s . l . s . b . --- today

130302, 1735hr, central time.

no, no whining about my work. i shall not. i shall not.

just want to explain why i'm so bad with updates these days though - besides being busy with work, i also disconnected my laptop from the internet, so i can work upstairs in the dining room. [the lighting in my room is simply not conducive for studying.] and i'm too shy to type my journal entries on alvin's computer, because he's always wondering if i'm talking about him. [talk about self-conscious eh? haha.] so i tend to update only when i'm outside - at work or in a computer lab elsewhere. which is not often enough, since i work only every other day, and the computer is not always available. if i'm in the computer lab, i usually try to go home asap, to get my work done. so i guess it's got a lot to do with my work, but not entirely. oh well.

talking to lynn today about sensei, she said, "ah, that guy you have a special column for in your journal?" hmm. well, yes, if you put it that way. yes. now i feel so silly raving about sensei so much. haha. is it strange? that i would have a crush on someone else, while i have a boyfriend? no, alvin and i are not having problems, beyond my little whimpering sometimes about the lack of romantic molecules in his body. no, i have no intentions of cheating on him. hmm. i don't think there's anything wrong with this little [fine, *slightly* obsessive] crush of mine, but now that i think about it more, it does feel a little weird, to be raving about this guy like i'm some love-hungry 14-year-old. heh. but but but. i just find it so difficult not to be attracted to my sensei, him being so cute, so proficient in the very language i love, from the very country i dream about, so smart, and so blardy handsome when he smiles. argh, there i go again. and i see him everyday! it's simply impossible not to notice him.

i'm not a very jealous girlfriend, i don't think so. i think it's perfectly fine if alvin thinks that korean girl in his class is hot, or if he meets other girls for lunch all the time. or even if he goes on a date with another girl, if he wants to. just like i went on a date with mike, kinda, for the TBP semiformal. just like i think my sensei is really cute. just like i would meet other guys for lunch too, if i had time for lunch. no wait, actually i did meet up with a guy friend for lunch today. i went out with shaun for dinner too, some time ago. i'm pretty sure that's not a big deal. is it?

what about emotional infidelity? i wonder, where do you draw the line for emotional infidelity? how do you define it? when do you really consider yourself to have cheated on your significant other, even without any actual physical act of infidelity? i mean, i'm pretty sure my crush on my sensei is just something juvenile and fun to keep my life interesting, i'm not that crazy about him. but what if some day i realize i really do like him? or *gasp*, that i love him? conceptually speaking, is this infidelity?

anyway, it's low risk right now for me, since i have blardy no time to even look at another guy, besides sensei. so i don't think i need to actually make up my mind now. but i was just thinking, it seems likely that alvin and i will have to attempt to survive a long-distance relationship, after he graduates this year. during which i would most inevitably be spending more time with other people, possibly half of which are guys. what if i find another attractive guy? what if i see him every other day for lunch/dinner/hanging out? what if we go star-gazing? what if one day i have to tell alvin not to call me at a certain time because i would be out with this other guy? what if one day i have to tell alvin not to visit me during this whatever break because i will be going somewhere else with this guy? where do i draw the line? i hope i can come to my own conclusion before i ever come to such a dilemma. hmm.

anyway, in other news, it's official now. i'm anemic. blardy hell. i cannot donate blood anymore, until i improve my diet i guess. need to eat meat. and dark green veggies. [poachie, you know how much i love dark green veggies eh?] and basically get healthier. sigh. anyway, it explains why i'm so tired most of the time, and that light-headedness i feel sometimes. so at least it's not some strange disease, just a result of ill-treating myself. i should really try to be nicer to myself.

