When you hear the words Western Civilization, what do you think of? Do you think of early Europe back when Martin Luther was changing religion and society in England? Do you think of Galileo and Newton introducing new scientific concepts, forever changing people�s view of the world? Do you think about the French revolution and Napoleon? How about the Russian revolution and the Bolsheviks? War? Maybe Hitler and the oppression of the Jews is what first comes to mind. Regardless of what it is you think of (or don�t as seems to be the way with most Americans), I�m sure a man with blue eyes, curly hair, and a southern accent isn�t your first image. I have come to the conclusion that I am cursed�to never enjoy History again�because of one such man. Forget that I know the 95 theses like the back of my hand; Galileo�s theories and how they intertwine with Newton�s; how and why the French revolution came about; detail after detail about the Russian revolution; the minute trivia behind war upon war; and more than I ever wanted to know about Hitler and his rise to power, beliefs, platform, actions, influence, cruelty, etc.; Because none of that matters unless you remember that the causes and consequences were �political more than religious!� Okay, Mr. Curly, I�ll give you a break. I mean you did mention about half a million times the political effects of each point�oh no wait, you didn�t! I, however, am not bitter about the utterly and completely undeserved C+ I received from a heartless, witless (yes, I said it), jerk, who knows more about beer, handstands, and stitches than he does about teaching history! So don�t worry because on top of not being bitter, I am definitely not one to hold grudges�or write songs about them.
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
An airplane with 4 people on it -- the pilot, a minister, the smartest man in the world, and a boy scout--starts to go down. There are only 3 parachutes. The pilot says, "I'm the most important man on this plane because I can report the crash." So he takes a parachute and jumps off. The smartest man in the world says, "I'm the second most important man on this plane because my head is so full of important knowledge." So he takes a parachute and jumps off." The minister says, "Go ahead, lad, and take the last parachute. I'm old and ready to die." The boy scout says, "That won't be necessary, sir.� The minister answers, �Oh, sonny, what a brave boy you are, but really�� The boy scout interrupts the minister and explains, �No, you see, the smartest man in the world just jumped off the airplane with my backpack!�
RANDOM ACTS OF�INSANITY:
Robin and I went to Target in search of some random essentials. While looking around the store, Robin spotted a Sponge Bob Squarepants costume in the kids� section. If you aren�t familiar with Sponge Bob, he�s a character in a great Nickelodeon cartoon, who, as you can guess, is a square-shaped sponge. We both agreed that the costume looked big enough to fit her, but as soon as she got it half way on, it became clear that it was not. With much effort on both our parts we got the costume on her. It looked more like Sponge Bob baby tee than Squarepants, so we were faced with a problem�getting it off. She stuck her arms in the air while I pulled on the costume. I got it over her head, but that�s as far as it would come. I continued to pull on the costume as she ran around in circles behind me. I started laughing so hard that I was really no help, and Robin stood in the middle of the isle yelling and flailing her arms about. While this was going on an old couple walked by staring intently at the two of us. They looked horrified as the man steered the woman away from �those crazies.� I�m not sure how she ever got the costume off of her, but she did, and it�s forever recorded in our brains (and the loggie!).
QUOTE CORNER:
�Where�s my tard?!� �midget pimp
�Noah is like the little retarded brother who has got the flipper arm�.� �Matt S.
DEEP THOUGHTS:
To me boxing is like a ballet, only there is no music and the dancers hit each other.
WORDS FROM THE WISE:
Two weekends ago, we had our sorority Fall Party. It�s a costume party that the new girls plan every year. This year the theme was Hoots, Horns, and Halos. My date and I decided to go as Hells Angels�attempting to be original. The day of the party rolled around, and I got a call from him saying that he can�t find anything that will work for Hells Angels, but he �found something�.� I told him just to get it because we didn�t have to match. He was very excited to hear this�a little too excited, so I asked what it was exactly. All he said was, �It�s a devil�Mexican style.� Needless to say I had no idea what that meant and was picturing some sort of imp with a sombrero. However, nothing could have prepared me for the truth. I went to his apartment to pick him up, but no one was answering the door. As I stood there trying to figure out what I had gotten wrong in the directions, I heard someone yell my name. I turned around and running down the street was a little red can of salsa with horns yelling my name. Yes, it was my date. I could hardly contain my laughter enough to answer his roommates who were asking me if I liked what they had done. After some pushing and shoving by his roommates and me, we got him into my car, and off we went to the party. Although no one really understood the connection (including myself), he was the hit of the party. Moral: Never underestimate the power of a devil in disguise, and really never try to comprehend it.
THE DATING GAME:
The other day I was pondering�okay, so actually I was trying to find something to ponder so that I could avoid doing theory for another hour. In those moments of procrastination I had a thought: �Wouldn�t it be interesting to know what all we, as women, go through for men.� Lucky for me, I live in a sorority house with 35 other girls, and the answer to this question was at my fingertips. I thought I would share a bit of what I found out. Enjoy
�Shaved from the ankle to the thigh instead of just the knee.�
�I brought out the hairdryer and the curling iron on the same day!�
�I always wear tighter clothes�you never know!�
�I ate a lot of pineapple and avoided tomatoes.�
�I read an entire book because he talked about it once.�
�Shaved my bikini line.�
�I learned how to juggle once.�
�Wore my most cleavage-revealing shirts.�
�Learned all the music of Bob Marley and did a report on it.�
As you can see the names have been removed to protect the innocent (and the not so innocent). Now you men know what we go through for you. If nothing else you should be flattered that we would go to such extremes for your attention. If you have a special girl, do her a favor and appreciate the little things. If you are the special girl, don�t try too hard, they�re just boys.
BRITTANY�S THOUGHTS ON FORWARDED MESSAGES:
Okay, people, you asked for it. I thought I had made my point, but apparently you have forgotten how I feel about junk (yes, that�s right) mail because it has only gotten worse since I nixed this column. For those of you who don�t know or have fallen into the trap of thinking that you will actually lose friends if you neglect to follow the orders at the bottom of the messages, I do not like forwards, in any shape or fashion. It is my opinion that a friend lost over a forwarded message is a friend not worth having. Here�s the L D: I don�t care if it is hilarious, poignant, or life changing. I don�t read them, I don�t want them, don�t send them. And for the record, a pack of wild dogs really isn�t going to rip out your eyes and eat you whole if you delete a forward.
