"Back to school. Back to school. Prove to Dad that I'm not a fool." The words of Billy Madison say it all! Here we are again, kiddos-studying, working, thinking, and definitely not procrastinating. Ha ha ha ha ha! Yeah right! Some are asking themselves, "Why did we come back, again?" Some are heaving that huge sigh of relief because they didn't kill their families while home over break. Some are thanking their lucky stars that they passed last semester and kicking themselves for taking Econ102. And, some are just too darned drunk to care (you know who you are). Among the variety of people, however, there is a common unity. We all know that college is a place of learning and deep down inside, we want to learn and excel and succeed in life, which is why we are here. We all know that even though the fun times make it more exciting, they are really not the reason we wake up each morning with a smile on our face ready to start the wonderful day of classes and learn new and innovative ideas and exercise our right as humans to absorb knowledge and apply it in our lives...okay...fine, there is no common unity, but here we are, so why not make the best of it!
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No, think of another wish." The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, the man said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'...know how to make them truly happy..." The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?"
-submitted by Gina C
RANDOM ACTS OF.INSANITY:
Let's talk about trust. Trust is an important quality to possess. It allows one to establish and grow in relationships as well as builds character. Now, let's talk about lack of trust-not so easy. A person decides he doesn't trust the custodians to look after his precious plants and fish. Now, while he assumes the custodians aren't "out to get him," he can't possibly risk the lives of these valuable loved ones on a mere assumption. Instead of leaving the plants and fish in the hands of a possible fish hating, plant killing, escape convict, mattress tag ripping, psychopathic, double parking, Satan worshiping, paraplegic mocking, demolition expert whose second personality has informed him that the best way to exercise his skill in the martial arts is to make poor students who foolishly leave their pets and plants to be cared for suffer--and when I say suffer, I mean it, he chooses to cart the fish and plants along with him on the 13 hour car trip home. Seems like a good idea at the time. Well, he soon learns that fish cannot stay in freezing temperatures for very long before it causes problems, and plants rarely do well after being toted around like baggage. As sad (or hilarious) as the situation may be, this young man has learned a lesson in trust. If not, at least next time he'll remember to take the fish out of the car!
QUOTE CORNER:
"Satisfy my butt!!" -Sara V
"I have a bone to pick with the DEA." -Gina C
THE DATING GAME:
Doctors these days seem to be pretty intent on finding cures for cancer and AIDS and stuff like that. That's all well and good, but I think what they really need a cure for is "the case of the third wheel." Ever suffered from it? If you've never heard of it, you either live in a cave or are the one causing it. Like many other incurable illnesses, this one can be treated. Its symptoms also change from person to person depending on their physiology and mentality. Some people cope with it so well that one would seldom be aware they were even suffering, while some do not cope at all. For these people, a cure is imperative. While a cure is still being researched, we can only try to learn that life's little troubles are short lived! We all know two is company, and three's a crowd, so move over people!! This is one third wheel that refuses to give into the angry clutches of the disease.
SAY WHAT?!:
Occasionally, Gina talks in her sleep. Okay, so more than occasionally! Anyway, it usually doesn't wake me up or bother me. However, the other night I awoke to Gina screaming. I was a bit startled, but soon I was just laughing at Gina frantically screaming, "DON'T CANCEL!! NO, DON'T CANCEL!!" while still fast asleep. Incase, you're wondering, no, no one knows why she was yelling that. All I know is, I don't think there is such a thing as a "sane" roommate! J
YOURS:
How to Survive to the End of a Horror Movie:
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon-summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language, which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
5. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
6. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET OUT!
7. If you find a town, which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
8. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know that you're doing.
9. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
10. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had half of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY.
11. When trying to escape from a serial killer, never run UPstairs.
-submitted by Brent L
OTHER NEWS:
Only a few weeks until my Birthday, so you have plenty of time to figure out the perfect gift to get me!! For those of you who have forgotten when my birthday is, I've left you with enough time to figure it out!
SIGN OFF:
Peace, love, and all that jazz
-brit
