071201, 0103hr, illinois time.

nope, i am no superwoman. i do realise it now. yes, after 5 semesters of stuffing myself with classes, desperate to learn, thinking i can accomplish whatever i wish to accomplish. like my 26 credit hour thing this semester [ususal limit to credit load per semester is 18. some people take as few as 12 hours. i'm taking 26 because it includes 6 hours of individual study - GIS - courses.] i am absolutely crazy. i thought i would be able to pull it off, but i couldn't. i can't finish the 6 hours, tried as hard as i did, i think i'll have to apply for an extension for them. thank god i can. it's the only little breathing space i have these days when it comes to work.

as i was telling sidat, i feel completely burnt out this semester. i can't wait for it to end. yes, i enjoyed my classes, but no, i cannot continue anymore. i can only pull of that many sleepless nights. that many essays. i think half my brain cells must have burnt out by now, the kind of effort i put into my essays. gosh.

not trying to show off [look! i'm taking 26 hours and i'm not dead yet!] nor whining about how tired i am [surprise surprise!]. it's really an instinctive thing - i look back upon the past 3 months, and i try to grasp one consistent dominant impression of the semester. hmm. fatigue came to mind. of course, this is also strongest semester i ever had, in terms of learning new stuff, and opening my eyes to new ideas and new self-concepts. for that, i'm really glad i took all these classes. yes, even the GIS courses i couldn't finish. even the communications class i'm failing. because regardless of how i'm academically doing, there's no question at all i've learnt a lot, and my mind has been stimulated out of its inertia. the workload has been crazy, i'm not too happy about that, but i feel contented with how i'm dealing with it. no major big stress bomb [hmm. maybe just once or twice.] no major i-don't-care-let-me-give-up tantrum moments.

so yes, i dare say this has been the best semester i had so far. people say the freshman year is always the best, i think in my case it was uniquely plagued with emotional problems. the junior year wasn't supposed to be that special. but somehow, it is for me. maybe for the change in direction i adopted in my life, both academically and personally. maybe for the love i found. maybe for the strength i found in that love. whatever it is, i'm strangely contented at this moment. happy with myself, even my failures. and i can proudly say, i'm really tired, but it's been worth it.