I wished the building were on fire because I was standing outside in the cold for no good reason�craving chocolate cake.
QUOTE CORNER:
�I would know; I worked in retail.� �Tayler P.
�I projectile vomited.� �Austin H.
"It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.� �G. B. Burgin
DEEP THOUGHTS:
I saw a butterfly today. It was pretty, but it kept flying in my face so I got angry with it. Too bad because I feel like we could have been good friends if it just would have given me some space. Nothing's worse than a clingy butterfly. �Me
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
WORDS FROM THE WISE:
Sarah enjoys my terror. I have come to realize this awful truth through various experiences, one of which I will share with you now. She cooked hamburgers for us a few nights ago. The meat was frozen, so she thawed it in the microwave. It was in there for so long that one of the corners partially cooked. This section became it�s own patty by default, and when Sarah was trying to cook it in the skillet the processed meat look would not go away. If you�ve ever seen raw hamburger meat in the package, you know it looks like a bunch of red worms stuck together. Although the hamburger was now brown, the �worms� were still disgusting. Sarah began to talk to me with one of the wormy pieces, so I ran into my room before I lost control of my stomach acid. In a few minutes she yelled for me to come back to the kitchen. When I saw the mischievous look on her face I knew she had done something and it was not going to be good for me. I looked around suspiciously, but when I didn�t see anything she said, �The ketchup has something to say to you.� I looked over at the ketchup bottle on the table, and there was the charred, shriveled hamburger worm sitting on the lid looking right at me. I screamed a blood-curdling scream and hurled the disgusting larva out the front door. It didn�t take long for our neighbor to peek his head in and make sure we weren�t being murdered, but when I explained the situation I could see the horror begin to rise within him. So, we didn�t eat that hamburger.
The moral: One good turn deserves another. Actually, this isn�t the moral�yet! Roommate beware (dun dun dun).
THE DATING GAME:
The polls are in, and we will now discover �Who Should Make the First Move�
I feel that in the event of a "move" it should be performed by none other than that of the opposite gender. Whether one claims to be a male or female being, one should not stress their mind in ponderance as to whether the other being takes a liking to them or not. In words other than these previous, do not perform the first "move" regardless of your sex, because love is for sick buffoons.
Guys should make the first move because society taught it to us that way.
I think the man should make the first move.
[My friend] thinks that the more outgoing of the couple should make the first move and I think that's a pretty good answer, but I still kinda think it should be the guy!
Guys should attempt to make the first move, girls are self conscious enough, and if they're like me they over analyze the whole thing. One thing they definitely should not do is have their friends come up and introduce themselves to you and say "I want you to meet my friend, he's shy and thinks you're cute/hot/pretty."
I vote that guys make the first move all the way. [My boyfriend] agrees with me too.
The guy, because if they were ever asked out their heads would be so big you couldn't take them anywhere with the fear that it might pop.
The masses have spoken. I count 7 for the guy making the first move, 1 for either the girl or the guy, and 1 for neither because love is for sick buffoons. Sure, my mailing list consists of mainly females, and most of the responses I got were from females, oh and only 9 people responded, but majority is majority. Therefore, you better clean up your act guys because it�s all on you.