s . l . s . b .
[ stuff . . . ] feeling: crappy food: two huge oranges. i shared with lynette. CD: i'm ok by david tao show: time machine reading: democratic peace readings surfin': i don't surf the web anymore. whine whine whine. what's happened to me! looking forward: spring break goodness: i talked to sensei today! sensei watch: man, it's such a nice surprise. in class today, i burst into this crazy complaint about how we have to learn both the male and female forms of casual speech. esp since the youngsters in japan today typically use just the male form. so i whined a little. and crazily said if maybe someone goes for a sex change, he/she will be as confused as i am. [yes, i got all messed up by the male and female forms of speech. bleah.] so after class, sensei caught me before i left the classroom and talked to me about it. and we went on to chat about other stuff. and other stuff. and he's so blardy damn cute! and i found out he's learning spanish now. maybe i should go learn spanish too. heh.
[ say . . . ] 130302, 1735hr, central time. no, no whining about my work. i shall not. i shall not. just want to explain why i'm so bad with updates these days though - besides being busy with work, i also disconnected my laptop from the internet, so i can work upstairs in the dining room. [the lighting in my room is simply not conducive for studying.] and i'm too shy to type my journal entries on alvin's computer, because he's always wondering if i'm talking about him. [talk about self-conscious eh? haha.] so i tend to update only when i'm outside - at work or in a computer lab elsewhere. which is not often enough, since i work only every other day, and the computer is not always available. if i'm in the computer lab, i usually try to go home asap, to get my work done. so i guess it's got a lot to do with my work, but not entirely. oh well. talking to lynn today about sensei, she said, "ah, that guy you have a special column for in your journal?" hmm. well, yes, if you put it that way. yes. now i feel so silly raving about sensei so much. haha. is it strange? that i would have a crush on someone else, while i have a boyfriend? no, alvin and i are not having problems, beyond my little whimpering sometimes about the lack of romantic molecules in his body. no, i have no intentions of cheating on him. hmm. i don't think there's anything wrong with this little [fine, slightly obsessive] crush of mine, but now that i think about it more, it does feel a little weird, to be raving about this guy like i'm some love-hungry 14-year-old. heh. but but but. i just find it so difficult not to be attracted to my sensei, him being so cute, so proficient in the very language i love, from the very country i dream about, so smart, and so blardy handsome when he smiles. argh, there i go again. and i see him everyday! it's simply impossible not to notice him. i'm not a very jealous girlfriend, i don't think so. i think it's perfectly fine if alvin thinks that korean girl in his class is hot, or if he meets other girls for lunch all the time. or even if he goes on a date with another girl, if he wants to. just like i went on a date with mike, kinda, for the TBP semiformal. just like i think my sensei is really cute. just like i would meet other guys for lunch too, if i had time for lunch. no wait, actually i did meet up with a guy friend for lunch today. i went out with shaun for dinner too, some time ago. i'm pretty sure that's not a big deal. is it? what about emotional infidelity? i wonder, where do you draw the line for emotional infidelity? how do you define it? when do you really consider yourself to have cheated on your significant other, even without any actual physical act of infidelity? i mean, i'm pretty sure my crush on my sensei is just something juvenile and fun to keep my life interesting, i'm not that crazy about him. but what if some day i realize i really do like him? or gasp, that i love him? conceptually speaking, is this infidelity? anyway, it's low risk right now for me, since i have blardy no time to even look at another guy, besides sensei. so i don't think i need to actually make up my mind now. but i was just thinking, it seems likely that alvin and i will have to attempt to survive a long-distance relationship, after he graduates this year. during which i would most inevitably be spending more time with other people, possibly half of which are guys. what if i find another attractive guy? what if i see him every other day for lunch/dinner/hanging out? what if we go star-gazing? what if one day i have to tell alvin not to call me at a certain time because i would be out with this other guy? what if one day i have to tell alvin not to visit me during this whatever break because i will be going somewhere else with this guy? where do i draw the line? i hope i can come to my own conclusion before i ever come to such a dilemma. hmm. anyway, in other news, it's official now. i'm anemic. blardy hell. i cannot donate blood anymore, until i improve my diet i guess. need to eat meat. and dark green veggies. [poachie, you know how much i love dark green veggies eh?] and basically get healthier. sigh. anyway, it explains why i'm so tired most of the time, and that light-headedness i feel sometimes. so at least it's not some strange disease, just a result of ill-treating myself. i should really try to be nicer to myself.
<	=	>
\| main \| me \| email \| gbook \| links \|