240202, 1345hr, central time.

i would have updated last night, except i got home kinda late.

last night was the TBP semiformal, which was something that i was initially pretty excited about, but gradually got more skeptical about. by friday, i wasn't quite sure i really wanted to go to anymore. none of my usual bunch of friends went, and i went as mike's date, which was a little awkward, because he knows i have a boyfriend, and i think he's quite self-conscious of it, though i assured him again and again both alvin and i don't mind. and frankly, i wasn't in a terribly social mood last night, not exactly my most charming and brilliant self. the semiformal itself was full of loud people who i don't know, which isn't a bad thing at all, come to think of it. haha. i kinda got cheated though - anne, my projects VP told me that people don't dress up too much for semiformals, so i went in my usual casual dress. darn, everyone else was in gowns and other glittery sexy stuff! bleah. i felt so underdressed.

oh well. not a particularly inspiring semiformal, but it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. [i was supposed to meet mike at 7pm. at 6.15pm, alvin was still trying to drag me out of bed, asking me to go get ready and take a shower. haha. i was so tempted to just back out of it. heh.]

it was interesting talking to mike though. found out to my surprise that he's never had a girlfriend before, and he says it's because he's always had his mind on his work, and simply didn't have time for romance. interesting. why do guys always have this mentality that they have to allocate a whole chunk of their lives, time and energy, to get into a relationship? is it really all that tough for them? alvin says that in retrospect, if we didn't get together last semester, we would never have gotten together, because he's just so crazily busy this semester. last semester was the easiest semester he had, so he had time for a relationship. i felt quite insulted by that, actually, because i didn't think it was good timing that brought us together at all. in fact, i thought it was pretty bad timing, considering i just got out that mess with edwin, and was so stressed up most of the time. but oh great, it's not the girl that matters, it's whether the guy has time? that's just a load of bullshit to me, but it's not like i can prove otherwise. it's not like i can turn the clock back, and see the alternative outcome.

it seems almost like a relationship is some extra hobby that the guy can pick up, if he's not too busy with something else. of course, i know anyone who's too busy to have any form of social life has a lower likelihood of romance too, but i don't like how they see it as something deliberate they have to put their minds to, before anything will happen. it's all very strange to me. because really, none of my relationships came from "being ready" for it. in fact, i was grossly unready for most of them. but they still happened anyway. does that make me "easy"? bleah.

maybe it's one of the gender differences. maybe it's to do with the general trend that guys have to do the chasing, so they probably have to devote a lot more attention to the beginning of any relationship. i don't know. it feels strange.