I feel horrible. This is not like me to be as insecure as to have to be jealous of someone else. Sarah is a really nice person actually and I know that she deserved all that she got so far. What I've achieved so far in comparison to her is not much, but I wouldn't have deserved anything more anyway. I mean, it makes sense. Sarah is very comfortable with herself, she speaks freely, looks very presentable and is indeed intelligent. If I were the university admission officers or the interviewers, I would love her too.

This is not the first time I have come into contact with such overachievers anyway. Back in secondary school, all my classmates are practically the top students in Singapore, high scores in examinations, winners of competitions etc. In fact, quite a few of them are blessed with good looks and a wealthy family background. Yet, I have not felt anything more than just envy. In fact, I sometimes feel sincerely awed by them. But Sarah kinda brought out this sense of inadequacy in me. And I don't like that.

What's worse, Sarah is genuinely delighted with her achievements and references to her US university and her many scholarship offers are quite frequent. So everytime she mentions something that pricks me a little, I wonder if it showed on my face. I wouldn't want my other friends to know that I am as discontented with my own scholarship as that. I feel like a jerk.

Frankly, it's probably nothing to do with Sarah. Even if I do not know her, I'm sure at a time like this, I would still be able to find some other person who has many university and scholarship offers too. As much as I hate it, jealousy is more to do with myself. I probably need to be contented with what I have. To feel comfortable with what I don't have.

I don't really understand myself actually. I am not as insecure as to need reassurances all the time. I can be genuinely impressed by all the geniuses around me. I can tolerate being belittled by most people without not a single dent in my ego. So what's wrong now??