041101, 1640hr, illinois time.

today's the first time i actually managed to call home [sucky phonecards!] since the time when i first told my mom about alvin. which is more than 2 weeks ago. haha...obviously she was really excited to know more about how things are going, so we had this nice chat about how silly oblivious guys are really the best catch, cos you don't have to worry about them sneaking around with other women behind your back, or even thinking of sneaking around. mom also said something about spending his money only if he's done something wrong and refuses to apologize for it. and buying presents for him once in a while if he pays for meals and all that kind of stuff, to make sure he knows that i'm not with him only for his money. phew. wow. golden advice from my mom, who's obviously having a very good relationship with my dad. ahem.

for example, my dad struck lottery a week back or something, about $1000 worth of cash prize, of which my mom spent half on cosmetics. hahaha...so when my dad took over the phone, he lamented, "aiyah, buy 4D then use my money, win then it's her money." hahahhaa...he's kidding of course, my dad really dotes on my mom, he doesn't care about the money. my mom is very proud of having choosen dad over all her other suitors, and i think she's definitely right, my dad is a good catch. not handsome, but strong, kind and very smart.

i want a husband just like my dad. not ashamed of my oedipus complex, nope, not at all.

so far, the only similarity i see between alvin and dad is that they both love liverpool. by the way, liverpool fc beat manchester united 3-1 this morning, my dad, my brothers and alvin are all very excited. it's hilarious, i'm getting sucked into the world of english football again, because alvin likes to tell me all about why liverpool is the best team ever. this morning, while i was pottering around the kitchen baking my bread, alvin wouldn't stop talking about liverpool, all the way back to what happened last season. really, i'm not that interested, but i didn't want to interrupt him because as he stood at the kitchen doorway, so animatedly telling me all about the up and rising young stars discovered by liverpool, i felt this wave of contentment hit me. true, the initial euphoria is gone, but i guess this is what i've been seeking the whole time, settling down into a faint, but perpetual feeling of satisfaction and bliss.

last night, during the ssa activity, there was a song dedication segment, where my friends played a prank on me, and dedicated a song to alvin on my behalf with a soppy message quoted off from this journal, basically exposing our relationship to the whole ssa. i was intensely embarrassed, i guess people have no idea how shy i am about my relationships and how i like being inconspicuous. sigh. too many of my uiuc friends read this journal, they get all sorts of punch lines from here to use against me. bleah.

lynn asked me if i've ever thought of marrying alvin, or actually, any of the guys i ever liked. i couldn't come up with anything offhand then, the question was just a little embarrassing for me - that's how shy i really am. i think i'm still a little commitment-phobic, i cannot imagine marriage at all, because for anyone i've ever been with or ever liked, there's always a reason for me to not marry him. i don't know, do people get married for the reasons to get married or for the lack of reasons not to? if the latter, i'm never getting married, because i can always come up with something against even the most perfect guy on earth. [he's too perfect!] and frankly, i don't want to start thinking about it, i will freak myself out for sure, seeing alvin as my husband-to-be. too fast, too fast! is it really that surprising that i'm not aspiring to be a wife? lynn told me of how guys have a tendency to see me more as a wife figure than a girlfriend figure. i always knew that - guys who like me seem to choose me because i fit into their grand wife acquisition and career development plans. even alvin, i guess. i don't know if it's really a compliment - oh, you make a good wife, but not a good girlfriend.

a couple of days back, i don't remember what we were talking about, but alvin basically said something like, "blah blah...when we get married...blah blah." i just freaked out and jumped out of my seat with, "what do you mean when?! If! If! If! If i marry you, ok!" i guess it was an overreaction on my part, it's not like i don't know alvin's been thinking about stuff like that. but still. the assumption just freaks me out.

marriage. brrr.

i'm happy the way alvin and i are now. he can think whatever he wants, just don't start putting ideas in my head, cos the more likely reaction from me would be to run away screaming.