You know you're a college student if:
1. Going to the bathroom becomes a favorite pastime.
2. The word "food" becomes a relative term.
3. If your class started 20 minutes ago, you're "running late."
4. You're happy when you can scrounge up 99 cents in nickels and dimes between you and 3 friends to rent a movie.
5. 5-dollar pizza night is a novelty.
6. You've actually taken money out of the wishing fountain-and been proud of yourself for being so resourceful.
7. There is no such thing as "a school night."
8. Early morning classes start at 10.
9. It starts getting late at 1am.
10. You could personally relate to at least 3 of these.
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
Q. What did the Chinese parents name their retarded son?
A. Sum Ting Wong
RANDOM ACTS OF.INSANITY:
I have come to the conclusion that knowledge makes people paranoid. I mean, sure there are lots of good things about knowledge as well, but this paranoia thing is definitely a reality. For example, the other day Tawnya had a bad headache. I suggested she take something to stop the pain. She explained to me that she didn't like taking pills. At the time, this did not seem abnormal to me. After all, I don't really like taking pills unless I absolutely have to. However, after she mentioned her terrible headache for the 5th time that day, I new that her pill phobia had to be dealt with. I offered her some of my ibuprofen and told her that she would feel better in 15 minutes. She looked at me as if she were absolutely appalled and asked, "Are you trying to kill my immune system?!" I laughed and tried to explain to her that taking one pill was not going to destroy her immune system, which obviously wasn't working very well on its own anyway. She refused to listen saying that "it had been proven," and that "she was not about to hurt her immune system." I started to tell her how much better she would feel, but she interrupted me yelling, "Killer!!" Needless to say, her headache did not go away for quite some time. This just feeds into my theory that knowledge makes people paranoid. Seriously, people, I'm all about learning, but let's not get carried away!
QUOTE CORNER:
"You must be in constant conflict with your body." -Bent L
DEEP THOUGHTS:
Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
WORDS FROM THE WISE:
Ya know that thing choir directors always say? You know, the one about if you're going to make a mistake, make it a big one? Yeah.that's a retarded saying! I mean, take the time I forgot to check my blind spot, for example-mistake!! And the time I threw my dad's new remote control across the room-mistake!! Oh yeah, and we mustn't forget the time I looked outside at the falling snow and thought, "I'll be okay with my dock martins today"-big mistake!! These don't begin to scratch the surface of the massive mistakes I've made in my life, and I'm really not proud of them in any way. I honestly don't think I would be more proud of them if they were bigger either. However, as always, a lesson can be derived from this. I'm sure most, if not all, of you will agree that the moral of the story is without a doubt this: choir directors don't get out much, and, therefore, don't frequently reap the consequences of such statements as this, and if they do get out, they have obviously been misinformed as to the correct definitions of "mistake" and/or "big" and, as a result, have no authority to be uttering such ridiculous words...or they're just stupid.
THE DATING GAME:
Ten signs of a bad date:
1. The topic of his/her ex continually finds it's way into the conversation.
2. He shows up at your door with a bicycle and an extra helmet.
3. She asks you if there is lipstick on her teeth more than once-and there is.
4. He/She insists his/her second personality come along on the date.
5. The conversation doesn't progress beyond flatulence.
6. She breaks out her list of future children's names.
7. He looks at his muscles more than you.
8. Every sentence he says ends with, "Ya know, babe!"
9. The only time she has stopped talking is when she is eating.oh no, wait.she didn't even stop then.
10. The evening ends with, "Well, I'm going to jail tomorrow, so I probably won't see you for a while."
MY SISTER THE RETARD:
My sister picks up guys like nobody's business. Unfortunately, they are usually really old or psychotic. Like the old guy standing in his front yard who whistled at her and the pretended he didn't do anything. Or the car full of guys who drove by her roller blading and honked a few times. I'm not even going to start with the kid at the pool who kept screaming that he was a girl but then decided he'd rather like my sister. I think the best one of all is the time Blake was going to walk the dog. She begged me to come with her because she didn't want to get honked at or whistled at, and I guess she figured that if I were along, that wouldn't be a problem. I refused to go explaining that that wouldn't happen if she didn't walk down 32nd because the other streets aren't a busy. Finally, she left without me. She returned out of breath about 15 minutes later. She ran up to me and told me the story.. My dog was peeing by a pole, (which she does quite frequently, and I hate taking her on walks for just that reason but that's another story) and a guy walked up to her and said hi. She politely said hi. Then came the pick up line-and a rather lame one at that-he said, "That dog's almost as pretty as you are." I know what you're thinking, "Wow!! Good one, dude!" She said thanks and tried to pay no attention. He then asked, "So are you like Dorothy and that's Toto?" (Getting worse) She rolled her eyes and said, "I guess." Then he asked, "So, do you ever go out like on dates?" She said, "Uh, I don't date." Then she walked home as fast as she possibly could. I asked her how old he was, and she said he had to be at least in his late 20's but probably in his 30's. After she told me the story, she laughed and said, "I wonder what he would do if he knew he just hit on an 8th grader." Way to go, hottie!
SAY WHAT?!:
The other day I was in Kari and Tawn's room bugging them like I usually do. Kari had some cookies sitting on her desk and she politely asked if I'd like one. Being the pig that I am, of course I took two! After eating the first one, I noticed that there was a red UFO (unidentified fruity object) in the cookie. I asked Kari what it was, and she said, "I don't know I think it's an emyem." I looked at her for a second and said, "A what?!" She turned a bit pink. Tawn explained, "She means M 'n' M." Kari told me that her sister used to call them that and she had just gotten into the habit of saying that. Riiiiight, Kari!! That's what I'd say too if I called M 'n' M's emyem's!!
OTHER NEWS:
RHA meetings-they turned me off with the butt darts.
SIGN OFF:
Les amo, mis amigos!
-brit
