So, it's finals week (a.k.a. dead week), which means that the residence halls have this lovely little thing called "morgue hours." Now, I ask you, how depressing can you be, really?! It's like someone thought, "Hmmm, the students will be really stressed this week. We should do something about that. I know!! Let's associate the week with death and depression!" Dead week (appropriately called for some people who have now realized that their finals will be the deciding factors in whether or not they pass) is accompanied by many life-threatening rules. These rules are as follows: 1) No one can have fun-this is to avoid any nuclear accidents, which frequently occur when fun is had and thus, deter one's ability to adequately study. 2) No one can be happy-this lessens the chance that someone's face might crack and cause a commotion with ambulances, shouts of pain, and running in the hallways, which may also disrupt the learning environment. Last but not least, 3) If you are finally done with your studying or you simply want a break, you better darned well be sure there isn't an RA walking by at that moment or anytime in the near future because if they hear a peep coming from your room that doesn't involve counting, reciting a speech, or quizzing aloud, you're goin' down buddy and this ain't no democracy, so don't even try your petty pleas and excuses-self explanatory. In conclusion, I would like to remind all of you stressed-out college students that Christmas is just around the corner, and that's something to look forward to. Until then, we still have SOCIAL HOURS!!!
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
A man in his car is pulled over by a patrolman who says, "Congratulations! You have just won $5,000 for wearing your seatbelt in a safety contest! What will you do now?" The man replied, "Well, I guess I will go to driving school and learn to drive so I can get my license." His wife sitting next to him leaned over and said, "Don't mind him. He's always cocky when he's drunk." Just then a man sat up from the backseat, sighed, and said, "I knew we wouldn't get far with a stolen car!" Then a knock came from the trunk and they heard a voice in Spanish say, "Are we over the border yet?"
-submitted by Blake E.
RANDOM ACTS OF.INSANITY:
On Saturday, Gina and I went Christmas shopping (a little late you say, well shut up!! You try studying for a million tests including finals combined with not having a car, and you see how much Christmas shopping you get done!!) Anyway, now that I have vented a little.back to the story. We had gone to Walmart twice that day because we dropped off our film and had to come pick it up. The second time, we parked in a different place than the first, so we became a bit confused and bewildered as we began to look for the car, and it was no where to be found. We looked up and down each isle and walked up and down each twice. When we still could not find it, I panicked. As Gina calmly continued to search the parking lot, I stood in the middle screaming, "We're lost!!! We're lost!!" A bit embarrassed (and rightfully so), Gina looked away, pretending not to know me, and continued to look. Finally, in the midst of my screaming, I heard a voice say, "I found it!" Feeling that I had helped immensely in the location of the missing vehicle, I felt satisfied. I immediately stopped the insanity, walked calmly to the car, sighed, and got inside. As we pulled out of the parking lot, I said quietly to myself, "All in a days work."
QUOTE CORNER:
"I'm a unicorn" -Jamie N.
WORDS FROM THE WISE:
Well, I found the proud monkeys. It's quite amazing really that of all the places in the world they could be, here they are in good ol' Bozeman, Montana. If you're confused right now, that's probably healthy. I'd be a bit worried if what I just said made complete sense to you. I'll explain: Dave Matthews has a song entitled, "The Proudest Monkey." I happen to be very fond of this song. One day as I was eating in the food shwag, a boy walked in who in some odd way resembled a monkey. He wasn't ugly or anything. Actually, he was quite good looking, but as I saw him, I immediately began singing the Curious George song. Then it came to me.I had found the proudest monkey. I was overjoyed by my finding!! I started seeing the proudest monkey wherever I went. He played link tag with us in the snow. He was in my Economics class. He was literally everywhere. A mysterious thing happened, though, with this proudest monkey. He was eating dinner at the same time I was. I saw him get up and leave. Then, as I was walking out, he was getting another tray. "Hmmm," I thought, "Maybe he is just hungry again-proudest monkeys tend to get that way from time to time." Odd. Well, turns out, he has a twin! "Two monkeys?!" you say. Yes, two monkeys. Now I don't know which is the proudest, so until I determine that, they are simply "proud" monkeys. Moral: Don't count your monkeys before they hatch...er...whatever.
THE DATING GAME:
"Out with the Old, and In with the New" seems to be what people around here are saying. High school romances are being ripped at the seams. Old loves are being discarded left and right. The only thing that seems to last is this on-going trend. Never have I seen so many relationships go into the gutter in such a short time. It's not even spring, so what is going on? Is it the new exciting thrill of college? Is it the desire to have new experiences? Whatever it is, it's running rampant. So if you are in a relationship, you might want to hold on tight to that lover. Who knows when the virus will hit! All I can say is, I'm glad I'm single.
MY SISTER THE RETARD:
The other night I was talking to my sister on the phone. She had been waiting for a while for my mom to make her some rice. Finally, my mom finished, and Blake was so happy to eat it. She could not, however, just enjoy the snack. No, she had to dump some of it onto the floor first! While she was attempting to clean the goo of her pants and socks, she spilled more. (This was indicated by a small shout.) As she continued to clean up the mess, I laughed, picturing what had to be a funny sight: Blake trying to talk on the phone while cleaning and spilling rice onto herself. Sometimes the imagination is far more hilarious than reality! A few more shouts came, so I knew that the rice-spilling spree had not yet come to a halt. Finally, she had finished her spilling, and significant progress had been made in the cleaning area. She did tell me the next day, however, that she still had dried rice stuck to her pants. I have a feeling that little one will be finding crusty rice bits in her bed for weeks to come!
SAY WHAT?!:
Sometimes Gina has verbal problems. One specific night, she was having problems forming her words, so they all came out as, "apsousd;asu." It sounded like a cross between spitting and chewing, and we all know that doesn't make a good combination. After a few sentences, which went a bit like this: "I didn't skjlst that she asdups saidjfas;; I was the tnksaeo," I decided it would be best to smile and nod because who could understand that gibberish?! I finally asked, "Gina, what's wrong with you tonight? You can't talk." She laughed and responded with: "Sorry I am jsatu a littls a;d tireja ;df I thisksd;f." I smiled and nodded.
OTHER NEWS:
Incase you've been in a cave for the last week, George W. Bush is the new President of the U.S. Yay!
SIGN OFF:
I wish you a merry Christmas! I wish you a merry Christmas! I wish you a merry Christmas, and may you get all the presents you want!!!! (choir singing.with vibrata, of course)
-brit
