Paper airplanes are taken for granted far too often. What used to be titled a junior high immaturity has now become a fine art. Of course its construction has been upgraded significantly to meet college lever criteria, however, the final objective remains the same: 1. To waste as much time as possible while in class 2. To annoy the teacher/professor 3. To make the other students laugh and, therefore, gain peer approval. Have you ever realized how many different types of airplanes one can create with limited knowledge of much else? I suppose I never mastered the technique of paper airplane design, but I have seen some fantastic flyers since I have been here. Don�t quote me on this, but I�m sure I overheard one of the department heads discussing the new addition of a Paper Airplane Architecture degree to the fine arts department. Regardless of its appearance or superiority, one thing remains true throughout paper airplane history: There is no greater feeling than finishing a work and sitting back as it soars through the air into the back of the teacher�s head, then watching him whirl around in realization that this classroom no longer belongs to him.
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. Even when he wasn't on a hunger strike he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was quite a spiritual person. Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath. He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
RANDOM ACTS OF�INSANITY:
Everyone has experienced stress at some point in his/her life, and everyone has dealt with that stress in a unique way. Rhiann chose to cope with her stress with hysteric screams in the center of campus. I walked up behind her as she was finishing her ranting to some imaginary person. She immediately began to unload on me about how �We have the social on Saturday night, so I know I won�t get to bed early and I have to work at 7 a.m. on Sunday and then I have a basketball game at 2 and then I have to meet with a study group that night!� I told her to calm down and everything would be fine. Then I made the mistake of asking if she was on her way home. She threw her hands in the air and said, �No! I still have class! And now I have to go take a test that I didn�t study for because I was up talking to you!� I tried to comfort her by telling her to take it one day at a time, but she interrupted me and yelled, �And, I need to go to Walmart and get toothpaste BUT I DON�T HAVE TIME!!� I gave her a snowball and told her to throw it as hard as she could. I don�t know if it helped her, but after seeing her throw, I know I never have to fear getting in a snowball fight with her.
QUOTE CORNER:
�A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.� �Bill Cosby
DEEP THOUGHTS:
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
WORDS FROM THE WISE:
Every Tuesday I have a voice seminar class, which is a time for all of the voice students in the department to meet and sing for one another. Sounds like a blast, huh. (I�m being sarcastic by the way). I hadn�t sung yet this semester, and we are required to sing at least four times, so I figured I might as well sing this day and get it over with. I was rather nervous because, to be perfectly honest, I didn�t know my song very well, and the girl singing before me blew everyone�s socks of with her beautiful Italian aria (it sounded even more beautiful when I looked down at the title of my song��Baubles, Bangles, and Beads��enough said). After one sings, as if that isn�t pressure enough, one gets to be critiqued by the other students and teachers, and while this was going on I spaced out. I don�t really remember what I was thinking, probably because what happened next consumes the majority of my memory of that day. Out of nowhere I burped! Not just a little unnoticeable one either. I belched! It didn�t hit me immediately that I had actually done it until I looked around and everyone was laughing. Suddenly, I was mortified that I had just cut my bodily functions loose in front of these people whom I didn�t even know. I apologized repeatedly, and explained that I really wasn�t a crude person. Someone in the back yelled, �That was awesome!� which only made everyone erupt. Finally, when the girl singing and the teacher could gather themselves enough to continue, the laughter died down while I sat wallowing in my own humiliation. I decided I would not sing that day because I had suffered enough. I told the girl after me that she could go ahead and she politely said, �I�ll sing if you promise not to burp during my song!�
Moral: Carbonation in; Carbonation out!
BRITTANY�S THOUGHTS ON FORWARDED MESSAGES:
Listen, I really appreciate that now instead of just sending me a forward you include a sneaky subject like, �This is so hilarious!� or �Sorry for the mass e-mail but you have to check this out!� or something along those lines. Some of you have just taken to warning me in advance that you did in fact send me a forward, but it is justified in that it was so funny you�crapped your drawers, died laughing, cried, etc. etc. I�m proud of you, really I am, but let�s take it one step further and cut out that little Fwd. that appears before the subject because I�m smarter than you think. Next we�ll work on eliminating the messages completely, but for now�..baby steps.
MY SISTER THE RETARD:
Have you ever been around those people who really like to tell funny stories but just can�t seem to manage it? I know I have�for twenty years of my existence. Nobody loves a good story like Blake, especially when she is the narrator. Unfortunately, she gets lost in the whole chronology of events. She�ll begin the story so that you think it�s going to be a quick one until you hear the fateful words, �Oh wait! I forgot�� then you know you�re in for the long haul. She will then proceed to take you back to the previous day when someone said one word, which somehow ties into the point of the story, which is inevitably forgotten when she again remembers that the one word doesn�t make any sense unless she tells you about last week when someone else sang a song pertaining to the one word, which somehow ties into the point of the story. I have found that if I write down everything she says and arrange it backwards I can usually keep up. I suppose it could be an endearing quality if it didn�t always seem to happen when I tell her I need to hang up the phone. Normal people would say goodbye, but as we all know, we are not dealing with normalcy when it comes to Blake. She says, �Guess what! Today I was walking down the hall�oh wait, I forgot to tell you that last week I saw this girl with a red dress, and she said�oh wait, I forgot that last year I fell down and scraped my knee and then�oh wait, I forgot����
SAY WHAT?!:
Never trust a salesman. I guess this statement has become common sense in this day and age, but I got to experience it first-hand while looking for a CD player for my car. We went to Best Buy first because they had the most variety (plus, that�s where my dad wanted to go and since he was the one buying it, that�s where we went). The kid that talked to us there of course pointed out all the great things about the ones we were looking at��the face closes so it looks a lot cleaner on your dash without the flashy buttons. Also, the removable face is a plus because it keeps car thieves from stealing it.��He went on and on about the millions of extra features, most of which I didn�t understand. I wanted to interrupt and say, �Does it play CD�s? Good, I�ll take it.� But I figured that might destroy the effect of my dad�s I�m-only-half-way-interested-so-get-my-attention face. Best Buy couldn�t install it for us that day, so we decided to try Good Vibrations. Now this dude knew how to sell. He started rattling off statistics, features, and comparative prices left and right. He was showing me a specific one, and I asked if it had a removable face. He said, �No, but those are pretty pointless anyway because a car thief can get a face anywhere. If something is going to get stolen it will regardless of one missing part.� That sure was reassuring. I told him I was still interested in the one at Best Buy and asked if they would still install it. He told me they would, but it probably wouldn�t get done that day because the people that actually buy things there get top priority (can you believe that madness!). At that moment, as if fate decided to step in, my dad walked in. Turns out the instillation manager knew my dad, so my dad asked him the exact same question to which he replied, �Sure thing! I�ll put you at the top of the list.� I turned and smiled a ha-ha kind of smile at the salesman and walked out. I learned a valuable lesson about salesmen that day: You don�t have to know what you�re doing or what they are talking about because the world is really all about who you know.
SIGN OFF:
Have a great Spring Break everyone, and for those of you who don�t get a break, we pity you.
-brit
