230302, 2259hr, central time.

i'm very very stressed up, and very very ill.

***

you know, life is kinda short. your life is not made up of tangible stuff like results, money, number of dollar bills. it has to be made up of elusive abstract stuff like friendships, love, pride, memories. why are you spending so much time on the tangibles? are you sure you have a firm grip on the intangibles? are you sure you know what you're doing? are you sure you know what you want?

yes, i'm sure. unfortunately i know that i'm doing the right thing. i just wish there's an easier way to get there.

i know you are tired, i know you're hurting. i know you want to go home. but you should know that nothing's going to change. nobody can stop you from giving up, but nobody is going to protect you from the consequences either. you are too old to shy away from all personal responsibilities, but you should also be young enough to be brave. be brave, this is not difficult, you just have to get through it, just like before.

yes, i know. it's just the same old never ending story.

then why are you still so confused? why do you look so lost? you know that you're doing what you need to do, you know that this is just an intermediary stage to achieve what you really want, you know what you really want, and you know you can do it, because you can make yourself do it. then why still so glum? what's missing?

i'm missing a feeling. a feeling of being found. of being understood.

......................................................i understand.